Do you wish women would approach you first?

[ardour]

Nobody wants to be the one to swallow their pride and admit interest if it can be avoided. Too bad really, women approaching as the norm would be safer for them and less stressful for everyone.

 

[murmi97]

Nobody wants to be the one to swallow their pride and admit interest if it can be avoided. Too bad really, women approaching as the norm would be safer for them and less stressful for everyone.

Not if that were the only thing to change, sure women would gain confidence from that agency, but men (including those that are abusers and users) would still wanna "wear the pants", wouldn't they?

 

[Batman55]

Just like gender roles in dating, I can't change what society expects from me. I can only change myself. It's like a board game. I can either play by the rules laid out before me, or I can reject these rules and avoid the game entirely. In society, if I reject social rules, I would have to deal with the difficulties of going against the grain.

Some of us don't always choose to avoid the game entirely--some of us don't know the rules in the first place, or have extreme difficulty with putting them into practice, esp. when these "rules" are extremely conflicting with our innate personality and outlook on things.

The moral of the story is, you can go against the grain and have some measure of success--I think there's a lot of "odd ducks" among us. It just means it will be harder for you than it is for others. So be it, then.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yes, I would love it if women approached me first. I usually see an attractive girl, and am too shy to approach them, even if I find out they like me. I've lost many a possible relationship because I am too shy and meek.

So what guys on here secretly wish or expect(or not so secretly)that some ravishing beauty will spot you out of nowhere and just be dying to meet you and ask you out on a date.

What if she wasn't a "ravishing beauty?" Would you still want her to approach you? Just curious....

I think what he means is, ravishing beauty, to him.

Sometimes women think they're unattractive, when they're completely gorgeous. I've met my share of women like that, who think that they don't deserve a relationship because they are unattractive. The very first girl I asked out, when I was 13, kept on rejecting me, and her reasoning was that she wasn't attractive enough to date me (seriously.) She was adorable, and still is, actually, although now at 31 I think she is over her insecurities enough to date someone, because she is engaged.

A lot of guys feed on this insecurity to try to manipulate women. I don't understand it, but it just makes them feel even less beautiful, which is sad.

 

[jason2023]

Believe it or not, I would not wish it to happen. If it did, then general first thoughts would probably be how many guys has this girl slept with? Wouldn't that damage the male ego? Girls have the upperhand naturally anyway, in that they're more likely to get what they want because we're suckers for it. Too much power!

Society says that guys who bang lots of women are lads / players. However, society frowns upon girls who sleep around - labelled as slut. Just won't happen.

I'm not however saying they shouldn't meet half way or quarter way, in the sense that they should at least make obviously indicators of interest. Whether it's smiling, eye contact, etc. However the problem is 1) us men are not that great at picking up sub-communication (girls are more intuitive on it) and 2) even if you got indicators you need some balls... Which comes to the topic of discussion.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Believe it or not, I would not wish it to happen. If it did, then general first thoughts would probably be how many guys has this girl slept with?

And to all you men out there, wondering why females might not do the approaching, you finally have your answer.

Disclaimer: While not all men think this way, enough of them do to discourage a large number of women from making the first move.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't think it will happen because of the fundamentals of attraction. The courtship process doesn't usually favor it.

It would be pretty nice though. I've decided that I need to step back from relationship-seeking and just work on myself...I'm going to make myself so good that women won't be able to ignore me. But, I wonder which they will be and if any of them will be ones I'm interested in getting to know.

 

[Some_Bloke72]

The only woman who ever approached me was a chav I'd never meet before and I have never seen since she asked me. I lied and said I was already in a relationship in order for her to leave me alone. I based my fake girlfriend off a fictional character of my own creation and when the chav attempted to convince me to cheat I pretended to get really pissed off and began to rant about how I was loyal and that I loved "Amelia" and so would never do anything to hurt her.

I'm an actor as well as a writer (not as good an actor as I am a writer) so both skills came in handy.

But as for women that I actually like...God yes. I don't know what my first thoughts would be if it happened (which it won't) but it certainty wouldn't be this :

Believe it or not, I would not wish it to happen. If it did, then general first thoughts would probably be how many guys has this girl slept with?

My first thought would probably be:

"Why does she want me? What could I possibly have to offer?"

I'd hopefully I'd find out. I wouldn't ask that question then and there in case it makes her change her mind but perhaps I would ask it after I said yes.

I've never been downright rejected before (that doesn't mean that it doesn't emotionally affect me). In several cases women I've been interested in have been homosexual, already in relationships and in one case bisexual but going through a stage of only dating women.

Now she is in a relationship with a woman (why I haven't tried asking her out again).

 

[EveWasFramed]

My first thought would probably be:

"Why does she want me? What could I possibly have to offer?"

^^ LOL! Finally something I can relate to.

 

[The Underdog]

No. I don't. Next question.

 

[Zed]

I think the question should be, do you wish women whom you find attractive would approach you first?

Unfortunately, all the women who've approached me have been pretty much the opposite of what I find attractive.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I usual attractive women double my age.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I think the question should be, do you wish women whom you find attractive would approach you first?

Unfortunately, all the women who've approached me have been pretty much the opposite of what I find attractive.

Yea, I agree. That's the same as what happened to me. I've only had 3 women approach me, and none of them really had what I was looking for. Not only that, but they did not exceed the women I knew of that I would like to be in a relationship with. They did not knock them out of first place.

 

[EveWasFramed]

*rolls eyes*

The lot of you need to stop whining about women not approaching you. You make it clear you only want CERTAIN females to approach you. Well you can't have your cake and eat it too!

 

[The Underdog]

Yea, I agree. That's the same as what happened to me. I've only had 3 women approach me, and none of them really had what I was looking for. Not only that, but they did not exceed the women I knew of that I would like to be in a relationship with. They did not knock them out of first place.

Men can have standards too?! Why wasn't I informed?!

 

[TheSkaFish]

Yea, I agree. That's the same as what happened to me. I've only had 3 women approach me, and none of them really had what I was looking for. Not only that, but they did not exceed the women I knew of that I would like to be in a relationship with. They did not knock them out of first place.

Men can have standards too?! Why wasn't I informed?!

You can have anything or anyone you want. Just gotta figure out the right way(s) to get whatever, or whomever, that might be.

 

[The Underdog]

You can have anything or anyone you want. Just gotta figure out the right way(s) to get whatever, or whomever, that might be.

So sarcasm isn't your strong point. You make a good point with self-growth and development. With as much time the average person wastes online, they could use it to find information that will ultimately better their selves and situations. What you said reminded me of a certain Cracked article. Hyberbole abounds, of course, but there is truth in its words.

 

[nerdygirl]

*rolls eyes*

The lot of you need to stop whining about women not approaching you. You make it clear you only want CERTAIN females to approach you. Well you can't have your cake and eat it too!

Exactly the thing I get annoyed by when I read these threads. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to be approached by somebody you find attractive, but it's a bit dishonest to say nobody ever approaches you if that isn't what happens. I wouldn't say there wasn't any soda at the store because they were out of the one I wanted.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I usual attractive women double my age.

2 women as well and one was 90 years of age.
so it's not a regular occurrence.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

*rolls eyes*

The lot of you need to stop whining about women not approaching you. You make it clear you only want CERTAIN females to approach you. Well you can't have your cake and eat it too!

But it IS fair to say there's certain types we (men & women) don't want approaching us....for me it's more behavioural than appearances.