My extensive rant on women, relationships, dating, PUA, and society

[Limlim]

SocratesX? Is that you?

 

[nerdygirl]

SocratesX? Is that you?

*snicker* He isn't pushing the alpha male thing enough.

 

[Equinox]

Who's SocratesX? Is there a fun story here?

 

[firebird85]

No I'm not "SocratesX".

 

[EveWasFramed]

Who's SocratesX? Is there a fun story here?

He was a PUA pusher.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

and what if a guy never had even a girl who was a friend before? what do you think of that? what do you think of a guy who makes a online dating profile and gets no messages? People say I'm good looking and look young for my ageI'm thin, I'm in shape, I'm tall, I'm social with people, I'm not a freak. But for me that ultimately means nothing. Women are jaded today.

I'd say that 20-year-old guy should stop being so ludicrously doom-and-gloom about everything and get over this illusion that all women are monstrously selfish beings.

If you were 65 and had been trying all your life to get a girlfriend but never succeeded, I could see why you'd be like this. At your age though, it's just silly.

I've never tried dating sites because I think:

A: It encourages shallow thinking
B: I want to meet my partner face-to-face
C: It's easier to find people I have stuff in common with in real life

Listen to the arguments you're putting forward. They're irrational. Forget dating sites, forget romance for now while you're at it. Focus on befriending a girl. Walk before you run.

You can't expect to fall in love with someone if you can't get on as a friend to them.

I find girls are a hell of a lot easier to become friendly with than most guys, actually. Honestly. Most of them will be happy to talk about pretty mundane, ordinary things. You don't have to talk macho bullshit like you do with a lot of guys.

Lots of girls also like it when you open your emotions to them a little, which guys are definitely not so keen on unless beer has been consumed

They'll just be pleased that you're giving them a little bit of attention. Just chat about the weather, your daily activities, work. Comment on what they're eating during a lunch break if it's your workplace. Even if you don't find a girl hugely physically attractive, spend time just becoming friends with her - treat her like a human being.

****, even just say hi to a few random girls if you can work up the confidence.

Girls are people. That sounds ridiculous, but I'm serious. They're humans too. They want to be respected and loved, just like any guy. They're not evil, cunning, manipulative robots out to destroy "Man"kind.

It's not the girls that are biased and jaded - it's you.

Dead serious, just try talking to a girl casually next time you're in a relaxed work setting or something. It's not hard to do.

You say you're being "social", but to me you can't be if you can't even get to know a woman on a friendly basis, I'm sorry.

 

[firebird85]

I've found that if a guy has something like social anxiety or any kind of shyness issues or hard to open up they will usually ignore or stay away from guys like that.

 

[Equinox]

I've found that if a guy has something like social anxiety or any kind of shyness issues or hard to open up they will usually ignore or stay away from guys like that.

I believe you on this one. Here's why:

I've found that if a girl has something like social anxiety or any kind of shyness issues or hard to open up they will usually ignore or stay away from girls like that.

You see? It runs both ways. Incredible!

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I've found that if a guy has something like social anxiety or any kind of shyness issues or hard to open up they will usually ignore or stay away from guys like that.

It can also work in your favour. If you're really, really shy (as in, can't approach someone you don't even want romantically) it makes things tough. No doubt about it.

On the other hand, a bit of shyness seems to help actually. Girls make more of an effort to get to know me once I try my best to talk to them several times, even though it requires a deep breath and a shaky smile.

Several girls have labelled me as "cute" because I'm very shy sometimes, but they really appreciate it when I make the effort to talk to them, because it means more to them than when the loudmouth arrogant idiot guy approaches them.

You'd be surprised at what a little bit of effort can add up to. My current crush I think I'm making real progress with, just through saying hi to her every time I get a chance, talking casually with her friends and so on.

If you don't know already, learn how to make your initial "entrance" to a quick conversation seem confident. I find standing upright, trying really hard to make eye contact and smiling really gives a good impression.

I've always had trouble holding eye contact because of my shyness, but the times I've managed it have been nothing short of magical.

EDIT -

I should also add, I find something really hot about shy girls. My current desire is a very shy girl. It's really sweet how she makes the effort to return the chat sometimes. Her eye gazes mean a lot too. I think some girls get that too with guys

 

[firebird85]

I don't have any social life unfortanetly, just like alot of guys out there. You obviously aren't suffering as bad as me or any other guys like this because most guys I know like this we can't even relate to girls our age because if we ever tried to befriend them or be social they think we are creeps. When you're in a situation like that it's almost game over.

 

[Equinox]

I don't have any social life unfortanetly, just like alot of guys out there. You obviously aren't suffering as bad as me or any other guys like this because most guys I know like this we can't even relate to girls our age because if we ever tried to befriend them or be social they think we are creeps. When you're in a situation like that it's almost game over.

And a lot of girls. Just so you know.

Besides, the symptoms you're describing here sounds like severe social anxiety, and I will again sincerely recomment that you see a therapist. If only once, to hear a professional's opinion. Worst case scenario: He'll tell you that you're right, and that it all is women's fault, and then you'll know. Best case scenario: He'll tell you exactly where your issues lie, and how to fix them, so that you one day will be able to talk to girls. Wouldn't that be a better outcome than wallowing in self pity online?

 

[JamaisVu]

Evolution and sexual selection have helped our population reach into the billions. Lots of people (men and women) want to find a mate. Not everyone succeeds. Life is not kind, but it's very fair in its blindness. Females as a whole are not conspiring to keep you from copulating with them. So quit worrying about womankind, and just work on being an interesting young man.

Polygamy used to be more common in various cultures, and maybe the world still works like that to an extent albeit not in a legal sense: the capable and successful guys get most of the women. In the days before sexual equality, which was better for a woman: take up with an alpha male who can easily take care of her and the resulting children, or take up with an average guy and suffer a harder life? The prudent choice was to go with the alpha male, even if it meant sharing him and his resources with competing females. That alpha male would prefer the prettiest youngest women. The pretty, young, powerful alpha females had plenty of dating options. The "10s" have always been happy, but not all of us are 10s.

Women do have more freedom these days. Women can take care of themselves and their children on their own, a man is no longer a necessity for survival. There's no longer such a stigma against being an unmarried but sexually active woman. Women are less pressured by society to settle down, and thanks to birth control we don't have to choose between celibacy or a lifelong commitment. We're not obligated to take the first guy who comes along or risk ending up a spinster at 30, we can afford to be picky.

In those YouTube videos, I'm hearing whiny unpopular guys who won't settle for older or less-attractive women and who criticize women for having a lot of sexual partners. Instead these guys expect the women to settle for them, they get pissed off when they're turned down, and yet they want to have their choice of attractive sexual partners! That just isn't going to happen. If you want the attention of someone hot, you've got to be special -- and this applies to both genders.

Women don't want to settle for "just anyone", men don't want to settle for "just anyone". When the men and women who are overall less desirable refuse to date one another, there's going to be a lot of loneliness and sexual frustration.

Spend less time obsessing over this issue and more time just talking to girls and you'll get much farther, you're only 20. You've got plenty of time.

 

[firebird85]

I don't have any social life unfortanetly, just like alot of guys out there.

And a lot of girls. Just so you know.

even if they don't they always have that extra advantage over men

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Geeezzz the fucken whizzz.

SHE whom HOLd the PUSSY makes
the rules????

He that pleases the pussy gets the prize?

or were ganna dance around it?

---

Right, wrong or in differnce....
guilt or no guilt.

Until you get into the actons of putting yourself out there. You.re not gonna get anywhere..
Its still ganna be a numbers game or sorting process.

Different poeple have different motives
for dating. Some just wanna have fun..
booty calls flings...etc..etc
Others as a bridge into a more serious relationship.
Women have their reason of rejecting certain men ..As men have thier reason for rejecting certain women.

 

[firebird85]

I've found that if a guy has something like social anxiety or any kind of shyness issues or hard to open up they will usually ignore or stay away from guys like that.

It can also work in your favour. If you're really, really shy (as in, can't approach someone you don't even want romantically) it makes things tough. No doubt about it.

Well that's what I'm going through, and it isn't my fault.

 

[blackhole]

this is sad.

i'm not going to bash you.

you are clearly suffering.

not necessarily because you 'are' persecuted.

but because you have decided to live the life of a persecuted person.

there are a lot of messed up women out there.

BUT

there is a whole bunch of messed up things going on in society,

not just shallow women.

live your life.

but you need to learn to let this anger go.

there will come a point, where your anger will be the 'reason' you can't meet a lovely lady,

instead of it being a reaction.

follow?

find love in your life. and love will come to you.

love cats, dogs, babies, charities, plain 'ol good people.

you are choosing a path of negativity.

 

[Ak5]

I don't think that life is as complex as you put it.

How many times have you been rejected?

Absolutely everyone gets rejected; there is no escape from that.

If you were in your 40s, been rejected for dozens and dozens of times, maybe I'll believe you.

I mean, your 20 and obviously lonely, making the goal of reaching out into females harder, how many times have you been rejected? Really!?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, that was a long and angry rant that is unfortunately not based on reality. Young women have certain advantages, as do men; this is neither always an advantage nor as total as you seem to perceive it to be.

Its probably true that women have a much easier time getting into a random hookup/sex than men do, but women in my experience generally don't value that.

I do think it is unfortunate that men lack a blueprint for mating that traditional societies once presented, where rules were a lot more clear. But that really shouldn't be seen as a condemnation of women.

And if you think that attraction is a set and finite thing, then you did not understand PUA very well at all.

 

[Limlim]

Suppose everything you said were true, what would be the solution to the problem? Is the increased awareness helping or will it help?

 

[Code S.O.L]

TL;DR doesn't even come close to describing this rant, but strangely enough, I can relate to it. At your age, I also signed on with a dating site. I had predictable results, and my desperation had actually blinded me to a nigerian money scam at one point. I know this frustration quite well, Firebird. Being surrounded by happy couples as far as the eye can see when you've never even so much as been flirted with. I know of the unusual and bitter thoughts such a situation spawns.

So trust me when I say that it'll get better in a few years.

Assuming a girl doesn't crash into your life by the time you get to my age(25), you'll start to give less of a honeysuckle about relationships as you will have become settled with your life as a single by then.

Besides, the bullshit I've seen in relationships from my fly-on-the-wall viewpoint isn't worth all the effort we need to go to imo.