How do you figure out who you are and what you want to do?

[AimeeLou84]

I'm really struggling with finding out who I really am and what I want to do in my life.I mean I kind of know what I want to do it's more figuring out who I am that gets to me. I'm not sure how you find out who you are? Whenever I try to think of who I really am I start thinking about negative things.I know I need to work on my self esteem which is something I'm also finding difficult.

I don't really have any positive influences around me.I know that other people cannot bring you happiness if you arent truly happy with yourself but everybody needs some positive influence around them to help them along the way.Whether it's a pet, a friend, a family member or a partner.I know some will argue and preach "nobody should help you it should be just you who makes things happen" and to some extent I agree but I still fully believe you need caring people around you to support you throguh the changes.

What does everyone else think?Does everyone know who they are deep down?If so how did you figure it out?

 

[Naleena]

((((((((((((((((((((((AimeeLou84))))))))))))))))))))))
Find out what your passion is. That is a part of who you are. What excites you? What holds your interests? What are you good at?
There are many questions you can ask yourself to find out some of the answer as to who you are. I'll reply more later when I have time.

 

[Naleena]

I know some will argue and preach "nobody should help you it should be just you who makes things happen" and to some extent I agree but I still fully believe you need caring people around you to support you throguh the changes.

BTW, we all need help and others from time to time. It's ok. I think we are all here to HELP each other. No man or woman is an island.

 

[Justaguy]

i have this theory: everyone already is who he really wants to be. You just probably need to take it out. Often we don't act like we'd like because of fear of judgement from other people, or just because we still stick with the image of us that they are used to see.

think about it this way: would you let other people choose for you? even stupid thing like what to eat, what to watch on tv, which car you should buy etc.

i guess no. and would you let them decide how YOUR life should be?

and about the self-esteem: i don't know which problems you have, so i can't really go into detail but think again. whatever is dragging you down, if you can fix it, just do, and if you can't, just don't think about it.

you can be anyone, but if there's something good inside yourself, you will find someone who will appreciate you. so be yourself, make up your mind, and just don't worry about things (i know sometimes it's hard, but you can't imagine how much attitude influences your life)

 

[Nyktimos]

Other people can put pressure on you to be something other than yourself. But if you lose that pressure, figuring out who you're supposed to be is difficult. Don't look for definitive answers. The person you are should emerge from what you do. It's not something you can sit down and decide upon. But I think you are right, in that finding ways to meet others, and learning to be yourself even if those people may not appreciate it, is important. I don't feel I'm helping much. But I think it's a matter of interacting with folks while responding in ways that represent the person you are, not who you feel they want you to be. That's harder than it sounds for most of us.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Aimeee,

it's a little long...but I hope i made it simple


You're on the right track. Whatever pains or let downs you have been going through lately
was just a sign or a part of you knowing ..you deserve better and that you can do better and you
are capible of so, so, so much more...That's why you been depressed becuase a part of you felt
restricted or obpressed. The True you wants to be set free to create and express yourself and your love freely.
Growing pains sort of speak...

Acceptence is a son of a *****...but acceptence is also the key...the lesson itself is accpetence

You're remembering who you truely are....You are love. You are whole. You are complete already.
KNOW this...don't forgot this. Accept this.
ALLOW yourself to accept this...Truth.

Let go..let go of all the lies or delusions of bonage.
Let go of all the guilt , shame, fears.... Release it all.

Drop it...Allow yourself to drop your set backs, pains...ect.
Don't figure them out..Just drop it.
If you try to figure them out....you'll automatically get pull back into the lies or delusions.

This is what I've been going through...I'm bascailly cleaning house and healing.

There's been a lot negative data put into my head about myself. A lot of fears of not being
good enough. Old thinking patterns and beliefs...
The more I accept truth, the more healing , the more the lies melts away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another way to burst the bubbles of delusions. (comfortzone)

No matter how painful or unhealthy it might be to me...If I'm comfortiable with it...I'll stay.
It is about getting honest with myself...evaluating my flaws or shortcomings. (Know thyself)
Once I accept this...I have a start piont or reference piont.
It's not about beating myself up or blaming anyone...It's acceptence.
It dosen't matter how the pains and sufferning got there..i simple have it.

It is my responsiblity to heal myself...it's also a paradox.
Once i accept my responsiblities of this...I feel empower and strength within myself.
I feel free....I'm no longer the victim...I take back control of my life.
I take my life back. I have the power to do so.


Simply dive right into your fears, pains, ...etc
Welcome your fears, pains, grieving...experince them. Don't hold on. Walk through your fears.
It can very, emotional. Letting go of your past, pains, or not being good enough is also like a death.
A part of you will feel like it's dying....It is...Continue to step forward into the pains and through the
pains .Step though it. Be Transparent like. Process it and let go. Step forward to your TRUTH.
It's almost like getting baptise by fire.

It's bascailly detoxing from the lies and delusions. You're mind will get clearer as if a layers
of fogs where lifted. Rose coloure glasses removed from your vision.
Some term this as an Awakening, a spiritaul awakening or getting reborned.

No matter how great your pains or delussions...You're ten zillions times greater than that.
You're problems , fears, pains...ect are but a mole hill.
They may seem great or overwhelming.(that's the delusion) Fear is nothing but a mole hill
that just cast a big shadow. The more you practice doing this..the more the delusions
will slip away...in other words..the bubble of lies will get burst.

Once you accept yourself as who you are...you know who you are..You know you have the
power to do anything you wish to accomplish....many, many accomplishments.

Once you're in that state of being...of just knowning who you are..
it's like a state of total blizt...total love..total peace total serenity.
Some religious people will term this stat of being ATONEMENT or TRINITY. BEING WHOLE.
You aligned yourself with the unlimited power of GOD...or the unlimited power of the universe.
GOD's will for you is that you BE HAPPY..achieving anything you wish.
It's beyound hope..it's beyound faith...IT's A KNOWING.

As a child you did not questioned your abilties to walk...You simply started walking.
It's a knowing done with grace...

Ignore people that discourage you ...Just becuase they havn't accept themselve or
still living in denial or delusions...dons't mean you have to go back there or revert.

Once you get to truth...it automatic anyways...
Self- esteem, self confidence...all of that comes natural. (GRACE)

You heard of people doing things with grace "GRACE UNDER PRESSURE"
That's beucase they know and accepted who they truely are. They accompish many, many thing
in the face of fears...They're in a state of PEACE and WELL BEiNG in adversities.
Adversities are nothing but mole hills...they know they are greater.

Yes..you might want to be around people to support you , to guide you to that piont.
yes...positive influence.
Yes..you will attract positive people into your life when you accept truth.
Just KNOW this and ACCEPT This....

I mean you accepted the other bullshit(pains and sufferning) already..so why NOT ALLOW yourself to ACCEPT TRUTH ?

You are a child of GOD Aimee..GOD is LOVE..YOU are LOVE ...an expression of love.
(You were never seperated from LOVE/GOD...the delusions/lie/fears....told you that you are)
What you chose to do..is simply an exprssion or extension of that love.

If you love writing ...write.

 

[AimeeLou84]

Lonesome that was a really nice post and it did make sense

Thank you everyone for your replies.I've just been trying to figure out who I am and what i enjoy.I mean nothing seems to relax me.Having a bath with candles does nothing for me.Reading,watching tv-absolutely nothing seems to make me completely happy.Mainly because I aren't happy with myself.I just had the final blow to my confidence today in the fact that my bf (well ex as of now) told me he's sorry if he doesn't seem to care but he's never really been that interested in how anybody feels or anything and I have about a million issues that he can never remember so he finds it hard to keep track with me.

He was the one person that I opened up to.I shared with him how i felt about everything.I tell him my fears about not feeling good enough.But he has just thrown it back in my face.I didn't tell him anything for sympathy.I told him because he said he loved me and I wanted to be able to confide in the person i was with.If he came home from work with a problem then I'd happily listen.I'd be interested because I love him and I don't see it as wasting my time or taking anything away from me.I naturally want to be there for him.But he just doesn't care about anything I ever feel.He's just made me feel so insignificant and he's brought me down by belittling me and making me feel like I'm not important and I'm not normal. He's more interested in the television than he is with me.

Anyway I'm digressing but it's only because we've broken up.The lies he told me were one thing,but throwing everything I've ever told him back in my face as though I'm wasting his time is another. You're right in the fact that i do think I deserve better.As worthless as I do feel,I still feel I deserve someone who genuinely loves me and who doesn't get bored of me.

 

[Brian]

Lonesome that was a really nice post and it did make sense

Gah! Why must you encourage him?

 

[AimeeLou84]

Lonesome that was a really nice post and it did make sense

Gah! Why must you encourage him?

lol because for once it actually made sense to me

 

[Oceanmist23]

Lonesome that was a really nice post and it did make sense

Gah! Why must you encourage him?

LOL Brian

Aimee, I hope you're feeling better after the replies you got here. Crow's reply was ossum possum (Rocket I might become your post groupie lmao).
For me I've always been able to enjoy things like those you mentioned - having a relaxing bath, watching tv etc. That's because even though I've been lonely, shy, not confident, introvert, antisocial and all that, I've always somehow felt "good" about myself. I mean, myself is my closest friend. If I didn't like myself or if I didn't feel comfortable in my own presence then I don't see how I would've made it to age 24 as sane and alive as I am today lol.

But that's just me. I think I know "who I am" quite well. What I struggle with is finding out what I want to do with my life, mainly meaning what I want to do for a living. The only type of job that I think I would be genuinely happy with is one within some form of animal care, though NOT a veterinarian. The problem with this line of work here in Norway is that it doesn't seem to pay all that well, and I really need to have a good solid income quite soon. So for now that's just a dream that I hope I one day will be able to fulfil. Still, it doesn't give me a boost to do something. I don't feel a drive to get to that point. It just doesn't exist. It never has. It's just a thought that I think sounds nice and cool. It doesn't fill me with energy. Hopefully at some point it will.

I think it's good that you are no longer together with your ex. It sounds like he has some real issues with himself that he needs to sort out before he should involve himself in any relationship. You really do deserve better Don't settle for someone who won't give you real respect, love and happiness. Be clear on what you really want in a relationship, and go for it. Be kind to yourself. Listen to yourself.

How is your mum btw?

*Hugs*

 

[Van Hooligan X]

do what i do, make a nickname that means confidence, eternal remembrance of what your 100% capable of doing to take u far in life and someone who can make a few more friends in life.

hey...sounds weird but it gets the van in places i wouldn't be able to go

 

[wolfshadow]

I'm really struggling with finding out who I really am and what I want to do in my life.I mean I kind of know what I want to do it's more figuring out who I am that gets to me. I'm not sure how you find out who you are? Whenever I try to think of who I really am I start thinking about negative things.I know I need to work on my self esteem which is something I'm also finding difficult.

I don't really have any positive influences around me.I know that other people cannot bring you happiness if you arent truly happy with yourself but everybody needs some positive influence around them to help them along the way.Whether it's a pet, a friend, a family member or a partner.I know some will argue and preach "nobody should help you it should be just you who makes things happen" and to some extent I agree but I still fully believe you need caring people around you to support you throguh the changes.

What does everyone else think?Does everyone know who they are deep down?If so how did you figure it out?

This is somewhat rich coming from an underachiever like me but I firmly believe that we unlock a small piece of our identity with each new venture we undertake. So in effect we become the sum total of how we respond, adapt and learn from the situations, in which our choices place us. There (in my opinion of course) exists no such entity as a finite you or a finite me, we are a perputual work in progress.

Can you imagine for example, the most naturaly talented artist ever to walk the earth, never having the chance or inclination to experiment with his gifts? Apart from being a terrible waste of aptitude, this would also derpive our hypothectical figure of a truly defining quality. Instead let's say this nascent artist ends up working in a cardboard box factory as a rather useless warehouse hand for the majority of his life. One would be tempted to imagine that these circumstances would lead to the development of an altogether different entity than who he might have become had he been fortunate enough to discover his true calling.

 

[alonerly]

Go to college.
It really is a good place to figure some of it out.
If you've already been, ignore my suggestion.