Some Questions for everyone who's used (or is currently using) online dating Services
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
firebird85
Well-known member
I've written profiles that could be considered novels, and got no messages from girls. I've written strong, original messages that were ignored. All I got was tons of views, by mostly good looking girls who were celebrity types, which leads me to believe that either not having a car or being unemployed led it to happening. Get this though, most of the girls looking at me were 19, 20, 21, and after reading their profiles it seems they were in the same situation as I was! But girls want something they are not, which is ridiculous. Once I got a 4 star rating from a really hot girl, but after I sent a message thanking her, I never got a response, so I figured it was a cruel joke. After a month or 2 of getting nothing but views, and sending out some messages only to be ignored, I deleted the profile. Tried plentyoffish, and was the same story. I made a fake profile of a woman (both a fat one and thin one), both of them were getting 20-30 messages per day from guys. That's another issue altogether, the gender ratios are lopsided (9,000 men, 1,000 women) so obviously the men are gonna lose out.
I have been on OKcupid again for a bit, but it still sucks. The funny thing is, even if a girl was interested or talked to me, I would be stereotyped out and judged unfairly into oblivion. "you don't have a car, you don't have much money, you have no friends and still live at home" all ridiculous honeysuckle that has nothing to do with what a real relationship is. Maybe I can't make some friends because besides me attempting to make some friends, there are *no* people to make friends with in the first place! ever thought of that?
Girls always complain that men like the thin girls more then the chubby ones (which is a total myth to begin with).....well here's the female version
How can you be unemployed, have no money or car and expect the guy to have all those when you don't have them yourself. That tells me alot about your character. You should be ashamed.
I have been on OKcupid again for a bit, but it still sucks. The funny thing is, even if a girl was interested or talked to me, I would be stereotyped out and judged unfairly into oblivion. "you don't have a car, you don't have much money, you have no friends and still live at home" all ridiculous honeysuckle that has nothing to do with what a real relationship is. Maybe I can't make some friends because besides me attempting to make some friends, there are *no* people to make friends with in the first place! ever thought of that?
Girls always complain that men like the thin girls more then the chubby ones (which is a total myth to begin with).....well here's the female version
How can you be unemployed, have no money or car and expect the guy to have all those when you don't have them yourself. That tells me alot about your character. You should be ashamed.
firebird85 said:
Completely agree with the sentiment, have been in a similar situation regarding online dating profiles. I don't understand why people just wouldn't reply (besides being busy of course, that I can understand). I would much prefer a brief, negative response stating lack of interest compared to no response. It is the least I would do anyway out of courtesy. I refuse to send long initial messages anymore. They probably won't be read and not given a reply. My time and effort is better spent elsewhere.
firebird85 said:
...and that is why I too have given up on plentyoffish. What is the point in expressing interest in someone if you literally can't compete with the hundreds of others? The probability of even having a positive interaction with someone is very small, unless you're a girl anyway (and even then I'm sure it isn't the type of communication they would like to receive, knowing plentyoffish).
firebird85 said:
Expectation, it seems, kills active relationships as well as potential ones without discrimination. I think people set their standards way too high for online relationships (this is especially true on craigslist). For instance, I see lots of female profiles expecting to find males who are at least in their 30s, never married, in the peak of their careers with stable job/car/house etc. While these are generally good traits, they are unknowingly limiting themselves to only a certain percentage of males within the bell curve who fit that criteria. Also, males in that category tend to be taken up pretty quickly from what I've seen in society.
There are lots of guys who may fit all of their other potential qualities but will not be considered for different reasons: Still in school/college (no career yet), too short (most males are in the 5'8" (172 cm) to 5'10" region (177 cm), regardless of what the Bachelorette claims [all the guys are > 6 feet tall!), too young, too old, etc.
firebird85
Well-known member
Well that's how women create their singledom.
WishingWell
Well-known member
I joined on-line dating sites because I am stuck in the middle of no where and it is impossible to meet anyone when the only times I go out I am with my Sister, Brother or Mother! I was on the sites for almost 2 years. I dated a total of 19 different men--1 for 3 dates, another for 3 dates and 1 for 6 dates. The first expected me to pay for everything! The second turned out to be a big beer drinker, and the third I really started to like. I approached him on the 6th date, because I was wondering why he never "made a move on me" and he said "BECAUSE I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" I was really upset, because I liked him a lot. I would say that 1/3 of the others wanted sex on the first date so I ruled them out, and the rest were just not my type or I wasn't their type. I had fun on a lot of the dates, though.
I stopped doing it. I just was getting tired getting no where fast!
I stopped doing it. I just was getting tired getting no where fast!
firebird85
Well-known member
Well Torsatron, since the dating scene is totally stacked against men these days, of course online dating is going to be even worse. I'm a pretty tall guy, and it hasn't helped me at all, so don't feel bad about being short. I already explained my situation to everyone on this forum in past threads. So now I'm starting to entertain the idea that I am simply ugly. When a girl on the internet tells you you are good looking, it's a lie. You are "good looking" but not good enough to date and get to know, according to them. I've been back on POF for a week or 2 now, and haven't gotten any hits. 2 women viewed me, and I messaged 2, got no replies back and no unsolicited messages. I wish I knew what the problem was. A little off-topic but I always see people calling the TFL guys whiners who don't do anything to improve themselves. That seems to be one of the big ? people have when one of these TFL people explain their situation. "you aren't doing anything, you just sit around whining". What if an incel guy DOES do stuff to improve his situation? What if you put in effort and still have no success? Is it still them that has a problem? or women?
Maybe the fact that I have never even had female friendships in my short life and I've been ignored by them, is some kind of signal that I am going to be alone forever. Hell, when it comes to both sexes, I haven't had friends for 7 years now, eventually it will be a decade. I just wish girls would tell me why I'm not good enough. I wish I could talk to some face to face and ask them why do I have to be so miserable. But then people here are gonna say to accept it and move on, I won't do that. I just wish I knew why, and what I did to deserve this, maybe something in a past life.
I'm not in college just yet cause I don't have the time and it's tough for me to find permanent employment, but rational human beings like us would question why we need to have a job and a college education just to be friends with a female, and get to know someone, and see where it goes. HTF could women think like that? How is that even human?
How could you refuse to be friends with someone and get to know someone unless they have a job? Am I the only person on the planet who finds that a little insane?
Maybe the fact that I have never even had female friendships in my short life and I've been ignored by them, is some kind of signal that I am going to be alone forever. Hell, when it comes to both sexes, I haven't had friends for 7 years now, eventually it will be a decade. I just wish girls would tell me why I'm not good enough. I wish I could talk to some face to face and ask them why do I have to be so miserable. But then people here are gonna say to accept it and move on, I won't do that. I just wish I knew why, and what I did to deserve this, maybe something in a past life.
I'm not in college just yet cause I don't have the time and it's tough for me to find permanent employment, but rational human beings like us would question why we need to have a job and a college education just to be friends with a female, and get to know someone, and see where it goes. HTF could women think like that? How is that even human?
How could you refuse to be friends with someone and get to know someone unless they have a job? Am I the only person on the planet who finds that a little insane?
WishingWell
Well-known member
Firebird, how would you like to be out of work because of a disability--a mental health issue? One of the first questions asked, I agree, is what do you do for work. I have to tell them, and when they ask why I am disabled, I play it by ear. I either tell them the truth which make a lot of men run right away, or say I will discuss it if we end up going out, but it is not something people will notice. (Because it isn't, I have been stable for about 4 years now.) So the odds are against me. I really don't know the odds are totally against men, because I am not looking for a woman! I don't lie to men on dating sites. What's the point? If I am not interested I say so, and if I am interested I will try to keep the conversation going. And, if I don't find a man attractive I will never say that he is good looking.
POF is not a good site. If you would like to try one that, in my opinion, is better, try Singlesnet--but I had to join the Site for 3 months and then when I got some results, I joined for another 3 months. You don't have the options to communicate when you are not a member than when you are. And, if you say that it is too expensive to join, then how are you going to afford dating? Also, I always put in my profile that I want to meet someone that lives close to me. That doesn't stop people from contacting me from all over the place, but then I always write back and tell them that I stated that in my profile, and have too many email friends already.
I, also, am I different type of woman though, in that I don't mind paying for some dates though or splitting the tab, but I think the first date should be paid for by the person that asks, which in some cases, I did the asking.
Don't give up! You are so young. If you haven't seen it in my posts, I am 54.
POF is not a good site. If you would like to try one that, in my opinion, is better, try Singlesnet--but I had to join the Site for 3 months and then when I got some results, I joined for another 3 months. You don't have the options to communicate when you are not a member than when you are. And, if you say that it is too expensive to join, then how are you going to afford dating? Also, I always put in my profile that I want to meet someone that lives close to me. That doesn't stop people from contacting me from all over the place, but then I always write back and tell them that I stated that in my profile, and have too many email friends already.
I, also, am I different type of woman though, in that I don't mind paying for some dates though or splitting the tab, but I think the first date should be paid for by the person that asks, which in some cases, I did the asking.
Don't give up! You are so young. If you haven't seen it in my posts, I am 54.
Nolife Princess
Well-known member
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HAHA I don't even know, but I tried to sign up to one of those sites just to see the outcome, and guess what..... after sitting there for 30 min answering question after question, my final result was this:ExtensivexLDL said:
Sorry, we have no matches for you at this time!!!
GASP! I was rejected!
lol
I signed up to OkCupid because that's about the only way I can meet women. If I think about it, days could pass between the times I'd talk to a girl. Not because of shyness or bitterness or anything like that, there simply aren't any girls where I am. Except on the subway, but who wants to be the guy that talks on the subway?
I've heard online dating is hard and stacked up against men, and that real life should be more equal, but for me it's completely the opposite. Real Life feels like an untapped resource, right under my nose. :-/
I've heard online dating is hard and stacked up against men, and that real life should be more equal, but for me it's completely the opposite. Real Life feels like an untapped resource, right under my nose. :-/
firebird85
Well-known member
It doesn't matter if I am young or not. I don't exist to women apparently. Not online or in the real world. I have plenty of proof for that. Like I said, never had any girlfriend or any type of dating or relationship experience, not even female friends. Next time you hear some girl say "I can't find a boyfriend, I never had a boyfriend", remember "that firebird guy on the internet". They say that, and then I'm over here wondering if I'll ever get a girl to like me and be my friend in real life before I die.
F
flaneur
Guest
firebird85 said:
I think you're jumping to conclusions here. Besides, the women who are worth a **** don't care much about the size of your wallet or house, and the superficial ones who do are obviously not worth chasing.
FreedomFromLiberty
Well-known member
The reason I signed up for online dating services is because I am naturally shy, and figured it would take the anxiety out of approaching women in person. The reason I closed all my accounts on these dating sites is because I had spent over a year browsing and messaging profiles with only a handful of first dates to show for it.
If you're a guy, don't bother with them. You're pretty much guaranteed to be ignored simply because of the guy to girl ratio on these sites. Don't believe me? Use the search functionality of one of these sites sometime and you'll see that there are 3 to 5 times as many guys as there are girls. Now if you do the math, you'll quickly understand just how much attention the girls will get and how little the guys will get.
According to this article, there's a coming crisis of lonely men in China, and even those guy to girl ratios aren't as out of whack as the online ones.
http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/lifestyle/01/11/10/24-million-chinese-men-face-lonely-future-state-media
If you're a guy, don't bother with them. You're pretty much guaranteed to be ignored simply because of the guy to girl ratio on these sites. Don't believe me? Use the search functionality of one of these sites sometime and you'll see that there are 3 to 5 times as many guys as there are girls. Now if you do the math, you'll quickly understand just how much attention the girls will get and how little the guys will get.
According to this article, there's a coming crisis of lonely men in China, and even those guy to girl ratios aren't as out of whack as the online ones.
http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/lifestyle/01/11/10/24-million-chinese-men-face-lonely-future-state-media
firebird85
Well-known member
flaneur said:
and what if the entire gender is superficial?
F
flaneur
Guest
firebird85 said:
It's too easy to generalize and be done with it, but I can tell you from personal experience that it isn't true.
I've tried the dating websites. Since I waited until I was 35 to try to start dating, I'm not too good at it.
I had 1 relationship from them but it turns out it was a fake relationship. I thought we were dating for 2 years but it turns out she thought we were just good friends that would watch some tv once a month and that was it. But sitting in the same room as someone else to me was happiness so I felt it was something that it wasn't.
I used dating websites because I can't talk to females in real life unless they talk to me first and they don't talk to me because they expect guys to make the first move. Plus I figured dating websites would be where single women would go when they were looking for a date. I have found that dating websites are a collection of married women and also women that have no interest in dating but just want to be able to say they are "trying" to find a date by pointing to their personal profile.
I find that I am the man married women wish they had dated but the man single women don't want to date. I don't understand how the dating thing works. I can't find the instruction manual. Women who are single are always too busy to date.
I had 1 relationship from them but it turns out it was a fake relationship. I thought we were dating for 2 years but it turns out she thought we were just good friends that would watch some tv once a month and that was it. But sitting in the same room as someone else to me was happiness so I felt it was something that it wasn't.
I used dating websites because I can't talk to females in real life unless they talk to me first and they don't talk to me because they expect guys to make the first move. Plus I figured dating websites would be where single women would go when they were looking for a date. I have found that dating websites are a collection of married women and also women that have no interest in dating but just want to be able to say they are "trying" to find a date by pointing to their personal profile.
I find that I am the man married women wish they had dated but the man single women don't want to date. I don't understand how the dating thing works. I can't find the instruction manual. Women who are single are always too busy to date.
firebird85
Well-known member
flaneur said:
I have yet to see otherwise. These females on the internet (suppos-ed females) will tell you that you are good looking, but on the dating site AND in real life, they will ignore you, and shun you, just like it's always has been. That is the reality I live, and it's not fun. It hurts, it's unbearable sometimes. I have to ignore certain aspects of life, in order to dodge the sorrow I feel when I see something I never had in life. Socializing with a living, breathing, female, my age.
Case
Well-known member
This needs a bump, I think.
I joined several sites over the years and not a single one of them were worth my time. I joined them because I could easily shop for the so-called "perfect match" from the comfort of my living room.
I realized that the concept was okay, but the real-world applications are lacking. I recently dated several woman with high compatibility scores and I didn't feel any connection or real attraction to them. C'est la vie.
I joined several sites over the years and not a single one of them were worth my time. I joined them because I could easily shop for the so-called "perfect match" from the comfort of my living room.
I realized that the concept was okay, but the real-world applications are lacking. I recently dated several woman with high compatibility scores and I didn't feel any connection or real attraction to them. C'est la vie.
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