It's near hopeless if you're an average (or less) Iooking guy.

[jovanovic]

i am very ugly and doomed.

but i can not accept it....yes there is much good things with staying single but there is also negative things...i try to focus on the good things but i still feel sad....

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

But yes thee are also those that value personality, common interests and humour above looks and status, but if you've run into the first kind by nothing more than a pure streak of misfortune, it changes ones perspective, and those good qualities might get lost in bitterness and anger, or depression and anxiety.

Avoiding or breaking free from that is key, because as much as we all might hate to admit it, the biggest limiting factor is us ourselves. 
(this all can be applied for both genders and attack helicopters alike)

Yeah, sadly I've talked to a lot of girls I like quite a lot that are really hard to open up, simply because they've been essentially harassed way too often, and now have, essentially, a shield up at all times.

I haven't met anyone to the levels you're explaining, but I know they're out there, and it's sad. Basically it amounts to a few foolish people ruin it for the rest of us.


Think online dating. The guys who want to use it to genuinely talk and communicate and find someone are over-shadowed by the horny guys who message purely for sex and act childish, stalk, etc. And that means that women begin to ignore almost all of them because of that. Or fail to notice the good ones entirely, if only for volume alone.

 

[alphacompton]

I feel the topic is totally true. I only had one long 5 year relationship in my life that several friends helped me get into by helping to convince the mutual friend to go out with me. That was pretty good but her parents never approved of me and eventually started to treat her really badly for it, I tried my best to reason with them but they wouldn't talk to me most of the time and wouldn't let me near their house. Eventually I felt responsible for her diminishing relationship with parents and family and I broke up with her when we started fighting a lot. She told me in the 4th or 5th year that I was "forcing her to have sex with me", I didn't sleep with her again. (I have a strong sex drive, I found her very attractive with a nice body so I maybe wanted to sleep with her a lot but I never forced myself on her) Other than this one girl who gave me a chance, women at best only wanted to be friends. I just don't know how to do it. I've watched my much better looking friend go out with and/or sleep with girls I originally liked ( he didn't know or had my permission for them).
I feel I have a hard ethnicity to date outside of, (Indian, West Indian) but I don't seem to appeal to West Indians and I haven't come across any single Indian women near my age(32). Other races don't seem to be attracted to Indians as far as I can see.
I've been working at it for years with no results but this year I finally started losing weight and luckily I got my first salaried full time job (somewhat) in my field. Not a ton of money but should be able to live ok. I'm hoping this helps me turn around my luck with women but I've slowly come to accept that maybe romance isn't destined for everyone. Maybe take what you can get.

 

[alphacompton]

I just wanted to add, I hate being single. I feel like I've enjoyed all the pro's of being single already. I'm ready to move into a house of my own and start a family. I'm not expecting that of every girl I want to date but I wish some girls would go out with me and maybe tell me what's wrong with me other than being overweight, or what things could be better. Dating is supposed to be the non-commitment method of seeing what other people are like in a romantic situation as far as I know.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Say this to Tom Leykis

 

[Xpendable]

You can only enjoy being single when you know you can start a relationship whenever you want.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Not true. I don't know whether I can start a relationship whenever I want or not, but I am having fun being single. Even the idea of having a partner and losing all the freedom of being myself frustrates me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Exactly what M said. It's not about whether you can or can't (which is another matter I'm not even going to go into right now). It's about your attitude

 

[Xpendable]

I forgot to mention that it also helps to have previous relationships to be able to enjoy not having one later. That if you can or cannot get one easily.

---

Exactly what M said.  It's not about whether you can or can't (which is another matter I'm not even going to go into right now). It's about your attitude

I like the fact you have to overlook M's sentence about inevitavly losing his freedom to a woman so you can disagree with me.

 

[M_also_lonely]

I forgot to mention that it also helps to have previous relationships to be able to enjoy not having one later. That if you can or cannot get one easily.

It does help i think. Because, maybe the mystery is no more. In that sense it might help that you didn't miss out on it. Of the two ways, the easier way to be free from a desire is to fulfill it.

 

[kamya]

I forgot to mention that it also helps to have previous relationships to be able to enjoy not having one later. That if you can or cannot get one easily.

---

Exactly what M said.  It's not about whether you can or can't (which is another matter I'm not even going to go into right now). It's about your attitude

I like the fact you have to overlook M's sentence about inevitavly losing his freedom to a woman so you can disagree with me.

---

I think everyone gives up a lot of their freedom and autonomy when entering a relationship. It's a trade off everyone has to think about whether they are a man or woman.

I also think you can be happy staying single, even if you don't think you can get into a relationship whenever you want. It really depends on the person and their attitude and their thoughts on the situation. Also depends somewhat on what their specific desires are. It's definitely understandable why someone might NOT be happy if they feel like they don't have a choice + have no previous experience, but that doesn't mean it's impossible for someone else in the exact same situation to be happy being single.

 

[Xpendable]

It's not impossible, just highly unlikely.

 

[ardour]

It helps to know what you're missing out on in order to reconcile being alone.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

It's helps to know what you're missing out on in order to reconcile being alone.

I'm also going to parrot onto this. If I had some form of established relationship up to this point, being perpetually single wouldn't bother me so much. I'd know what I was missing out on, so I could say, "4/10, was alright, but not overly thrilled -IGN". And I could genuinely move on, and not give a honeysuckle. More to the point, I'd know there wasn't something intrinsically wrong with me, because at some point in my life, someone found me worth their affection for a certain period of time. Alas, here I am. 32 with not so much as a single date to my name.

 

[kamya]

Understandable mhmm.

 

[ardour]

I'd know there wasn't something intrinsically wrong with me, because at some point in my life, someone found me worth their affection for a certain period of time.

i find that those who remain single by informed choice often flat out refuse to acknowledge that.

I'd say it's also a matter of just having something to look back on. To know what it's like for someone put their arms around you, want to be with you,  to be close to someone if just for a while, all that stuff.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What about us who want average-looking people?

 

[Seosa]

I have just given up all together. Period. At one point on line dating was legit but I don't think it is anymore. If the person is not a fake or old account, they are very likely a troll OR scammer. It is possible they aren't but the odds...as they say, are not in your favor. Like you I don't have a realistic chance of meeting anyone in the world I live in. I am surrounded by married men. If there are single men, respectfully there is typically a reason.

"If there are single men, respectfully there is typically a reason."

And the same is not true for women?

---

---

I didn't say that. But women typically value marriage while men on average want sex and then marriage if they have to.

---

Outdated notion.

 

[Xpendable]

What about us who want average-looking people?

What about everyone in this thread?

 

[Seosa]

What about us who want average-looking people?

What about everyone in this thread?

Exactly. Though obviously one may see themselves as average at best, and some others may agree, but then there are some who see supposedly average looking individuals as attractive to them.