How can ugly people gain social skills?

[The-One]

I don't know any ugly people with good social skills. I myself am an ugly mofo with terrible social skills in both personal and increasing of late professional scenarios as I move through higher education.

The personal is what you'd expect, little real life platonic or erotic interaction but the professional sounds laughable. Fired from a salesman job for gross incompetence. Forced resignation (did not stick around to be put on probation, harrassed then fired) from waiting job for "not gelling" with the rest of staff socially. Failed every interview that has ever required me to demonstrate a competency in working with people in a group. Luckily my last interview for my university course was one on one.

I am this way because I have been ugly all my life, the sum of every interaction that should have been a learning experience but never was. Success begets success and failure begets failure. I do not feel I have learnt anything positive from my social failures.

I believe being ugly negatively socialises people. Where by positive socialisation is a virtuous circle; negative socialisation is a vicious circle. A good looking kid growing up will be propelled to success while a ugly looking kid will be driven to pariahood and failure. The effect is cumulative on the affected and self fulfilling to those affecting.

My answer is to become beautiful via surgery (what I will look like immediately after my planned surgeries)/exercise/diet to wipe the slate and attempt to start anew. But I realise some people are beyond fixing in that manner or do not agree ideologically with the pursuit of beauty or right now are just too young to do anything but still have hopes.

What makes you hopeful that you will gain social skills looking like the way you do now?

 

[Badjedidude]

Gaining and exercising social skills has very little to do with physical appearance.

I've personally known several guys who were god-awful ugly, but they were the coolest, funniest, most up-standing motherfuckers I've ever known, and people wanted to be around them because of this.

If you're living somewhere where physical appearance is so overrated... then maybe you should MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE.

 

[route95]

I agree. It isn't about looks.

Also, there have been many a guy I've met who I thought was "ugly" at first, but their personalities were just so awesome that I eventually got extremely attracted to them.

It seems people are drawn to those who act like they have self confidence...it's about practice, really. I don't think that everyone ugly is doomed to have no social skills, however.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Are you male or female?

 

[Minus]

I can't say that i have ever noticed and relationship between looks and social skills. Probably more of a relationship between personality type and social skills.

 

[LGH1288]

The-One -- IMO it's the people with ugly hearts who lose out on loving persons with beautiful souls. Shallow, narrow-minded people are the ones who need to expand their social skills to include acceptance of human beings who possess a unique appearance. Speaking from a personal perspective, I would never discount the chance to develop a deeply meaningful relationship with another person based solely upon aesthetics. As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder! LG

 

[LonelyAtTimes]

Right now we are taking your word that you are "ugly", maybe you are not as ugly as you think you are????

Or maybe you are quote unquote ugly (by societal standard???), and if you are then that may be something you can not change, can't change the physical, but what can you change, how you present and interact, and that is not solely dependant on "looks", it is or can be harder without the looks but get on with it....find a web site, google "how to have a great conversation", see what you can find???????????? or a book or two or three from the public library....start building.....not nessecarily easly but possible and WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

START NOW!!!!!---EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE

 

[Mr. Sir]

Kick your looks up a couple notches, it's not that hard. Start juicing up, take creatine, PM and I will tell you about the workouts you should do. Cool haircut, cool clothes, kill off your acne. Ugliness can be cured. I cured mine. You can cure yours.

 

[Thrasymachus]

While I will not say looks do not matter, your ideas are not healthy. You are saying essentially that you do not want to do any self improvement yourself, instead you dream to pay for plastic surgery, with the hope that after your life will be different. I have a feeling if you went through with it, you would find this would not be the case.

Why not try first physical improvement without surgery by lifting weights?
Why not try first to improve your mental attitude by getting into Tibetan Buddhist meditation?

 

[wresponpanfruit]

I assume being socially-adept while ugly would require one to not give a **** about what they look like and just be oneself... ? I imagine, anyways. I've known lots of ugly yet very socially functional people (not me -- I've got the ugly part down though.. ). I'm not sure how they do it, but they do do it.

 

[misa]

why do you think an attractive phsyical appearance conveys good social skills?

If you want to make friends you have to put forth a positive energy, not hold grudges, be a good person, enjoy yourself, make jokes, be willing to look stupid and laugh at yourself...

i know this because i recently started working as a table games dealer. I am trapped across from people and have had to force myself to be positive for long periods of time.

look, i don't know you and i can't see you, but if social skills have nothing to do with physical appearance.

I have an ugly friend who is really funny and in his own words he said its because it distracts people from his face.

its all in practice though, i think. also, i mean love yourself

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah what misa said, love yourself. As long as you like the person you are the outside doesn't matter. Sure it might not get you the best table at a restaurant, but do you really want to be put on display if you were a "beautiful" person. It's not always easy for them either, sometimes they are labeled as "stuck up" or stuck on themselves, arrogant, conceited, even when they are not, some very much are. I have a female friend who is fairly attractive and a lot of women hated her because guys were always after her. She hated it, she would have loved to be just a regular person or an "ugly" person just to have the attention taken off of her.

I worked with a guy who was (i'll admit it) a good looking guy and he used his looks to bag any woman he wanted. I kind of envied his confidence but not his attitude, he was really stuck on his looks.

 

[Teenage Dream]

Physical appearance MIGHT give you a slight disadvantage when first meeting people. However, that doesn't mean it means everything - in fact, it means quite little as you get to know the other person better. Would you rather talk to a beautiful person who has nothing to say, or an "ugly" person who keeps you laughing for hours? Personally, I'd go for the latter.

I've got a friend who ... can't be considered "attractive", but has hoards of people crowding around him. He makes people feel comfortable and special - like he actually cares and would genuinely help. It's a really warm feeling.

 

[AncientBard]

There's a really interesting book that might interest you called how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. There's some good things in that book and some that I think are rubbish as well but the good information and techniques are really tried and tested. Just a thought that might aid and assist you.

 

[Snickers]

I am a tad bit attractive but I lose jobs, had no strong friends and had to rely on a previous ex-friend whom was 'fat, ugly and stupid' by social norms to get into a normal office job which in turn brought me forward to other jobs (though I didn't do well) and in turn having the money to sponsor my studies.

Social skills are not based on appearances, I can 100% guarantee you when you finally come out of your shell.

 

[INTJ]

If good looks were the requirement for social skills/popularity/success, then how do you explain:

Steven Hawking
Albert Einstein
Don Knotts
Gary Shandling
Tom Petty
Bob Dylan
Rodney Dangerfield
Eleanor Roosevelt
Michael Jackson (post-op)
Mick Jagger
Keith Richards
Carrot Top
Prince Charles
Yoko Ono
Janis Joplin
Steve Buscemi
Marty Feldman
Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman
Anne Ramsey
Ric Ocasek
Patti Smith
Lyle Lovett
Abe Vigoda
Phyllis Diller
Carly Simon
Bea Arthur
Steven Tyler
Barbra Streisand
John Madden
Henry Kissinger

Your problem isn't looks, it's that you have a defeatist mentality.

 

[AncientBard]

Hey now Abe Vigoda has sex appeal >:O

 

[NOAH_FX]

Hawking's not ugly, just disabled.

 

[dead]

Hawking's not ugly, just disabled.

very very true - and further proves INTJ's case as right.

 

[NOAH_FX]

The Quote "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder" is one of the few cliche sayings that are true.

You simply don't percieve yourself the sameway others do. It's like taste, what taste's good to me may not taste the same to you, it may be horrendus. Attraction is not just the definitions of ones body.

One thing I find common with people who call themselves ugly "Myself included" is that they take no pride in their apperance.. Now that may sound wierd "Im ugly, why should I care etc etc" but that dosent mean you cant take pride in what you wear. I have long hair, sometimes i feel gross, but after a shower, washing my hair, a shave, and a fresh set of clothes, a dab of pit stick and I feel alot better about myself. My clother are clean, I may not be the most stylish guy in the world, but i don't look like a "RagaMuffin" as my Mom would say lol. Dress yourself up, act the part, the only difference between confident people and non confident people is confidence.