Controversy of woman have it easier

[Limlim]

I do see a lot more posts about lonely dudes wanting girlfriends on sites such as this one than I do from girls, but that could also just mean guys are more predisposed to bitching about it online.

A crucial point you bring out here. Dudes ALWAYS complain more than the ladies, if there's anything they're not happy with. Most girls keep stuff like that more private, and don't really feel like publicly whinining about lack of man attention. I don't know if it's a pride thing or a privacy thing - for me it's a little of both.

Well either that or the girls are less lonely from having extra attention Like I said I'm not supporting one point or another here because honestly I have no idea. I wont make an actual claim without real data or a study of some kind beyond my own limited scope and samples.

I have a tiny voice in my gut saying that girls have it easier, but I learned early on to ignore it. I'm the kinda guy that usually gets answers right on tests after second guessing himself.

 

[beans]

I do see a lot more posts about lonely dudes wanting girlfriends on sites such as this one than I do from girls, but that could also just mean guys are more predisposed to bitching about it online.

A crucial point you bring out here. Dudes ALWAYS complain more than the ladies, if there's anything they're not happy with. Most girls keep stuff like that more private, and don't really feel like publicly whinining about lack of man attention. I don't know if it's a pride thing or a privacy thing - for me it's a little of both.

I have a tiny voice in my gut saying that girls have it easier, but I learned early on to ignore it. I'm the kinda guy that usually gets answers right on tests after second guessing himself.

No, we do not. But the pretty ones, yes. When guys show an interest in me, usually they just want sexual favors. And this is only like 1 in a 100 guys that I meet that are even remotely interested in me. I'm so sick of it that I wish I have no vagina. Does true love even exist? That's where I am now in my life.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Equinox: Yes it is about attractivness. Keep in mind that a male's attractiveness not all about the physical. It is more about the social. Keep in my shy is a relative idea. Yes a guy can be shy to strangers. However, a physically attractive guy having a good time with all his friends will be more attractive to women than a guy who is by himself or or who is sitting in the background. Especially if the guy with with other women who said approaching female thinks is as attractive or more attractive than her.

Point number two, the way flirting works is the male is supposed to approach the female. Yes times are changing. However, we are at the beginning. So there are not many women doing it yet. A major social change like that takes decades even centuries to happen.

keep in mind one more thing. I see more posts from women about how their husbands or boyfriends don't like them or how they were cheated on or pumped and dumped. I have seen so few women on here who whine about never having a boyfriend, not having been kissed or being virgins.

However, yes you are right it is about attractivness. I promise you a fat unkempt guy who is laughing and smiling and leading his friends on an outing is much more attractive than the model sitting in the corner hunched over his drink alone.

@Felix: I know that women approach men. It is a growing thing. However, let me ask you. When you were approached were sitting alone at an outing looking depressed or were you talking and at least looking lively with your friends?

@Sprint: Sorry I try not to intrude on others arguments. However, I did see I was quoted and you were mentioned. I apparently you disagree with my statement about guarding each others desire. So I figure I will ask a question. Why do women withhold sex until they have a commitment? Vice versa why do men withhold commitment until sex is obtained? Why do women withhold sex if they feel a guy is just in it for the sex? Why do men lose interest their mates when sex starts to dry up?

When you really think about it sex and commitment should be things that are given out freely. BY EVERYONE!!! I know some people give out sex and commitment like they mean nothing. However, I mean every human should have no problem obtaining sex and commitment if men and women valued them equally. However, society labels those people as... well messed up. Too trusting, too promiscuous, too desperate... uhhh I am sure there are a few other labels out there.

Just curious about your thoughts on this.

 

[Limlim]

I do see a lot more posts about lonely dudes wanting girlfriends on sites such as this one than I do from girls, but that could also just mean guys are more predisposed to bitching about it online.

A crucial point you bring out here. Dudes ALWAYS complain more than the ladies, if there's anything they're not happy with. Most girls keep stuff like that more private, and don't really feel like publicly whinining about lack of man attention. I don't know if it's a pride thing or a privacy thing - for me it's a little of both.

I have a tiny voice in my gut saying that girls have it easier, but I learned early on to ignore it. I'm the kinda guy that usually gets answers right on tests after second guessing himself.

No, we do not. But the pretty ones, yes. When guys show an interest in me, usually they just want sexual favors. And this is only like 1 in a 100 guys that I meet that are even remotely interested in me. I'm so sick of it that I wish I have no vagina. Does true love even exist? That's where I am now in my life.

It's one of those things where even getting the unwanted attention at least somewhat feels like your existence is validated, or that someone noticed you in a way that was something other than a cog in the machine. Being seen as someone to be used for their own gain is still being noticed by someone, as depressing as that statement sounds.

That said it's not like I envy your position either!

 

[Felix]

@Felix: I know that women approach men. It is a growing thing. However, let me ask you. When you were approached were sitting alone at an outing looking depressed or were you talking and at least looking lively with your friends?

I guess I was looking lively with friends... Interesting point of view.

 

[Senamian]

Love the views on here lol. Yeah see in the group I was in at school, we had more guys than girls (maybe because we lacked the "pretty go-get-ems") and we had one girl come in our group, and she dated all but the gay guys... We had another come in, just like her, scary enough had the same name, and we caught onto her faster than a wildfire... And we told her, if she hurt the guy (our shy and often silent/ quiet guy) we'd be there to back him up and she'd be in so much trouble.
Same with guys dating the girls in the group... Hurt her you're in trouble that's what I liked... Have equality of morals - which I've rarely come across since the group split up into return graduates and college students.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

It's one of those things where even getting the unwanted attention at least somewhat feels like your existence is validated, or that someone noticed you in a way that was something other than a cog in the machine. Being seen as someone to be used for their own gain is still being noticed by someone, as depressing as that statement sounds.

That said it's not like I envy your position either!

Bang on Limlim.

It's not like it's great to have dickish guys hitting on you all the time as a woman, but at least it shows that you are attractive in some way to males even if it's annoying.

If I were to stop approaching and taking the initiative to talk to women I could just go indefinitely without any attention from them at all. I take my day-to-day interactions with women as quite a big part of my self-esteem, so that would not be good for my mental health.

The fact I'm 20 and yet have not kissed a girl demonstrates this well actually. It's very easy as a guy to just disappear off the radar utterly, at which point you easily start to wonder if you are ugly, unattractive, unfit, your personality is "wrong", you're completely unlovable, etc.

When I stop working hard to interact with girls, everything stops. I don't think (most) girls find that quite the same.

 

[Senamian]

Hmm...interesting Now see here, if you 1. don't dress slutty 2. don't throw yourself at/on guys, 3. go to drunken rave parties, 4. have the huge ass and boobs you are "gross" As for me, I might have the shape, but 99% of guys here actually despise me, and on several occasions (including TODAY) they've actually purposely tried to run me over, or harm me in some way -.- Which comes to my conclusion...If people were more like people on this site (generally mild, nice, quiet OR talkative, can sometimes be rude but hey aren't we all) and like people I know who aren't in my area... It'd be **** perfect xD Buuut that won't ever happen :/

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@TheSolitaryMan: I can further give my approval. A huge difference between men and women is that men can vanish while still being a part of the world. If an attractive woman wants to vanish she has to not leave her house. Hell even unattractive women have to hide to fall off the radar.

My main example of this is the fact that I was in two classes, in college, with several guys and girls. I would sit next to them in class, but since I was not openly social they did not know who I was until class three. Another example is in my band years. I was known as the guy who talks to himself. Because I did this creepy action no one thought, HE is just shy Nope I was creepy and no one cares about me. It is not like I had full-blown conversions out loud in public. I would occasionally mumble in public, that is all.

@Felix: Women are more interested in social value more than apperance. This is something guys tend to forget. One major problem people have is we like to pretend the opposite gender is attracted to the same qualities that attracts us to them. This is why ugly women tend to not understand why men don't want them. After all their personality is great compared to the girl he wants.

@beans: Personally I think men have it worse. Maybe this is because I am a guy, but I wouldn't mind being wanted for sexual favors. Sex feels good and is fun. I have only had girls be interested in me when they needed something done. In my case it was computer work. Yes they could go to one of the various computer shops and pay someone to do it. However, why pay when you can flirt with the geek and get him to do it for free. Even worse is when girls have tried to get me to help them move. In each case the girls vanished the next day, only to reappear when they needed my expertise again. Lucky for me I have never been targeted to get free meals. Don't forget women enjoy exploiting the old social standard of the guy paying for everything. Plenty of women date with that standard in mind.

 

[Limlim]

Hmm...interesting Now see here, if you 1. don't dress slutty 2. don't throw yourself at/on guys, 3. go to drunken rave parties, 4. have the huge ass and boobs you are "gross" As for me, I might have the shape, but 99% of guys here actually despise me, and on several occasions (including TODAY) they've actually purposely tried to run me over, or harm me in some way -.- Which comes to my conclusion...If people were more like people on this site (generally mild, nice, quiet OR talkative, can sometimes be rude but hey aren't we all) and like people I know who aren't in my area... It'd be **** perfect xD Buuut that won't ever happen :/

Wait what? Tried to run you over... like with a car?

 

[Senamian]

Yes. With a car. Actually a truck... Half ton. -.- see now that's prime proof that BODY has some impact on guy's view on girls, but here, you have to be popular, have a pretty face (I don't think I have either), and everything else I mentioned. Y'know growing up it was the same... Got glasses when I was 11, my hair (still hate it) never looks kept although it is, I'm taller than most guys here (5'10" fail), AND I speak my mind (oh lordie no guy here knows what to do with a girl who has brain cells) gah!!! It's infuriating D:
So yes. They like to torture people like me. Unfortunately for them, I'll remember their faces, the vehicle, and I do own an expensive slingshot. Can't trace a slingshot... >.> "gee how'd your vehicle get an inexplicable huge dent the size of a golf ball? Huh weird." as you can tell I've come to a point where IDGAF!! lol

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Yes. With a car. Actually a truck... Half ton. -.- see now that's prime proof that BODY has some impact on guy's view on girls, but here, you have to be popular, have a pretty face (I don't think I have either), and everything else I mentioned. Y'know growing up it was the same... Got glasses when I was 11, my hair (still hate it) never looks kept although it is, I'm taller than most guys here (5'10" fail), AND I speak my mind (oh lordie no guy here knows what to do with a girl who has brain cells)

Guys tried to run you over? Wtf? o_0

Not sure where you live, but it sounds like a very...unusual place, that's for sure.

Why's being 5' 10" "fail"? I think I posted in another thread, but ladies on the taller side are pretty darn hot. Long legs, yum

On the other hand, a smaller girl is easier to envelop in snuggle mode I guess. Both have pros and cons

Also, "pretty" is kind of different to different people. Some people regarded as conventionally beautiful I actually don't find attractive while others with less "perfect" features are much more attractive to me. Take Montserrat Lombard, an actor who I find oddly hot despite her slightly unusual looks, while stars like Beyonce just leave me cold.

I will admit that looks do play a part in attraction, but in the past I've been very attracted to girls in the past who are not "teh hawtness" physically. I'd warrant that you probably look better than them, in fact. So don't be too hard on yourself

 

[Limlim]

Can we go back to this tried to run you over thing? Like... you're just crossing the street one day and some random guys are like "I wanna run that girl over whom I find unattractive!" and his buddy was like "why good sir, I do believe that sounds like a most appropriate action given our current circumstances!"

 

[IgnoredOne]

Can we go back to this tried to run you over thing? Like... you're just crossing the street one day and some random guys are like "I wanna run that girl over whom I find unattractive!" and his buddy was like "why good sir, I do believe that sounds like a most appropriate action given our current circumstances!"

"Jolly good."

That said, there are all sorts of truly weird and nasty people, so I'm not going to rule it out entirely.

 

[Senamian]

They don't know me except as the "unpopular" girl... I don't exactly smile at every Jim and George, my nose is crooked from being dislocated (I despise soccer... LOL), and I'm apparently a Nazi (German is the CORRECT term for those dummies).... So yeah. Here have the ASSets (pun intended), go for players, smoke weird honeysuckle, and all that and you could have a "great" bf....
I mean I have a bf but I don't like his ex who he still talks to (nothin wrong with that) and she calls him hun... And he's much happier talking to her

Also, ive noticed any guy who approaches me usually says "I don't know why I approached you.. You just got that approachable vibe I guess" which is hilarious since I'm not really... Social... Don't like people all too much

 

[beans]

It's not like it's great to have dickish guys hitting on you all the time as a woman, but at least it shows that you are attractive in some way to males even if it's annoying.

Yes but it's only because they want to have their needs satisfied and I just seem to be the perfect target among the rest of the women maybe because I seem naive or vulnerable. All in all, you just feel crap because it may seem like you're the 'easiest' target for these guys who want sex. I admit if you're feeling lonely, the attention is nice at first. But when logic takes over, you feel sad.

The fact I'm 20 and yet have not kissed a girl demonstrates this well actually. It's very easy as a guy to just disappear off the radar utterly, at which point you easily start to wonder if you are ugly, unattractive, unfit, your personality is "wrong", you're completely unlovable, etc.

When I stop working hard to interact with girls, everything stops. I don't think (most) girls find that quite the same.

I think it's the same for both genders here. When no guys even wants to take an interest in us, we feel ugly, unwanted, retarded, all those things a guy would feel. However, I think its worse for us women because we're not allowed to pursue a man or show interest in a man unless we're attractive.

I always hear guys complaining that they get put off by women who chase them but they have no problems with that if it was a hot looking woman.

So average not so nice looking ones like us can't do anything if we like someone because a guy would run a mile if we show the slightest interest. At least guys can try and try and try to pursue as many girls as they want because that is the 'norm'. Worse case scenario, they get rejected and the girl turns him down. But they don't get labeled as cheap, desperate, losette, etc.

For girls, it's different. It's a game. You like a guy, but you can't approach him or show it, or act on it, unless of course you're a bombshell.

I have friends who are hot and when they pursue a guy, they get the guy. Good looks make all the difference.

 

[Senamian]

Beans, agreed... Looks definitely play a factor....

 

[Sprint]

Sprint: Sorry I try not to intrude on others arguments. However, I did see I was quoted and you were mentioned. I apparently you disagree with my statement about guarding each others desire. So I figure I will ask a question. Why do women withhold sex until they have a commitment? Vice versa why do men withhold commitment until sex is obtained? Why do women withhold sex if they feel a guy is just in it for the sex? Why do men lose interest their mates when sex starts to dry up?

Again, more generalizations

And you're not intruding... you were dragged in lol.
I'll answer anyway though:

"Why do women withhold sex until they have a commitment?"
Most women don't, in my experience.

"Why do men withhold commitment until sex is obtained?
I don't know. I don't live like this. I have given commitment to a woman before obtaining sex.

"Why do women withhold sex if they feel a guy is just in it for sex?"
A lot don't. Many women are in it just for sex too.

"Why do men lose interest their mates when sex starts to dry up?"
The same reason why women lose interest in their mates when sex starts to dry up, I assume.

---

I agree with Sprint. One friend of mine who is a GIRL is always happy after she has casual sex and tells us about it. But there are other girls don't like that, that need to be in a relationship. So... you can't put them all in the same box.

Of course in anything, there are exceptions. But I'm talking about the average girl. Maybe out of 10 girls, 2 or 3 feel happy after a casual sex. But guys like to look at that 2 or 3 and wish it was the same and even try to convince themselves that all girls feel the same.

The average girl sleeps with a lot of guys & most of them have no problem with that.

I wish it were 2 or 3 out of 10. The statistics are more like 8 out of every 10.... unfortunately.

I don't think all girls feel the same, but "good girls" are hard to find in 2011... if not impossible!

 

[Limlim]

That's cause they're all too busy posting on the forum

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

For girls, it's different. It's a game. You like a guy, but you can't approach him or show it, or act on it, unless of course you're a bombshell.

Ah, "the game". Yeah, unfortunately it would seem guys must play "the game" too. In fact, my romance life is pretty much a 6 year long unfinished game that I'm losing

The weird thing is, guys are meant to approach and show it I guess? I can't actually do that. So...I guess I'm screwed. If you can't play "the game" as a guy, you're just finished before you begin I guess.

I'd argue that girls are quite free to show it, because it's not the same if a guy turns them away. Right now, in my current situation, I'm looking at asking a girl out in front of 4 people who never leave her side. If that goes wrong it's going to be like a sledgehammer to the nuts, emotionally.

I mean, perhaps girls don't feel they are "allowed to", but if a girl who liked me was to just come up and touch my shoulders or something that'd be my idea of a freaking miracle. I could immediately skip the angsty uncertain "does she or doesn't she?" bullshit that has mercilessly held me prisoner since my teens.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that modern human society does not favour dating at all if you're looking for something significant and with emotional depth rather than random sex, whether male or female. It's sad