How many people over 20 are still virgins?

[samba101]

I hope your job interview goes well, fingers crossed you get it. I know how it feels to be unemployed and it's the pits.

Don't feel pathetic about not going to parties I think I went to 3 as a teenager and they only people I knew were two others, I might have gone but it wasn't that great to begin with.

At least your not in my situation, I live with my parents and I'm 33 although I didn't move back until I was 30 moved out at 20.

 

[Tommy Gun]

thanks.

 

[Zhiego]

I'm 24 and a virgin. Probably will remain that way. I don't think I'm the kind of guy girls are interested in. I should probably just learn to accept that, not everybody can be a winner, I guess.

 

[Vladimir Putin]

I'm 24 and a virgin. Probably will remain that way. I don't think I'm the kind of guy girls are interested in. I should probably just learn to accept that, not everybody can be a winner, I guess.

Would you ever visit a prostitute? I couldn't do that.

 

[Fat Guy]

I'm 24 and a virgin. Probably will remain that way. I don't think I'm the kind of guy girls are interested in. I should probably just learn to accept that, not everybody can be a winner, I guess.

Would you ever visit a prostitute? I couldn't do that.

The hell with that, don't be a monster and exploit some woman who is either in a situation of need, some poor immigrant basically being raped, or some drug addict dying for a fix.

I am 30 years old, 360 lbs, and am probably never going to have sex, but I am not going to be like how women see me and be a monster. I am not a person who can use other people like that.

 

[Punisher]

I'm 24 and a virgin. Probably will remain that way. I don't think I'm the kind of guy girls are interested in. I should probably just learn to accept that, not everybody can be a winner, I guess.

Would you ever visit a prostitute? I couldn't do that.

The hell with that, don't be a monster and exploit some woman who is either in a situation of need, some poor immigrant basically being raped, or some drug addict dying for a fix.

I am 30 years old, 360 lbs, and am probably never going to have sex, but I am not going to be like how women see me and be a monster. I am not a person who can use other people like that.

Well said

 

[eleven]

I just turned 27 with no end site in terms of my virginity. Ultimately in my early twenties had to leave work temporarily, get counseling, and take anti depressants because of the depression i went through from it. Even today there are sometimes i just feel nothing else but hurt from not having experienced it.

Its even weird how i stayed one for so long. Through high school was always a nerdy loner mostly not an ugly person or stupid one just always did my own thing. Not really conforming to a social group during high school was never in a click that exposed me to any potential females. I was fine with being a virgin in my teens but all changed when i entered my 20s. Seeing everyone around me mostly people i knew like friends for example seemed to all take a strong liking almost completely revolving their lives around all acts of courtship and everything that went along with it. Sex became basically the end all thought on almost everyones mind i was around about the ages of 18 and on. It really is amazing watching my friends go from complete depressed wrecks before they all got with their significant others to almost complete emotional bliss when they did eventually get with someone. Keep in mind that most of my immediate friends around 20 were loners and pretty much fell in love with and started families with basically the first girl that would put out for them. Not love at first site for them more like need at first site.

I really only started attempting to talk to girls probably about after the age of 21. However with very little experience at the time most interactions very rarely led to anything. If your male and a virgin in your 20s it seems to become harder and harder to loose it the older you get. Society seems to see something wrong with you in terms of being a viable mate. Almost like you wouldnt be worth having sex with like almost you would be an utter failure in bed. If your identified quickly as a male virgin in your 20s amongst any of your social peers you will eventually become labeled as almost un sexable. And this is mostly were i fell being identified as virgin quickly was generally turned down pretty quick amongst females almost like they saw me as not even a potential mate because of my virginity. Almost like in your 20s people dont really wanna have to teach someone especially a male who is generally the person that starts any sort of talking or courtship. One thing that irks me is how false this is i highly doubt sex is in anyway difficult and requires very little learning curve. The stigma attached to sex is that you basically have to be Michael Jordan in bed or you are bad. God made humans with super sensitive sex organs for a reason though to make sure it was never difficult even though society says it takes great skill to be good in bed. Ultimately sex is simply as good as your level of arousal not any one other thing at all. If someone in a trailer with not even a high school diploma can easily do it im sure i can. More or less it becomes the stigma itself that becomes attached to your person in terms of your viability when it comes to mating. Like i said your pretty much doomed once words of your virginity at such an old age start going around the people you are socialy around(like workmates or school for example). I really dont think females suffer from this stigma as I think they can pretty much loose it anytime they want even if they have horrible social skills, there will always be a guy out there willing to take a girl for a ride. If your a mid 20s virgin the best way to loose it would probably be to find a stranger that you have never met and hope that you can talk and court her fast enough before she realizes that yes you have never had sex before they had a chance to pass on you. Of course would be hard for someone like me because I would basically have to lie to tears to someone to make this happen.

Ultimately through my depression I lost most of my high school friends and simply the fact that my virgin self I think just wasn’t appealing for them to be around anymore. People want to go out as couples and perhaps bring their new born children around but don’t want to always bring the weird mid twenties virgin friend all the time. It begins looking bad for them at least socially in public.

This thread seems to have two extremes from people saying they can barley cope with not having it from people saying that its hardly important at all. In my personal opinion the act of mating and everything that goes along with it is almost intrinsic for average people as breathing itself. I mean there is a reason that people with any form of sexual lifestyle will ultimately hold that above almost everything else they do. From revolving work schedule around it to almost all lifes daily activities. For average people i think sex is almost even though a consensual act becomes almost involuntary in necessity. Its funny when i see people not in a relationship for less than a month almost start reverting back to thoughts of depression and suicide until they get back in the grove of regularly having sex with someone. These people would basically give their life to even be in any relationship no matter how bad it was instead of not being in one. If not having sex for a couple weeks leeds people suicidal thoughts then i guess im glad they arent in my shoes. I can only imagine what a normal sexual person would go through if they had to go without sex for 27 years i bet they would become physco killers.

The strangest thing for me and i have become humble about it is now that i am passed my darkest depression and finally on my own two feet again is how hard it is to court someone as a 27 year old virgin. Sexually active people generally exchange sex about as freely as two people shaking hands. For me though might as well be as hard as giving both my kidneys to the same person and still not getting any. A prostitute for me isnt really an option if im going to have sex its pretty much going to be all out, unprotected, will all the threats of unwanted pregnancy and stds that go along with it id rather not have sex with someone in a rubber suit. It all boils dont to your reputational stigma as a 20 something or older virgin. Like a scar that is almost impossible to get rid of once its there.

Ultimately at 27 i really dont know what to do. I really never thought courting someone would be this difficult but i guess thats what i get for not taking the plunge about 10 years ago like everyone else. If all the sudden i could have the reputation as a normal sexual person would courting become a walk in the park like it is for everyone else.

Strange I am even having urges to want to have my own kids now at this age. But then again u usually have to have some sort of sex to make kids. Im even considering maybe hiring a surrogate mother but I haven’t researched that avenue yet. Can i make a family still even though no one i come in contact with desires to mate with me?

 

[AsifACCA]

um 21...still Virgin...

 

[Zhiego]

If your male and a virgin in your 20s it seems to become harder and harder to loose it the older you get. Society seems to see something wrong with you in terms of being a viable mate. Almost like you wouldnt be worth having sex with like almost you would be an utter failure in bed. If your identified quickly as a male virgin in your 20s amongst any of your social peers you will eventually become labeled as almost un sexable. And this is mostly were i fell being identified as virgin quickly was generally turned down pretty quick amongst females almost like they saw me as not even a potential mate because of my virginity. Almost like in your 20s people dont really wanna have to teach someone especially a male who is generally the person that starts any sort of talking or courtship.

That's one problem I face. In our society, it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to be a virgin, because then she's "pure" and "innocent" and not a whore. If a guy is a virgin, it must be because there's something wrong with him.

Like i said your pretty much doomed once words of your virginity at such an old age start going around the people you are socialy around(like workmates or school for example). I really dont think females suffer from this stigma as I think they can pretty much loose it anytime they want even if they have horrible social skills, there will always be a guy out there willing to take a girl for a ride.

Again, true. I don't talk about my virginity to anyone, not even my closest friends. A couple of them are aware of it, but I still won't ever speak about it to them. And whereas I would need a hell of a lot more ability than I have to get sex, any girl can just say "wanna have sex" to any guy and that's it. And worse, if that guy says no, his manhood will still probably be questioned. But at the same time, girls get pissed off that guys "only want sex all the time".

If your a mid 20s virgin the best way to loose it would probably be to find a stranger that you have never met and hope that you can talk and court her fast enough before she realizes that yes you have never had sex before they had a chance to pass on you. Of course would be hard for someone like me because I would basically have to lie to tears to someone to make this happen.

I've thought about trying this, but honestly I don't think I could even pull this off. And it's really not appealing to me, anyway. So frankly, I'm starting to wonder how sex could ever be enjoyable for me, since there's so much that can go wrong and all of it would be pretty much my fault.

 

[dweavis]

Hello, first time poster and here I go.

33 and still a virgin.
33 and never kissed a girl.
33 and never been on a date.
33 and never held a girl's hand.
33 and am always the girl's nice guy friend....

I have seen in other posts on this forum that some women seem to think that all the "nice guys" are taken or are "gay". Well, I am not taken and definitely not gay so what the hell right?

Zhiego man, you are so right and it is nice to see other people that say it how it is. My friends can't relate cause they are all married and have started their families. When I tell my friend's wife that my life is half over at best and I haven't so much as held another woman's hand that it isn't a good sign, she simply tells me to wait and I will find the right one....well that is easy for someone to say that found their husband over 13 years ago and has 5 kids now.

Women hold all the power, men are kinda their being picked like cattle at an auction or being chosen for a certain basketball team out of a crowd. If we sit there and don't do anything about it waiting our turn nicely we are considered cowards, if we take action and be forceful we are mean. There just isn't any winning.

So, I too have thought about the option of finding a stranger and the occasional thought of paying for it crosses my mind (lets face it, I wanna know what its like and it doesn't look like its gonna happen) but that isn't what I want. I want the relationship, someone to spend time with, go out to the movies with, take walks along the beach with, cook dinner for, and talk to. Most importantly though and what is the theme of this forum...I just want someone to care about my day. Someone that I know is out there thinking about me just as much as I am thinking about them. That connection is what I want and no amount of money you can pay someone will ever get you that.

Well, this went off the rails a bit but I have had a lot of this bottled up in me for a while and haven't had any avenue to release it before now. In any case, yeah it sucks being 33 and not knowing what it is like to have made love with a woman, but that is something that I am growing more used to every day that goes by.

 

[Steel]

Thread closed.

---

Ok, after much deletion, I am opening this thread again, and arguments have no place in it.

 

[It was Mine]

I have to agree Life is easy for a semi attractive and up women. Almost like the gods shine on her. Now here's something interesting that people should think about. I can say to my buddy, hey look at her she's hot. And 100% us as men know what a hot girl looks like. For women, that varies HUGE. some love tall guys, some love the huge muscle that's all full of veins. Some love scrawny or shorter guys. That is what makes it hard for us guys and so easy for the women.

Now, yes sex is great, and no it's not really like the porn unless she's into that sort of thing. it usually involves a lot more respect than that. As for experience, woman fear clumsiness down there...and their mood is so easily taken away. It's a tricky art. Having said that, i thought i would be a new man when i had sex. Than life went on the same as the day before i did. You just have to put yourself out there, it won't come to your door.

 

[criminalhaysoos]

I just turned 20 and I've not experienced "the joys of sex", although I do get by. I feel like I'm this accursed being who can't form normal relationships with people. Because I've formed such as early distrust of people, whenever someone is nice to me or shows a remote interest in me, I grow obsessed with them and I cannot fight it. It sickens me. How can I possibly form a sexual relationship with someone when it'll just end up ruining me from the inside out? no pun intended. I've had many chances to lose my virginity but i was too scared that my irrational obsessions would take hold and become a detriment. I am scared.

 

[Ridin Solo]

Because I've formed such as early distrust of people, whenever someone is nice to me or shows a remote interest in me, I grow obsessed with them and I cannot fight it. It sickens me.

I'm in the same boat, man.

 

[firebird85]

19 here. Never had a girlfriend in actual real life, never even had a friend that was a girl, and also never had sex. To me it's scary, and I realize that the more you wait and don't do anything about it the more worse it looks after. Some days, I tell myself how can I ever be in a relationship, because of how much has happened in my life, from dropping out of high school, to practically being a shut-in, a smoking habit, and how I have no social life or friends outside of family. It makes me feel like I'm still a little kid, and I do still live with my mom. Then other days, I tell myself something needs to be done. I actually do know a girl I met online about 4 years ago which I stay in contact with, but she's very far away and we were sort of "together" but I sort of got obsessed with her (sort of like what the guy above was talking about) and we argue alot and now she is almost sick of hearing from me. I realize that nothing will ever really come out of that. Anyway one day I woke up and told myself to go and get a G.e.d for myself and learn to drive (which I'm doing now) and try to find a job for myself. At least I can get back on track, and not feel worthless anymore, and have something to keep me busy, and not waste my life away any longer. When I was 15/16/17, being a virgin and not ever getting involved with a girl didn't really bother me, but it does now. They say some people need a slap at least once in their life. This is a slap that wakes you up to reality. I've gotten that slap and although I do still go through alot I have made up my mind that I need to start trying and stop worrying and stop doing nothing. What happens in the past can't be changed, but you can make up for it. When I was younger I went to school every day and came home. Never went to parties, never did drugs, never had sex or got in trouble with the law. I have drank before but thrive not to do it again. As mentioned, these days it is tough to find someone worthy and maybe I'm wrong (speaking with no dating or relationship experience) in today's world you are a rich super model with a huge mansion the odds are very much against you. Add in no education and no social skills and still being a virgin, and you can say you are doomed. Females, on the other hand, have about 500% better chances. Doesn't matter what your education is, wether you're a virgin or not, where you live, or what you do, because there will always be a desperate dude out there who will take you. Extra points if you have a movie stars body. I'll be entering the 20's chapter next year, and yes it scares me. Some days I look in the mirror, and strangely, something just tells me that I will not die alone, or a virgin. I see myself with someone and I see myself years from now being happier then I've ever been. To finally feel like a normal person again and not a loser. Then on other days I look in the mirror, I see myself still being a loser years from now. During the winter time being single sinks in more.

Like I said, i'll be entering the 20's chapter next year and still haven't hit the ball park. It's gonna be an interesting ride. I really do want to find a nice girl around my age who I find attractive and also finds me attractive, and both of us have an equal connection and will be able to stay stable. You know some one who isn't judgemental, and isn't a slut or a cheater, and can really see me for the guy I am. I'm the total opposite of the ordinary guys my age. I'm not one of those bad dudes who does drugs and has sex with 10 girls in a week. To me I want a single relationship. Not multiple. I would rather have 1 lasting relationship then 10 failed ones. Sex isn't really important to me either although I feel it really is necessary to have it. Maybe when I can get things back on track and in order I can attempt to find someone. But as for the present, I'm pretty much a nobody. Like the invisible guy.

 

[Remedy]

22 and still a virgin and I figure I'll be that way for the rest of my life.

 

[RebeccaSarah33]

I wish I still was a virgin. I tried to save it for someone who was going to spend thier life with me, i felt so disappointed after i lost it because i had no commitment and no ring on my finger. He said he would be there with me always and we could grow old together but he ditched me when the going got rough and now im stuck with the memories that i wish i didnt have with someone who didnt really love me enough to stand by me. If I could rewind time and get my virginity back I would. If I ever get to have a husband I feel sad that I have to tell him that hes not my first. But I'm sure with my age I wont be his first either. I found that its not as big a deal as all the media and magazines make it out to be. Its fun yea, but its not life. It would be really fun with someone that you share life with are there any guys out there in this world that like old fashioned wives like the kind that want to cook dinner and the man be the head of the household while she is submissive lol i dont like being dominant

 

[h i]

...

youre on the right site then. lots of them here.

 

[Badjedidude]

I dunno...maybe I'm gonna get pounded for this but I'm going to take Devil's Advocate here. This is mostly for the virgins on here...if they care to listen to my vast amounts of experience in the matter (insert sarcasm here).

Just for background info: I'm not a virgin; My first time having sex was when I was 17, and it was with a crush I had at the time (not a "real-love" want-to-get-married-to-her situation). So here goes:

I think that people (especially Americans in our sex-driven culture) build virginity up into a HUGE deal, making it much bigger and scarier than it is. The same goes for sex. Maybe I have a skewed perspective of the matter, but from personal experience (and from corroboration with others)...what I understand is that having sex for the first time is ALWAYS sort of awkward and weird--bumbling around under the sheets, knowing what to do but not quite how to pull it off while looking like James Bond, etc. Even if you've HAD SEX before, the first time with a different person is a bit strange...it takes time to know each other! So there's no reason to fear that sex that first time will be awkward--it's GOING to be, no matter what! Even for those who are "experienced" when they do it for the first time with a new partner. There's no reason to fear sex.

If you think about it sociologically, sex is a human interaction...it should be seen as communication, as a social congress between two people rather than some huge deal to be afraid of or look forward to saving for marriage. I think it's nice when people save sex for marriage, but I've also seen a lot of couples who DID and end up in a sexless/unhappy marriage because they just don't have sexual chemistry together...and they found out AFTER they tied the knot. I think it's definitely OK to have sex a few times before considering marriage...because the simple fact is that what you feel while kissing someone and what you feel while having sex with them can be two different things.

So to sum up: The first time you have sex will NOT be a super-romantic, slow-paced, orchestrated event with soft music and candelights like you'd see in a movie. It can be special and definitely meaningful, but my point is, just don't build it into something that it won't be. There's no need to fear it or fear that the person you're with isn't "the one" because it doesn't "feel right" when you try to do it the first time. It's not GOING to "feel right" in the romantic, fairy-tale sense of the word. Just enjoy the person you're with, awkwardness and all. (BY THE WAY...I know it sounds like I'm saying sex will be awful the first time....but it won't. I'm just saying that sex is like a fine wine...it gets better with age--as your experience with it increases.

So next time you're with someone and it's getting a little hot and heavy, making out and stuff, and you think it may be heading towards the bedroom, I say go for it! Enjoy your first time, knowing that it will be better the 2nd, 3rd, 4th...etc. But with that said use caution when choosing who to do it with. And use protection!

Alright, let the beatings commence.

----Steve

 

[packyourbags]

no beatings from me - i agree with what what you said
but then... i'm not a virgin either