Do women ever ask guys out?

[Mary Mary]

Hell, yes. There are tons of men who won't touch a woman unless she was supermodel material.

Sigh, I guess this is what I get for generalizing, but perhaps you're right. Although those men are rare I think, not to mention complete douchebags.

This may come as a shock to you, but not all men are desperate. Do you really think a doctor feels the need to say yes to every woman that shows attention to him?

No, I don't. Do you think a female janitor has any reason to say yes to every man that shows attention to her?

Looks will always be the main reason why someone gets asked out, and women (on average) will always have the edge. Edit: Money is rarely the main reason, only in movies.

A rejected successful male doctor will be hurt more than a rejected female janitor. Again, in my opinion.

You really don't know how the world works. Hugh Hefner anyone? Do you really think that 80-year old wrinkled sack of skin cares if a woman rejects him? Do you think he has a mansion full of playboy bunnies because these gorgeous women have a geriatric fetish?

Trust me, the doctor is going to care far less than the female janitor if he gets rejected. Far less.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Yes, women are the gatekeepers of relationships.

A girl knows that the majority of guys with reciprocate interest if she shows it, so all she has to do is show it.

Wow. This is the most common sense you've ever shown. And although I'm not a "gatekeeper" if I have a strong interest in a guy, I'd let him know, and maybe ask him out, and see what happens. But that goes with anyone. If you show interest, you may just get it back.

Due to the trauma I have from the years when I used to be an ugly dude with Aspergers, I can't reciprocate interest from girls unless the are SEVERELY aggressive. Like I can't bring myself to go in for a kiss, even if I'm on a girl's bed with her and my arm's around her.

 

[Mary Mary]

Man or woman, it doesn't really rely on gender. I assume it's more of the person. For example, despite being female, I doubt any male would ask me out. So it's not easier for females. So that whole theory isn't really true. However, think what you like.

Actually, I agree. When I said it was harder on females, I was just following his line of logic. Rejection can suck for anybody.

 

[Ghost]

Yes, women ask men out. I've been asked out about as many times as I have asked someone out, which is not many.

I said no on those occasions though because I didn't like the girls who were asking. One of the girls was just using me as a rebound, and the other I just couldn't stand being with. I'm happy for her though because she has found a great boyfriend now who is better for her.

 

[Bread]

The embarrassment part really is the pits.
And when you're a guy, you might even get your ass kicked
by approaching the wrong woman. (one with an angry man in her life)

I'd think I had died and gone to Heaven if some woman
expressed an interest in me.

Reminds me of the only time I was asked out. Was on a bus stop some year or two ago. All of the sudden, this older woman, I think early fifties, begins to chat me up. Obviously drunk, by mannerism and (guh) smell. Tells me where she lives and that her husband is out of town. For some reason, I didn't feel flattered, much less in heaven. True story, m'afraid.

 

[ChiCowboy]

All the time.

---

You really don't know how the world works. Hugh Hefner anyone? Do you really think that 80-year old wrinkled sack of skin cares if a woman rejects him? Do you think he has a mansion full of playboy bunnies because these gorgeous women have a geriatric fetish?

Trust me, the doctor is going to care far less than the female janitor if he gets rejected. Far less.

Trust me, the only fetish these bunnies have is for Hefner's signature on their paychecks, your expert analysis of the real world aside.

 

[jales]

I come from a different culture yes.

I have never asked a guy out. I would show interest but not that much interest.

In my culture that would be really... um weird!

But my culture is different. Now, I'm a pretty ugly girl but,

at home a man will ask me out on average once every day that I leave the house... and I'm pretty ugly.. so imagine what it is like for other girls.

Now in Europe NO GUYS ask me out. It's insane. I mean how the hell do you people meet people here?

One, I know that I didnt just go out with random people off the street at home, but you did sometimes develop hi-how-are-you relationships with strangers who you saw on a day to day basis.

Besides it makes a girl feel nice to be hit on, even though the guy doesnt really like her.

I dont know; but girls here must have it harder cause at home.. guys ask out girls allll the time.

Now, brings me to why it makes no sense in my culture to ask a girl out.

It's cause you as a woman put yourself at risk of being used pretty badly by doing that.

In theory;

A guy can ask 100 women out and 15 might have sex with him.
A woman can ask 100 men out and 95 would be willing to have sex with her.

So if a girl thinks.. I can just ask guys out... she will quickly end up with a lonnng list of past people..
A guy on the other hand can ask every girl he sees out and he would still have dated as much as the average girl who never asked anyone out in her life.

Again..keep in mind that I'm mostly talking about Jamaican culture here.

And I know that you might meet 'the one', and he might be different but if he is like the men from my culture you would not need to ask him out.. if he likes you he will ask you.. no matter how shy he is.

 

[Mary Mary]

A guy can ask 100 women out and 15 might have sex with him.
A woman can ask 100 men out and 95 would be willing to have sex with her.

Women are the gate keepers of sex.

Men are the gate keepers of relationships.

That's why women who ask men out don't do much better than men.

 

[SullenGirl]

I have never asked a man out in my entire life, and I've had a few boyfriends and currently have a boyfriend. If that answers your question.

 

[jales]

But which is worse to be used for sex or to be used for friendship?

Both situations have emotional consequences, but being used for sex has a physical consequence, and a social one.

Depending on the guy being used for friendship can hurt really bad though (i guess). Being used for sex on the other hand...lol cause I know how that feels I guess in my mind it seems worse. hmm.

what do you all think?

A guy can ask 100 women out and 15 might have sex with him.
A woman can ask 100 men out and 95 would be willing to have sex with her.

Women are the gate keepers of sex.

Men are the gate keepers of relationships.

That's why women who ask men out don't do much better than men.

 

[Mary Mary]

I understand your sentiment.

I was on this message board for men, and some of the men were bitterly complaining how "women expect men to be friends before they'll let them have sex with you."

Sounds loopy, doesn't it?

I got into a flame war with these guys over this. What? Did they expect us to have sex with strangers? However, I could tell that they weren't just expressing the usual cyberspace vitriol. There was really something going on here, and they just weren't able to articulate it very well.

Long story short, after reading thread after thread on this topic, I started to understand that men will make the same mistake as women will. When they're young, they think the opposite sex is like them. As women, many if not most of us have been in a situation where we meet a guy, get along well with him, start having sex, fall in love only to find out six months later that he has no interest in a long-term relationship with us--and may have even known from the beginning! This is why I say it up front that although I don't need to get married to every guy I have sex with, I only want to enter into a sexual relationship where we're exploring the possibility for something more. I tell them that the moment they realize that I'm not The One, to tell me because I won't want to date them anymore.

Men have made a similar mistake. When they're younger, they think women are like them. They courted a girl without pressing for sex (trying to be a nice guy) only to find out six months later that she never was interested in having sex or a relationship with him. "

This is the part that we women don't understand; and even though I know this, I don't actually understand it. When men court women without getting sex, they can end up making a similar emotional investment that women make when they have sex. Just as a woman wants to scream at a guy, "why did you think I was having sex with you all this time for?!", and a man will want to scream at a woman, "why do you think I was giving you all this attention all this time for?"

To make it worse, I really believe that when the primal part of many if not most women are confronted with *what we perceive* to be is a weak male, we get an aggression response, especially if we think he's approaching us for romantic (sexual) reasons. However, not knowing the source of their hostile feelings are coming from their own head, they project it onto the guy as the source and sometimes will sometimes slip up and allow their disgust and contempt to show. That's really got to hurt.

As a woman, you know that getting used for sex hurts like a mother f&*#cker, but I've never had a guy look at me with disgust or contempt when they were rejecting me as relationship material.

This is what I've come to understand on this topic. Ask me a year from now, I'll probably have a different opinion.

But which is worse to be used for sex or to be used for friendship?

Both situations have emotional consequences, but being used for sex has a physical consequence, and a social one.

Depending on the guy being used for friendship can hurt really bad though (i guess). Being used for sex on the other hand...lol cause I know how that feels I guess in my mind it seems worse. hmm.

what do you all think?

A guy can ask 100 women out and 15 might have sex with him.
A woman can ask 100 men out and 95 would be willing to have sex with her.

Women are the gate keepers of sex.

Men are the gate keepers of relationships.

That's why women who ask men out don't do much better than men.

 

[WishingWell]

I may be confused, but I thought we were talking about asking out on dates, not having sex. After you care about each other, then the intimacy part should take place, at least that is my belief.

If I had sex with every man I ever dated--well, there is a name for that!

 

[VanillaCreme]

I may be confused, but I thought we were talking about asking out on dates, not having sex. After you care about each other, then the intimacy part should take place, at least that is my belief.

If I had sex with every man I ever dated--well, there is a name for that!

Well said. I don't always associate a simple date with sleeping with someone.

 

[jales]

asking someone on a date DEFINITELY implies that you are sexually interested in them.

I may be confused, but I thought we were talking about asking out on dates, not having sex. After you care about each other, then the intimacy part should take place, at least that is my belief.

If I had sex with every man I ever dated--well, there is a name for that!

Well said. I don't always associate a simple date with sleeping with someone.

 

[VanillaCreme]

asking someone on a date DEFINITELY implies that you are sexually interested in them.

Not always. Not everything has to be sexual. It may turn into that more often than not, but it doesn't always mean that.

 

[jales]

Well I guess people are different. Never imagined that anyone would ask someone else out if they were not interested in them in that way.. hm.

But well..everyone is different.

asking someone on a date DEFINITELY implies that you are sexually interested in them.

Not always. Not everything has to be sexual. It may turn into that more often than not, but it doesn't always mean that.

 

[WishingWell]

Let me clear up what I was thinking. Maybe the way I said what I meant was confusing.

In order for a man or woman to ask someone out on a date or accept the invitation of going out on a date, I believe (and this is what I do) someone has to be sexually attracted to them...unless you are viewing the date as just remaining friends, which both parties should be aware of before the date occurs.

If dating towards a relationship, having a lot of fun with each other, and mutual caring for each other, I believe then is the time to get intimate...not on a first date, because you don't even know much about each other yet. And, I am not, by any means, saying waiting for a ridiculously long period of time. The couple will know when it's time, and it may even happen spontaneously without talking about it. But, IN NO WAY, should either person pressure the other person for sex if they are not ready. And, sometime that gets tricky. I had a friend that was going out with a guy who threatened to break up with her if she didn't have sex with him. She said she was not ready yet, and, sure enough, he dumped her. She was really hurt, but after we talked and she talked with other friends, she came to realize that if he respected her and really cared about her, he would have waited longer until she was ready...she said she wasn't ready YET, that shouldn't mean that she should keep the guy waiting for a very long period of time though, in my opinion.

I hope this time I made sense of what I was trying to say.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The thing is though, to me, with dates... All a date is to me, is someone saying, "Oh, you're an alright person. Let's go out to eat one day." That's not automatically, "Let me hit that."

It should turn into being more romantic and intimate. Trying to jump bone on the first date can never be good, imo. It slowly but surely turns into something more involved.

 

[nerdygirl]

Since there are also asexual people out there, I think it is safe to assume that not every date request is about sex.

I don't "ask men out" but I've initiated contact on dating sites. More often than not, the guy rejects me at some point.

 

[Mary Mary]

Ladies, I totally understand your confusion. At first, I had no idea what they were talking about.

Now, these guys are wrong. I'm not saying that they're right, but they experienced something real that made them hypersensitive.

You ladies are very nice, so you probably can't imagine that someone will do this; but there are women what will just string a guy along. Just like there are jerk men who'll string a woman along just to keep having sex with them, there are jerk women who'll string men along by taking advantage of the men's romantic feelings. A man who wants to get into your pants makes a good unpaid therapist and errand boy. So these guys went along courting these women doing them all these favors--and the women will let them--only to find that she was never even interested in them in the first place.

You ladies know that when a guy likes you but you don't like him, you don't accept favors or gifts from them. You say, "that's very nice of you, but I can't accept that." Some women don't care. Somebody's offering them something, so they'll just take it.

I totally understand Jales' reaction. I was like, ok I understand this much now; so they used you as a friend. How bad can that be?

But it really bothers men. I've never heard a guy EVER complain about being used for sex. It just doesn't bother them like it bothers us. Likewise, being used as a friend doesn't bother us like it bothers them.

So, the moral of this story is of course you can take what time you need to feel comfortable before you have sex with a guy. It's OK to make him wait if you're *sincere*.