Do you wish women would approach you first?

[ardour]

*rolls eyes*

The lot of you need to stop whining about women not approaching you. You make it clear you only want CERTAIN females to approach you. Well you can't have your cake and eat it too!

The perception of women who do initiate as 'easy', nymphos etc. is only because it's that uncommon.

On top of that a man attempting conversation who doesn't meet the criteria of a particular woman is likely to be labelled a stalker, a creep etc. which is never going to happen to women.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I've had women come off stalkerish and creepy to me, so yeah it does happen to them.

 

[EveWasFramed]

The perception of women who do initiate as 'easy', nymphos etc. is only because it's that uncommon.
On top of that a man attempting conversation who doesn't meet the criteria of a particular woman is likely to be labeled a stalker, a creep etc., which is never going to happen to women.

So the few women who WOULD initiate really have a reason NOT to, then don't they (if what you say is fact)? So, doesn't that add to the plight of men (saying women don't do the approaching) having difficulty running into to women who are willing to make the first move? So, following that logic, then aren't some men actually perpetuating the problem? Just sayin....

Also, attempting a conversation (by someone who "doesn't meet the criteria of a particular woman") is NOT the same as being stalker-ish.
Not even close.
Never happen to women? I disagree. I've heard my own brothers call girls stalkers when displaying certain behaviors.

Sorry, but I must disagree with these statements.

 

[Scotsman]

People think too much about this stuff. Surely it's as daunting a prospect for both parties so why should any expectation, pressure or even hope be placed on any one side to do the approaching. If you like someone then you can't expect them to act on the fact that YOU like THEM. It's maybe up to YOU to act on YOUR feelings and not expect someone else to act on them for you. You act, if they feel similarly they reciprocate, if they don't you walk away knowing you tried and the other person walks away flattered at least by your interest. Nobody loses really.

 

[HappyYogi]

Can I just say as a woman...that a woman taking the lead is a mistake for the woman? If she does, she may flatter the man's ego but she will never be chased and never be as adored as the woman he had to chase.

I wish this was not true but it is! At least for masculine men.

I am for flirting and letting the man know you are available and interested so he can take the next step...but talk to him first. Nope. Doesn't work. It even turns off even the most liberal of men and they don't even know why themselves.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sorry nope. I don't mind a woman making the first move, takes a lot of the pressure off.

 

[The Underdog]

Da. Women no approach first since 1992, after fall of first Soviet Union.

 

[ardour]

Can I just say as a woman...that a woman taking the lead is a mistake for the woman? If she does, she may flatter the man's ego but she will never be chased and never be as adored as the woman he had to chase.

I wish this was not true but it is! At least for masculine men.

I am for flirting and letting the man know you are available and interested so he can take the next step...but talk to him first. Nope. Doesn't work. It even turns off even the most liberal of men and they don't even know why themselves.

No problems here with a women approaching, not a turn off at all.

This statement is more likely about what you - women as a group - prefer, not men.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Can I just say as a woman...that a woman taking the lead is a mistake for the woman? If she does, she may flatter the man's ego but she will never be chased and never be as adored as the woman he had to chase.

I wish this was not true but it is! At least for masculine men.

I am for flirting and letting the man know you are available and interested so he can take the next step...but talk to him first. Nope. Doesn't work. It even turns off even the most liberal of men and they don't even know why themselves.

No problems here with a women approaching, not a turn off at all.

This statement is more likely about what you - women as a group - prefer, not men.

Unfortunately, she makes a very valid statement. It's been my experience that doing the chasing doesn't work out too well.
Again, that's my own personal experience.

 

[Cavey]

People think too much about this stuff. Surely it's as daunting a prospect for both parties so why should any expectation, pressure or even hope be placed on any one side to do the approaching. If you like someone then you can't expect them to act on the fact that YOU like THEM. It's maybe up to YOU to act on YOUR feelings and not expect someone else to act on them for you. You act, if they feel similarly they reciprocate, if they don't you walk away knowing you tried and the other person walks away flattered at least by your interest. Nobody loses really.

WWC and Scotsman reappearing on the same day? Is it some kind of ALL reunion that I wasn't invited to?!

 

[WildernessWildChild]

People think too much about this stuff. Surely it's as daunting a prospect for both parties so why should any expectation, pressure or even hope be placed on any one side to do the approaching. If you like someone then you can't expect them to act on the fact that YOU like THEM. It's maybe up to YOU to act on YOUR feelings and not expect someone else to act on them for you. You act, if they feel similarly they reciprocate, if they don't you walk away knowing you tried and the other person walks away flattered at least by your interest. Nobody loses really.

WWC and Scotsman reappearing on the same day? Is it some kind of ALL reunion that I wasn't invited to?!

We both got parole.

 

[Scotsman]

^And we're happy together.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Get your hand out of my pocket.

 

[Cavey]

Don't make me laugh too much - I'm too lazy to get up and my bladder might give way...

 

[WildernessWildChild]

^I still remember that first night in the cell- you quietly said "Don't point and don't laugh", it was magical

 

[Scotsman]

But you still pointed and laughed. Then again, you did insist on standing naked in front of the mirror for a while.

 

[ardour]

Exactly the thing I get annoyed by when I read these threads. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to be approached by somebody you find attractive, but it's a bit dishonest to say nobody ever approaches you if that isn't what happens. I wouldn't say there wasn't any soda at the store because they were out of the one I wanted.

Never been approached and in my lifetime women I didn't already know have initiated friendly conversation maybe... 3-4 times. That's over 17 years of adult life.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

But you still pointed and laughed. Then again, you did insist on standing naked in front of the mirror for a while.

Sigh....don't you have some body waxing to attend to?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What bothers me is that it is a double edged sword, for shy men. If we come on too strong, we're creepy. If we sit back and let her do the approaching, we aren't interested.

Where is the middle ground? I've asked this on at least four different forums, including here, and never had an answer. I always just get a "Oh, it'll just happen" nonsense which is frankly insulting at this point.

 

[Nightwing]

What bothers me is that it is a double edged sword, for shy men. If we come on too strong, we're creepy. If we sit back and let her do the approaching, we aren't interested.

Where is the middle ground? I've asked this on at least four different forums, including here, and never had an answer. I always just get a "Oh, it'll just happen" nonsense which is frankly insulting at this point.

I can see that and I can see how it's unhelpful.
The major thing which helps here is confidence. The ability to relax. From my experience... there are women who will never be interested in you. No matter what you say or what your approach is. So what I do for confidence is to tell myself. "She won't be interested. Let's go have a laugh." That way, if she's not interested... I was right and I lose nothing. I think some groups of guys have a similar method of getting their courage up. They'll dare each other to do something stupid/outrageous etc. The principle is the same.

The most successful "middle ground" as I've found, tends to be simplicity itself. Walk up, smile and say hello. Say you spotted her and mention whatever it was about her physically you liked. If your reason is "great tits" then please stop reading this, as I don't think you should be reproducing anyway. Make sure you roll the compliment into suggesting something about her is sexy and you'd like to get to know her. This makes it clear you're not there exclusively for a friendship. With all that done... you're over the hardest part, so just have a conversation. Get to know her a bit. See if you have any interests in common. Any similar likes.

Hopefully that's a little more helpful than the previous responses you've had. Though don't peg me as a pick up artist. I'm not. Generally I'm pretty unsuccessful. Though I put that down to a combination of being below average in the looks dept and having the bad luck to consistently pick women to talk to who have no social skills. (That could also just be them trying to get rid of me. It works well.)