are some people too broken to have a significant other?

[VanillaCreme]

I just learned that a family that I know of, who are full of low IQ people, hateful people, who abuse animals, abuse children, and generally are redneck hillbillies who have no good people in their family...

- Two new marriages
- 2 wives are pregnant
- One just got divorced, so that he could get with another girl

I feel so despondent. These idiots can get married and breed...why can't I? Do I have to lower my intelligence so that I can get in a relationship?

Please let me understand why mostly rejects of the gene pool are breeding and having multiple babies, and the smart intellectuals are the ones who aren't having relationship success? Not all the time, but most of the time, when I see something about a baby momma of 15 kids, the mother has an IQ lower than dirt.

Yes, and being hateful to them will make everything better. Still bitter? Let it go, bro. Disliking the people who have what you either want or have what you believe they shouldn't won't make your situation any better.

By the way, you're so quick to put labels on these people... Do you know any of them? Personally? Were you lovers to any of them? Were you there for them in rough times? I'm guessing probably not, yet you're still quick to even care what they're doing as opposed to paying attention to your own.

And if these people are southern (not sure if they are, and really, it's not even just southern folks), did you know that a lot of people today are still raised to believe that they should get married because it's the right thing to do? Don't judge people because you're miserable with your life. You're not the one to say what's what for anyone.

Another by the way: I'm not defending these people. I don't care either which way what anyone else is doing. I'm simply pointing out what I see, and that's judgment and bitterness, to the max.

 

[Evil_Genius]

I have to agree, do you WANT what they have or do you want something else. It sounds to me, if your assessment of these people is right is that being with them just to be with someone is is a complete surrender to convention and norm, and not what you actually want.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

They mistreat my nieces. Yes they are scum.

 

[VanillaCreme]

They mistreat my nieces. Yes they are scum.

Sorry for your niece, but it's still not your place to say anything about their lives. If they continue to mistreat her, then she must not see it as a problem. If she's a child, I hope that she doesn't grow up having any sort of twisted views in life. If it bothers you so, then try and talk with them. If that doesn't work, then work on accepting the fact that you don't decide on what happens in people's lives - family members or not.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

They mistreat my nieces. Yes they are scum.

Sorry for your niece, but it's still not your place to say anything about their lives. If they continue to mistreat her, then she must not see it as a problem. If she's a child, I hope that she doesn't grow up having any sort of twisted views in life. If it bothers you so, then try and talk with them. If that doesn't work, then work on accepting the fact that you don't decide on what happens in people's lives - family members or not.

You can't give this kind of advice to someone who is dealing with things that you don't understand. I'm sorry, but you're out of line.

 

[ladyforsaken]

If it bothers you so, then try and talk with them. If that doesn't work, then work on accepting the fact that you don't decide on what happens in people's lives - family members or not.

As much as I cringe to this, I think this is the best way to deal. No matter how hard I try to discipline my niece and nephew, it doesn't really work until their own mother steps in to do something. So I've learned to try and leave it.... as painful as it is. There is only so much that I can do.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I can't possibly talk with them. They are criminals, three of them have been in and out of prison several times.

There is no reasoning with criminals. As much as it pains my nieces, I simply have to let them hurt, because I can't fix it. They won't change, at least until they are put back in prison and removed from my niece's custody.

 

[VanillaCreme]

They mistreat my nieces. Yes they are scum.

Sorry for your niece, but it's still not your place to say anything about their lives. If they continue to mistreat her, then she must not see it as a problem. If she's a child, I hope that she doesn't grow up having any sort of twisted views in life. If it bothers you so, then try and talk with them. If that doesn't work, then work on accepting the fact that you don't decide on what happens in people's lives - family members or not.

You can't give this kind of advice to someone who is dealing with things that you don't understand. I'm sorry, but you're out of line.

Lol.

I can't possibly talk with them. They are criminals, three of them have been in and out of prison several times.

There is no reasoning with criminals. As much as it pains my nieces, I simply have to let them hurt, because I can't fix it. They won't change, at least until they are put back in prison and removed from my niece's custody.

Removed from her custody? So, she's the mother? Or do you mean she will be removed from their custody? A child, which I'm just going to assume she is, since you seem to not want to clarify, cannot have custody of anyone. If they're such criminals, then you know what you have to do, especially if you suspect abuse is involved. If not, then you need to learn to mind your business. I have uncles too... Yeah, you're not the only one who has nieces... and as much as I would value their opinions and words now, it's none of their business what I do.

Oh, and despite being so "broken", these people are still creating families and such.

 

[EveWasFramed]

.... it's none of their business what I do.

*gets into Nilla's business*

 

[VanillaCreme]

.... it's none of their business what I do.

*gets into Nilla's business*

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Nevermind, this is personal family history that I don't want to rehash here. Should just hold my tongue.

 

[Peaches]

I hear you, family history can be completely devastating

 

[edamame721]

I don't think anyone is too "broken" to have a significant other as long as they understand that a significant other cannot "fix" them.

Loved ones can support you, but there are issues you can only heal yourself. Some issues you'll need to seek professional help for, like mental illness and drug abuse. But also, thinking you are "too broken" will attract the wrong kind of people to you. Don't ever think you can't get better even if people around you doubt you will.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think anyone is too "broken" to have a significant other as long as they understand that a significant other cannot "fix" them.

Loved ones can support you, but there are issues you can only heal yourself. Some issues you'll need to seek professional help for, like mental illness and drug abuse. But also, thinking you are "too broken" will attract the wrong kind of people to you. Don't ever think you can't get better even if people around you doubt you will.

I would have to agree with this.

 

[Bones]

i am probably still to broken to be in relationship, but a lot of it has to deal with me and fixing it.

 

[EveWasFramed]

i am probably still to broken to be in relationship, but a lot of it has to deal with me and fixing it.

^^ Relates to this.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

When I say broken, I mean incapable of handling relationship issues.

I don't mean incapable of love. I am definitely capable of loving people. I love my family and friends, for example (well, most of them.)

I just get hurt extremely easily, and I am constantly worried that I'm going to offend someone and am incredibly insecure. If I get into a relationship, I will be extremely worried that I will hurt her...to the point where I probably will do it unintentionally, without realizing that I did...and then I would beat myself up over it, and not only guilt her into feeling bad that I hurt her, but make myself feel bad for the guilt trip.

I am severely messed up. Some of it was because of my peers growing up. Some of it was because of my family. Some of it was because of my overbearing and controlling mom, who still, to some extent, controls my life. It's a little bit of all of it. I am fixable, but I doubt sincerely that I could enter into a healthy relationship right now, with the way I am currently.

So, I adopt cats, spend time with family and friends, and get lost in computers, tv, books, and music. That is my life. I can't possibly care for someone else, when I am barely hanging on to myself.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The cycle has to break somewhere.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

The best thing to do if you feel bad and unhappy with yourself is to find a hobby, learn a new skill, accomplish something, work toward something, etc. Change the facts, find something to really start enjoying and liking yourself for. Take up a craft, master the art of something. Give yourself a new reason to like yourself, be proud of yourself. You have to put yourself out there in a public setting where you might meet someone new. If you can begin to find ways to improve yourself, you'll feel better about yourself. Which leads to...other people finding you more interesting and may cause someone to want to get to know you better. Only you can change your future, and only if you want it enough to work for it

 

[Alienated]

I think it's the twisted view of what real Love is... It's the desire to fill the others needs, not your own.

Love is NEVER self serving. Love is a decision and action, then the emotion follows. Not the other way around.

How do you know your loved ? It's how they treat you... I love you are just words, and words can be lies... But actions are always real.

Don't tell me you love me... Show me .. How do you know your parents love you ? How many still live at home ? How many were still taken care of even though your parents felt like breaking you neck ?

Every break up is over.. Look what you did ? Look what you don't ? Why don't you ? and so on and so on.... It has nothing to do with emotion... It's how you treat the one you say you love, and if they mean everything to you. How do you show it ??