How do you make an omlette out of bad eggs ?

[SofiasMami]

I bet you look good in a hat, TB

-Teresa

 

[Triple Bogey]

Regarding my opinions. I base them on my own experiences. What I see, what I read, what I hear.
So I write them down on here and people disagree with them which is fair enough.
But I am not going to change my mind by simply reading something on a forum written by somebody
I have never met who probably doesn't even live in the same country as me.

For example I think women mostly go for how a guys looks. That's the most important thing they look for.
If I heard a woman say 'he doesn't look like much but he is a really nice guy, that's why I go out with him'
If I heard comments like that then maybe I would change my mind. Over time I would. But I never hear it. It's all about how cute a bloke is. Or they fancy him. Or he's nice (meaning his looks)
blah, blah, blah. And I never hear anything about what a nice person he is or how clever he is or how funny. Maybe it's where I live ? I don't know. But I am not making it up. And if's it controversial
then I am sorry but nobody on here will convince me otherwise.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Funnily enough, I thought of this thread this morning as I was shopping with my daughter. We walked by a store (Abercrombie & Fitch) that had a super-strong scent coming from it. I think I read somewhere that they are one of the companies that pump fragrance into their stores to influence shoppers' buying decisions. I didn't like the smell, though, so I didn't find the store so attractive

I read their sales have been decreasing lately. So I guess the fragrance smell is influencing customer decisions, only not for the better . My opinion? The clothing designs are enough for any sensible person to walk promptly away from one's nearby Abercrombie & Fitch location.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I bet you look good in a hat, TB

-Teresa

I look good in a wooly hat !

 

[lonelypanda]

Regarding my opinions. I base them on my own experiences. What I see, what I read, what I hear.
So I write them down on here and people disagree with them which is fair enough.
But I am not going to change my mind by simply reading something on a forum written by somebody
I have never met who probably doesn't even live in the same country as me.

For example I think women mostly go for how a guys looks. That's the most important thing they look for.
If I heard a woman say 'he doesn't look like much but he is a really nice guy, that's why I go out with him'
If I heard comments like that then maybe I would change my mind. Over time I would. But I never hear it. It's all about how cute a bloke is. Or they fancy him. Or he's nice (meaning his looks)
blah, blah, blah. And I never hear anything about what a nice person he is or how clever he is or how funny. Maybe it's where I live ? I don't know. But I am not making it up. And if's it controversial
then I am sorry but nobody on here will convince me otherwise.

Very true, I wasn't trying to change you mind, just sharing my perspective. I would think anywhere there's lots of men and less women, the women would be more shallow because they have more options and vise versa. There's prob lots that factor in, I feel like in general society is so much more shallow as a whole. Everywhere you look it's all about being hot, enhancing your looks. It's almost like being brainwashed, sometimes I feel like it gets to me and im being brainwashed. All I see is beautiful woman with perfect bodies and perfect faces and I obsess over wanting to be like that. It's one of the reasons I deleted facebook, it wasnt a healthy thing for me. Lol it made me hate myself, I feel like I like my face more the less I sit there comparing myself to others.

 

[Veruca]

TB- I guess when you say "women", you mean the ones in your town. Could be true...they could all be shallow. So the guys who are married/have girlfriends, are all these men good looking guys? If so then I can see how you would come to this conclusion about women. Scary to think that only the good looking guys in your town are married/dating and every single not so great looking guy is single.

But I can say that as a well travelled person, including the UK, everywhere else, its different. Theres no distinction between the good looking versus not good looking guys.

If you ever get the opportunity, Id suggest for a trip to an urban/metropolitan city. Just sit in a busy place and observe. It would be very clear that people are dating all kinds of people. You could even observe rich versus poor because some people here think that if a guy has no looks then he gets women because he is rich. You could go to a poor part of town to observe this.

Perhaps this will change your mind. Because frankly speaking, with this line of thought that women only go for looks, chances of dating becomes slim. Even if you meet a lovely unsuperficial lady, shes probably going to be uninterested in men who stereotype women. =/

 

[BreakingtheGirl]

Man, a lot of arguments & rude comments on here... I had to think three times about posting my thoughts & not getting slayed over my own personal experiences. Here it goes..

TB personality is USUALLY a huge factor. Confidence, humor, respectful, being a good listener, and showing care are things I've personally found first in guys I've dated. But for me, all those traits went out the window a few months to 1 year in dating, so you got to be genuine & actually work on having these traits, not faking them like many guys do to win a chick over lol. Yes it may take time for females to pick up on personality traits, but becoming good friends first is usually the best way for a good relationship to last.

I've dated many guys who had great personalities & made me laugh but weren't the best looking guys. Sometimes looks ruined the relationships w 2 guys I dated because their friends would question why I was with them (meaning I was using them for money or whatever & then insecurities appeared out of nowhere). NONE had much money/living paycheck-to-paycheck, btw, so they had trust issues about that for no reason. A guy that broke my heart a few yrs back was not much of a looker, 6', somewhat overweight & had hair all over his body...like everywhere...covered up in the summer... but he had the best sense of humor from all guys I have dated, very confident, always listened to me when I needed it, very comforting & chivalrous, genuinely cared and showed respect for me. He was the biggest sweetheart but looked like he could beat someone up due to his size.
This guy was a little tooo confident though & tried playing me with his ex, so yeah. He's the only ex I can speak highly of & wish well though lol.

Anything you decide to do, always be genuine! It will cause less headache, heartache & arguments with a woman later on . Make sure the woman is genuine as well of course. A lot of fake chicks out there too, not ever worth your time!

 

[TheSkaFish]

I can see what you mean with people criticising those who wear wigs. But in a way, I feel like some people think it's the lesser of the two evils, between wearing a wig and not wearing a wig, showing off their shaven head or a hat that still doesn't exactly hide their shaven head (even if a fully bald person wears a hat, you can still pretty much tell they're fully bald). I could understand these people though... they wear wigs for a lot of reasons and not many can accept how they look due to whatever the circumstances.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. I was just thinking in Bogey's case, a hat would seem like a better fit. Like someone was saying on the other "Wigs" thread, I feel that people are usually more accepting of people who wear wigs for certain reasons over others. And I think in Bogey's case, people might be more receptive to a hat.

I never told anyone this but a few people close to me....

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you re-live that just now

So in a way I can understand what TB might feel, with or without a hat, with or without a wig, people are bound to criticise anyway cos he doesn't look "normal" to what society prefers. So what can you do? What did I do? I lived with it. There comes a point in time when you just realise it's not worth your time and energy worrying about what people might think of your appearance. I tried to be happy with how I look no matter how hard it was.. I think the most important thing is to realise that people will always be mean about it (I even had strangers tell me I was ugly), so I might as well live contentedly with my appearance the best way I can. If I'm not kind to myself, who can be?

The strangers who decided to go out of their way to call you ugly, that's heartless. Shame on them.

You're ultimately right, it really isn't worth it to worry so much about what people think, especially if it gets you down to the point where you stop living because of it, or if you start to loathe yourself over it. But instead of using it as a way to appeal to others, a hat or wig or something might just give TB more confidence. It might help him with just that - being kinder to himself.

And I'm glad TB is still trying to improve his appearance to feel better about himself. I hope you'll find some peace with your appearance, TB. Good luck.

Me too. It might just take a little time and effort for him to find his style, but I totally think it is possible for him to improve his appearance to his liking. And I also agree with whoever is saying to get a nice scent as well. Sometimes I spray on some cologne before I go out and it definitely boosts my confidence. It's worth a try, every little bit helps.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I never told anyone this but a few people close to me....

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you re-live that just now

Oh it's okay. I used to feel a little uncomfortable talking about it.. but I think I'm coming to terms with it.. finally? Like after more than 6 months lol.

Me too. It might just take a little time and effort for him to find his style, but I totally think it is possible for him to improve his appearance to his liking. And I also agree with whoever is saying to get a nice scent as well. Sometimes I spray on some cologne before I go out and it definitely boosts my confidence. It's worth a try, every little bit helps.

Yeah, I think so too, now that I recall my experiences with scents. I have this colleague who smells me every time I'm around her. She tells me she likes how I have this floral smell I tend to have. Another time, a new colleague I just met for the first time, complimented me on my perfume scent. So, it is a conversation starter for sure.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Man, a lot of arguments & rude comments on here... I had to think three times about posting my thoughts & not getting slayed over my own personal experiences. Here it goes..

TB personality is USUALLY a huge factor. Confidence, humor, respectful, being a good listener, and showing care are things I've personally found first in guys I've dated. But for me, all those traits went out the window a few months to 1 year in dating, so you got to be genuine & actually work on having these traits, not faking them like many guys do to win a chick over lol. Yes it may take time for females to pick up on personality traits, but becoming good friends first is usually the best way for a good relationship to last.

I've dated many guys who had great personalities & made me laugh but weren't the best looking guys. Sometimes looks ruined the relationships w 2 guys I dated because their friends would question why I was with them (meaning I was using them for money or whatever & then insecurities appeared out of nowhere). NONE had much money/living paycheck-to-paycheck, btw, so they had trust issues about that for no reason. A guy that broke my heart a few yrs back was not much of a looker, 6', somewhat overweight & had hair all over his body...like everywhere...covered up in the summer... but he had the best sense of humor from all guys I have dated, very confident, always listened to me when I needed it, very comforting & chivalrous, genuinely cared and showed respect for me. He was the biggest sweetheart but looked like he could beat someone up due to his size.
This guy was a little tooo confident though & tried playing me with his ex, so yeah. He's the only ex I can speak highly of & wish well though lol.

Anything you decide to do, always be genuine! It will cause less headache, heartache & arguments with a woman later on . Make sure the woman is genuine as well of course. A lot of fake chicks out there too, not ever worth your time!

I honestly believe now that England is very different to America. The people are different. How people describe things, personality is important just doesn't happen over here. Yesterday this woman on her facebook said she wanted to meet a rich man to look after her. Not a nice man, a rich man.

 

[BreakingtheGirl]

Man, a lot of arguments & rude comments on here... I had to think three times about posting my thoughts & not getting slayed over my own personal experiences. Here it goes..

TB personality is USUALLY a huge factor. Confidence, humor, respectful, being a good listener, and showing care are things I've personally found first in guys I've dated. But for me, all those traits went out the window a few months to 1 year in dating, so you got to be genuine & actually work on having these traits, not faking them like many guys do to win a chick over lol. Yes it may take time for females to pick up on personality traits, but becoming good friends first is usually the best way for a good relationship to last.

I've dated many guys who had great personalities & made me laugh but weren't the best looking guys. Sometimes looks ruined the relationships w 2 guys I dated because their friends would question why I was with them (meaning I was using them for money or whatever & then insecurities appeared out of nowhere). NONE had much money/living paycheck-to-paycheck, btw, so they had trust issues about that for no reason. A guy that broke my heart a few yrs back was not much of a looker, 6', somewhat overweight & had hair all over his body...like everywhere...covered up in the summer... but he had the best sense of humor from all guys I have dated, very confident, always listened to me when I needed it, very comforting & chivalrous, genuinely cared and showed respect for me. He was the biggest sweetheart but looked like he could beat someone up due to his size.
This guy was a little tooo confident though & tried playing me with his ex, so yeah. He's the only ex I can speak highly of & wish well though lol.

Anything you decide to do, always be genuine! It will cause less headache, heartache & arguments with a woman later on . Make sure the woman is genuine as well of course. A lot of fake chicks out there too, not ever worth your time!

I honestly believe now that England is very different to America. The people are different. How people describe things, personality is important just doesn't happen over here. Yesterday this woman on her facebook said she wanted to meet a rich man to look after her. Not a nice man, a rich man.

Oh I didn't realize you were in England. I'm sure many things I've said/slang might not make sense if that's what you mean? It's also the different cultures of different countries, but all countries have shallow, superficial people. America DEFINITELY has shallow people everywhere. I'm in Los Angeles, the breeding place of superficiality & materialism in the States. I've never fit in in this city & I was born & raised here. Didn't click with many of my friends in high school due to shallowness & greed (tried looking online what the UK equivalent of high school is called but I didn't understand ...secondary school?).

An example: My mom's parents are from the Philippines. Grandma chose my stubborn, handsome, yet poor farmer grandpa over a well-loved, rich, not attractive Doctor there. She chose looks & has said she regrets it because she'd rather be wealthy. Superficial people are in every country & generation.

Good people are out there, I promise! Women like that FB lady are ones you want to be miles away from. I've known many & nothing is ever good enough for them. Plus this generation has horrible priorities, it's embarrassing & immature.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I honestly believe now that England is very different to America. The people are different. How people describe things, personality is important just doesn't happen over here. Yesterday this woman on her facebook said she wanted to meet a rich man to look after her. Not a nice man, a rich man.

To be fair, I think everyone who isn't rich says that at some point in their lives, mostly as a joke or because they are tired of struggling.

I'm sure it probably is different, but personally, I feel that people talk about looks more than personality because it's the "social norm" to do so.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I also live in a very poor / low class area.
It's a different mindset to what most people on here will understand.

---

I honestly believe now that England is very different to America. The people are different. How people describe things, personality is important just doesn't happen over here. Yesterday this woman on her facebook said she wanted to meet a rich man to look after her. Not a nice man, a rich man.

To be fair, I think everyone who isn't rich says that at some point in their lives, mostly as a joke or because they are tired of struggling.

I'm sure it probably is different, but personally, I feel that people talk about looks more than personality because it's the "social norm" to do so.

Yes I agree the 'wanting a rich man' was probably banter. Similar to women wanting someone tall, dark and handsome. And you are could be right about the looks part. It's probably just bullshit to impress their friends. Sometimes though not always. It would be nice to hear a woman talk about a guys personality once in a while though. Instead of the avalanche about looks which does annoy me.

I always thought I was reasonable looking when I was younger but women never showed much interest in me. I got the odd comment. But nothing direct. And I went out more in those days. I tried more than I do now.

So in short I have been good looking and unattractive and both times women weren't interested. I can be quiet, I can be talkative. Nothing works. If there was 99 women and 100 guys in a room and the women were told to pick a guy. I would be the guy not to get picked. Everytime.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I always thought I was reasonable looking when I was younger but women never showed much interest in me. I got the odd comment. But nothing direct. And I went out more in those days. I tried more than I do now.

What if you were only off by a few things though? For example, I think I look pretty bad without a shave but as soon as I do shave I think I move up a few points on the looks scale. When I fix my posture I move up even more. If I was working out, I'd move up still more.

I think good looks are the sum of a lot of little things. Sometimes people just luck into the whole package but a lot of the time I think good looks happen when a person is doing a lot of small things right.

So in short I have been good looking and unattractive and both times women weren't interested. I can be quiet, I can be talkative. Nothing works. If there was 99 women and 100 guys in a room and the women were told to pick a guy. I would be the guy not to get picked. Everytime.

I feel for you Bogey, but this reminds me of something I read yesterday about when someone asked inner-city kids about going to college. They said that they thought they weren't wanted there, so they weren't even going to try, and as a result passed up on opportunities for success. I should take my own advice because I find myself slipping into feeling this way a lot about various other topics. It takes conscious effort to reshape your views.

I just think you have to tell yourself that there's got to be something you can do, there's got to be some way you can win. If you tell yourself it's over though, you're already beaten before you begin.

What's the smallest thing you think you could do to look better or be more attractive? Maybe try this, and then try the next smallest thing, and work your way up.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I always thought I was reasonable looking when I was younger but women never showed much interest in me. I got the odd comment. But nothing direct. And I went out more in those days. I tried more than I do now.

What if you were only off by a few things though? For example, I think I look pretty bad without a shave but as soon as I do shave I think I move up a few points on the looks scale. When I fix my posture I move up even more. If I was working out, I'd move up still more.

I think good looks are the sum of a lot of little things. Sometimes people just luck into the whole package but a lot of the time I think good looks happen when a person is doing a lot of small things right.

So in short I have been good looking and unattractive and both times women weren't interested. I can be quiet, I can be talkative. Nothing works. If there was 99 women and 100 guys in a room and the women were told to pick a guy. I would be the guy not to get picked. Everytime.

I feel for you Bogey, but this reminds me of something I read yesterday about when someone asked inner-city kids about going to college. They said that they thought they weren't wanted there, so they weren't even going to try, and as a result passed up on opportunities for success. I should take my own advice because I find myself slipping into feeling this way a lot about various other topics. It takes conscious effort to reshape your views.

I just think you have to tell yourself that there's got to be something you can do, there's got to be some way you can win. If you tell yourself it's over though, you're already beaten before you begin.

What's the smallest thing you think you could do to look better or be more attractive? Maybe try this, and then try the next smallest thing, and work your way up.

I'm not a defeatist about most things. I am fairly optimistic. But when it comes to women, I can't think for one second I will ever be successful. It's not up to me, I have no say whether a woman likes me. It's up to them. I can't force them.

There isn't anything I can do to make myself more attractive to women.

 

[ardour]

I'm not a defeatist about most things. I am fairly optimistic. But when it comes to women, I can't think for one second I will ever be successful. It's not up to me, I have no say whether a woman likes me. It's up to them. I can't force them.

There isn't anything I can do to make myself more attractive to women.

There probably are things you could do. No being so friggin blunt and negative, losing some weight (going by an old photo you posted some time ago) , smiling etc. Whether you consider it worth dong is something else.

 

[Xpendable]

Never herad a woman say: I want a positive men.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Never herad a woman say: I want a positive men.

Neither have I.

C'mon we all know what women really want.

While I must say women seem to like me as a friend / work mate etc. They don't find want me as anything else. Which really isn't that bad. Because I do enjoy talking to women in a casual way.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Never herad a woman say: I want a positive men.

Neither have I.

C'mon we all know what women really want.

Well, listen a little harder, because women say a lot of things. Some have said they want a positive man. Some have said they want a good looking man. Some have said they want an intelligent man.

YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT WOMEN WANT BECAUSE EACH WOMAN IS DIFFERENT!!! Just stop with that bullshit already.

 

[Xpendable]

Well, listen a little harder, because women say a lot of things.

The problem is that what they say donesn't always fit with what they do.

YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT WOMEN WANT BECAUSE EACH WOMAN IS DIFFERENT!!! Just stop with that bullshit already.

If every woman is different, then what's the point on giving advice to men about them? You can't say be "this way" or "more like this" because all 3.5 billion women on earth are completely different from one another; not a single similarity, NOT A SINGLE ONE.