are some people too broken to have a significant other?

[ladyforsaken]

I don't think you can be too broken to have a significant other. Sometimes, two broken people find each other and find comfort in each other. That could develop into love in some form and that could supply you with what you need to get the brokeness together and slowly maybe even heal you.

I'd like to believe this. I'm going to choose to believe this.

Hang on to that, stay positive. You never know what's in store for you in your future.

 

[LordofLosers]

oh i know im broken... 4 years after suffering through my kids mothers death from suicide... now 41, nobody wants me around... nice world we live in, isnt it?

 

[johnny196775]

If you find the right person, and they are right for you, it doesn't seem to matter how broken you are. I feel like the luckiest person alive that i have that kind of relationship.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

Hmm, I guess its faith that this thread popped up just now, after not seeing it for so long, thinking whether I should post in it. I guess things got a bit clear.

I dont know about "some" people. I do believe that there is a chance for everyone, a fit for everyone. But in my case...

Yes, I do definitely believe that I am either too "broken", or too "weird", or any other wording you choose, to have a relationship. I´m almost sure that I will never have one, want it or not, and in my opinion, its a good thing, or at least, a right thing, as one can say "its how its supposed to be".
But I´m uncomfortable making general statements about others, as I always had this thing seeing the world around me, and people around me, as something I´m not a part of. Making my circumstances, thoughts, opinions and all irrelevant when applied to other people.

 

[Outcast]

You may think its impossible until you find the right person. Maybe you will find someone equally as broken and you will fix each other. I wouldn't give up, anything is possible.

 

[ShybutHi]

Hmm, I guess its faith that this thread popped up just now, after not seeing it for so long, thinking whether I should post in it. I guess things got a bit clear.

I dont know about "some" people. I do believe that there is a chance for everyone, a fit for everyone. But in my case...

Yes, I do definitely believe that I am either too "broken", or too "weird", or any other wording you choose, to have a relationship. I´m almost sure that I will never have one, want it or not, and in my opinion, its a good thing, or at least, a right thing, as one can say "its how its supposed to be".
But I´m uncomfortable making general statements about others, as I always had this thing seeing the world around me, and people around me, as something I´m not a part of. Making my circumstances, thoughts, opinions and all irrelevant when applied to other people.

Most probably untrue about yourself. I would expect there are lots of people out there just as broken or weird as you think you are, male or female, and in similar or different ways. Everyone is unique and yet because of that, in the bigger picture, everyone is not.

A lot of people who have problems or think negatively always think they are somehow so different from everybody else, maybe they think they are an outcast or that they are not worthy. It is just a perception usually, a negative perception will never help in pretty much any circumstance.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I have thousands in bank.
Even though people looking from afar would think the opposite.
No house of my own, no car, no flash clothes, no foreign holidays.

 

[jjessea]

No house of my own, no car, no flash clothes, no foreign holidays.

That's why you have thousands in the bank.

 

[1000lifetimes]

Someone once said that life is full of ironies - the one person who doesn't want to do something is the one that will dot the best. The one most afraid of dying will die first - while the one not afraid of dying will live forever.

I see this kind of phenomenon play itself out all the time. I get very scared that people who think they are too shattered for a relationship are the ones who make the best partners - because they will never take their significant other for granted. They would be loyal, trusting and caring...always. The problem with those people though is usually that their heart is in the right place...but the ,ind is broken,

I also get worried that the whole argument that those kind of people are 'clingy' isn't much of an argument. Oh well...no matter what side of the argument you're on...just remember...it's their loss.

 

[Triple Bogey]

No house of my own, no car, no flash clothes, no foreign holidays.

That's why you have thousands in the bank.

true

 

[OnlyMe]

I am beginning to believe that I am simply too broken to get into a relationship.

I don't see anybody finding me attractive enough to date, first of all. And second, I don't see myself being a good boyfriend. I think I would be terrible in bed, too.

Does anybody else feel this way?

I certainly relate to some of that and I do feel somewhat 'broken' or 'damaged'

With the exception being that I think I have the potential to be the worlds greatest lover.......I just need practice *jokes*

I too will never get a date based on my looks.

I'm almost 37 years old and have never been in a relationship.
It certainly doesn't get any easier as you get older.

You often hear the expression 'There's someone for everyone'

I can only assume that my 'someone' was snapped up by one of those greedy people who go from relationship to relationship.

 

[ardour]

I certainly relate to some of that and I do feel somewhat 'broken' or 'damaged'

With the exception being that I think I have the potential to be the worlds greatest lover.......I just need practice *jokes*

I too will never get a date based on my looks.

I'm almost 37 years old and have never been in a relationship.
It certainly doesn't get any easier as you get older.

You often hear the expression 'There's someone for everyone'

I can only assume that my 'someone' was snapped up by one of those greedy people who go from relationship to relationship.

We don't even get to fail at the relationship thing.

Looks are influential on how you're perceived, but so is self-esteem, self knowledge and a positive attitude. How can guys who have never had a girlfriend consider themselves anything but unattractive? It's not like only the 'top' 20% end up in relationships, most do, so something must be wrong with us. What other conclusion is there.

You sound like an intelligent guy, probably hold down a job and have goals, have good personal hygiene, all the basics covered... so why in this current culture is it so hard to find a appropriate partner.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I think I'm definitely getting there. The problem is I'm looking for a very specific kind of person. It would be a lot easier if all I wanted out of life was someone to eat, watch movies, drink, and watch sports and comedies with. This is what most people do it's comfortable but boring. The fact that I want something else really complicates things.

Most people do wind up in relationships. But how good are they?

 

[Wanderer145]

Im beginning to think I'm a little too damaged in the way I handle situations. I'm living away from my family home and I sort of thought about it today that I might be running from my troubles by moving away. Even here I feel lonely..slightly happier but still have too much alone time to think about how much everything has stagnated...I don't believe I will meet someone again who can fix some of my problems in return for fixing theirs. I just flat out don't care in some ways, time does that to someone it sort of hollows them out...

 

[Monkee]

I think it is a Catch 22 for some people. To be in a relationship of any kind you need to be able to trust and let someone in, however if you are badly broken than it is hard to let someone in and trust them, you still might find someone who cares about you and hangs around hoping you will let them in/love them as much as they love you but overall most people will walk away if they sense they are wasting their time.

Not to mention if someone is so broken they tend to not notice when someone likes them anyway or they feel very defensive when someone shows they are interested.

That said there are different types of "Broken" so yeah some can still find love.

 

[ShybutHi]

I think it is a Catch 22 for some people. To be in a relationship of any kind you need to be able to trust and let someone in, however if you are badly broken than it is hard to let someone in and trust them, you still might find someone who cares about you and hangs around hoping you will let them in/love them as much as they love you but overall most people will walk away if they sense they are wasting their time.

Not to mention if someone is so broken they tend to not notice when someone likes them anyway or they feel very defensive when someone shows they are interested.

That said there are different types of "Broken" so yeah some can still find love.

I think what you say here is entirely true for some people Monkee. I believe it is possible that a few girls that I have known over the years have tried hanging around me and talked to me, maybe to try and allow me to let them in... But I would go into defense mode and totally freeze up mentally. No longer, fortunately, as my social anxiety has passed.

It is funny because when I reflect on things, some of these girls really tried quite hard to get me to open up, being really friendly toward me all the time, especially considering they still didn't actually know me well at all, only that we have a few mutual friends, that I like some of the same music and that I play the guitar. They were really quite persistent in trying to get me to chat personally. :club:

 

[OnlyMe]

We don't even get to fail at the relationship thing.

Looks are influential on how you're perceived, but so is self-esteem, self knowledge and a positive attitude. How can guys who have never had a girlfriend consider themselves anything but unattractive? It's not like only the 'top' 20% end up in relationships, most do, so something must be wrong with us. What other conclusion is there.

You sound like an intelligent guy, probably hold down a job and have goals, have good personal hygiene, all the basics covered... so why in this current culture is it so hard to find a appropriate partner.

Hi ardour,

Good post (especially liked the part where you said I sound like an intelligent guy)

Self esteem and confidence are very important and unfortunately having a complete lack of experience in relationships certainly makes it hard to exude those things when you are trying to attract someone.

I admit that the lack of relationship / female interest does make me feel unattractive.
Also I find it very embarrassing, especially at my age.

I certainly put my hand up and take some responsibility for my predicament as I don't put myself out there anymore in the dating world and to be honest have pretty much given up.

After a massive disappointment at the end of 2012 and a failed stint at online dating in early 2013, I just got to a point where emotionally I just thought it best to quit while I was behind.

Some people get angry, frustrated and blame the opposite sex for their own issues / lack of a relationship.

I don't fall into that category as I am a true believer that people can't help / don't choose who they are attracted to.

Unfortunately for myself I just don't have those qualities that attract women.

However I will say that I don't have any time or respect for people that want to play with the emotions of other people.

I do work full time and have done so since finishing high school 20 years ago.

I also take pride in my personal hygiene, am a non-smoker & non-drinker (but nothing against those that choose to).

I actually asked a female work friend (who I have known for years and am pretty close to) what it is that I need to change about myself to try and be more appealing to the opposite sex.

She gave me the very unhelpful answer that there is nothing I need to change and that I am great just how I am.

I honestly can't answer your question as to why it's so hard to find an appropriate partner but I wish I knew the answer.

 

[Monkee]

I think it is a Catch 22 for some people. To be in a relationship of any kind you need to be able to trust and let someone in, however if you are badly broken than it is hard to let someone in and trust them, you still might find someone who cares about you and hangs around hoping you will let them in/love them as much as they love you but overall most people will walk away if they sense they are wasting their time.

Not to mention if someone is so broken they tend to not notice when someone likes them anyway or they feel very defensive when someone shows they are interested.

That said there are different types of "Broken" so yeah some can still find love.

I think what you say here is entirely true for some people Monkee. I believe it is possible that a few girls that I have known over the years have tried hanging around me and talked to me, maybe to try and allow me to let them in... But I would go into defense mode and totally freeze up mentally. No longer, fortunately, as my social anxiety has passed.

It is funny because when I reflect on things, some of these girls really tried quite hard to get me to open up, being really friendly toward me all the time, especially considering they still didn't actually know me well at all, only that we have a few mutual friends, that I like some of the same music and that I play the guitar. They were really quite persistent in trying to get me to chat personally. :club:

I have had girls look at me, smile, give me these "Ask me out!!" type looks, one day I was getting off a train and this girl was getting on and she stood right in my path, when I moved to the side she moved too, I moved the other way and she blocked me again. I mean for a guy it doesn't get a whole lot easier than that.

Just my insecurity, suspicion, not wanting to believe that I can be liked etc Then in cases where they try and engage me I just don't pick up on it and give short answers etc.

So I have done a lot to rail road my own love life for sure!

 

[wolvesjr]

I don't think people can be too broken. At some point you just have to say "enough" and just try. If you're not happy with the way you look or your weight then change it. Do something different. Make the effort even if only to make YOU feel better about you. When you start feeling better about yourself it will get noticed by those around you and that can definitely lead to something.

I got fed up with how I let myself go so I decided I was going to get in shape for me. In 9 months I've dropped over 50 lbs and am planning on running my first triathlon in a few months because I want to see if I can do it. My working out has made me feel better about myself and it has gotten me noticed.

 

[Nuke1967]

I know I have lived and been alone so long I often wonder if I could even deal with someone sharing my space now.