Some Questions for everyone who's used (or is currently using) online dating Services

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

When I first signed up for them, I was 23, and I was fearing that I would never be able to go on a date. I faced nothing but rejection, and probably should have jumped on the real life experiences that were being thrown at me, instead of worrying about online stuff.

Then I became incredibly socially isolated, and I signed up for a free online dating site. By that time, I was so nervous, that I would either stop responding to the girls who showed me interest or did respond to my messages, or I would be so intimidated that I wouldn't respond to their hellos.

Now, it's gotten to the point where I am socially isolated, and not only am I not getting any real life attention from girls, but I'm also not getting any online attention on the free dating site I am on. Which is kind of good, because I am not ready right now to start dating...I have no place to bring her after a date, and I need to get financially stable and get my own place before I start dating.

At the rate I am going, I will be 40 before I go on my first date. Argh!

 

[hye345]

I've tried several online dating sites, some paid, some free. Ironically enough, I've had the most success from a free site, OkCupid. I did use Match.com for a couple months, but in the past year, 9 out of 10 dates (literally) came from OkCupid. In addition, Match.com doesn't let you see who is a paid subscriber, and thus able to actually respond to messages.

With online dating (and this is especially true if you haven't really dated in general), it is important to cast a wide net, at least in the beginning. Not saying that you gotta send the same prepackaged message to all the women in you zip code, but at the same time, be open-minded and somewhat aggressive with asking girls out, even if you are sure that they aren't "the one". This will do two things: one, it will give you valuable dating experience, and it allow you to see (though real-life experience) what you would want in a long-term girlfriend.

 

[Gutted]

I've done it once. I just wanted to network really. Also I've seen so many adverts for dating sites. I wanted to check one out for myself. So I tried a free one. Was alright. There were a lot of not-so-great people on there. Wasn't any wonder why they were single.

 

[nerdygirl]

I like dating sites because using them gives you the ability to do a pre-screening. While it's true that anybody can pretend to be anybody online, that's equally true in person. Luckily for me, most people wouldn't and couldn't pretend to be the type of fella I'd find ideal.

The thing is, when you meet somebody in person, any initial attraction is about looks. Some people will get this idea that they really like somebody they don't know a thing about, which ultimately means they dig how they look. I put a much higher value on a man's interests and personality, which is much easier to learn about by reading a profile and exchanging a few messages than it is by meeting in the produce section and watching a movie together.

 

[smarty24]

What made you sign up for them (or it)? Was it because you were (or are) starting to fear you were/are never gonna meet anyone otherwise? Was it because it matches with your preference of meeting people anonymously without the pressure that an initial face-to-face interaction may cause or because it was/is 'popular'? Or are you/were you simply trying to combine BOTH aspects/possibilities of meeting someone so as to improve your chances- both via the real world and virtually...?

Lets share.

well for start read *link removed* guide, it is pretty nice answered on many of your questions.

Also my persona thoughts are that you don't want to fail in 'trap' called over-analyzing male/female relationships, because of that way your chances for success are lower and lower... Just keep things in everything AND IN RELATIONSHIPS with opposite sex SIMPLE. That is something in science called Ocamm's Razor, and according to my experience (and I had a lot of experience with various females) that is same principle you need to use in meeting opposite sex people generally no matter is it online or offline.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What made you sign up for them (or it)? Was it because you were (or are) starting to fear you were/are never gonna meet anyone otherwise? Was it because it matches with your preference of meeting people anonymously without the pressure that an initial face-to-face interaction may cause or because it was/is 'popular'? Or are you/were you simply trying to combine BOTH aspects/possibilities of meeting someone so as to improve your chances- both via the real world and virtually...?

Lets share.

well for start read *link removed* guide, it is pretty nice answered on many of your questions.

Also my persona thoughts are that you don't want to fail in 'trap' called over-analyzing male/female relationships, because of that way your chances for success are lower and lower... Just keep things in everything AND IN RELATIONSHIPS with opposite sex SIMPLE. That is something in science called Ocamm's Razor, and according to my experience (and I had a lot of experience with various females) that is same principle you need to use in meeting opposite sex people generally no matter is it online or offline.

Is this Pickup? Really? :club:

 

[Waffle]

I signed up for some because I felt it was wise to have more chances of meeting someone so in addition to trying to meet someone in person, there is also a chance someone interesting might be lurking online.

In a way, the dating sites let you get to know a person a little before you think of contacting them so you can see how many things in common you have, are they religious, do they smoke etc. Some of those things might be a deal breaker that you don't want to find out on your second date. For me personally, that would be a waste of my time as well as my date's time.

As for any advice, write as much as you can about yourself and if there is no success or you feel you aren't good looking enough get a friend to help with image (I don't know.. a change of hairstyle or what to dress yourself in for that first impression). Even asking on forums for a profile review helps sometimes as I have seen threads on some where users would link a profile and others would try help them with what they could possibly change or add.

 

[Bones]

I signed up for some and made a couple of great friends in the process in the 90s and early 00s.

Over the years, we lost contact but it was great going to the Ukraine, Canada, and several other places in the US.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I have lots of friends in the UK. Didn't meet them through dating sites, though.

Shame I'm broke, I'd love to fly there.

 

[amoraniva]

I tried online dating mostly because I felt the whole bar/club scene wasn't panning out for me as most guys I met in those places wanted a hook up and not anything lasting. Additionally, being on the shy side, I felt more comfortable talking with someone online initially rather than awkwardly forcing a conversation with a random stranger in real life. There are down sides, obviously, like not knowing what the other person really looks like/sounds like/acts like.

 

[Mike510]

I signed up because I am new to this area and I don't go to bars or clubs so it is a lot harder to meet single women my age.

I have to say after signing up it kind of proved to me that I wont find what I am looking for. Pretty much every womens profile they have a huge list of demands for a boyfriend, must have a college degree, must have a nice car, must have a job, the job should not be a pleebian job like retail, must have your own place, he must cook, he needs to let me go to bars and flirt with other guys, ect. Honestly I really doubt many of the girls at least the 18-24 year olds are even that interestead in meeting someone from online. Seems like half are in a relationship looking for something secretive they don't have to tell there bf/husbnds about or there so demanding no one can possibly fill every single expectation they have.

I messaged a girl on there last week she told me she graduated from Princeton and she would only date a Doctor or a Lawyer who makes more than 6 figures and owns his own house. Got me thinking how many single doctors or lawyers are there really in this area? I don't see the point in shutting yourself off to 99.98% of the population.

 

[Obscurity]

I don't have a lot of ways to meet people, and I figure it's better than going to events or groups I don't even care about in the hopes of meeting someone. I'm somewhat asocial and I doubt I'd meet anyone at a chess club.

 

[ucxb]

I'm new to the area I live in now and have only thought about doing such because my therapist mentioned it... which was a bit of a shock... I had used an online dating service in the past, like 11 years ago, I recall it felt like more work than fun because of the peoples ulterior motives.

 

[ucxb]

Today I was informed of a dating app that locates other single people in your area !

 

[the_ice_man]

I joined 3 sites. Plenty Of Fish is the largest, and its free! Lots of women to choose from, but you have to be careful. Match was by far the best but has subscription fees. I found the women on there to be well educated and lots of fun. The third one was Our Time. That's for us old folk over 50! Didn't have too much luck with that one. To be honest, if you look presentable and give some thought into writing your profile, you shouldn't have too many problems meeting nice people on these sites. Gone are the days when people thought you were a loser if you were an internet dater. Of course there's so much more to just meeting someone to have a relationship with. There can be health issues plus the emotional baggage you bring to the relationship. Just two of the hurdles to overcome. Most of the women I met had grown up kids, and that's a huge issue all by itself right there! Don't be discouraged though. I met some lovely ladies, and I'm seeing one right now!

 

[LonelySutton]

So here is my big issue on those sites... guys, what is with your photos? I mean so often, and I am not sure why, you look like serial killers that just rolled out of bed with a grumpy expression. I swear I can't even get to your profile because there is something about the photo that sets me off.

And I admit, it could be *my* issue... but I think it is that most guys don't seem to feel the need to try in a photo. Perhaps like it is macho or somesuch to be disheveled or have a neutral look. But to me it just makes me "weary" of you. I just feel like the best thing you can do is get a photo where you look relatively cleaned up and you smile... just a little and look like you are a little happy.

And this is why I need a backwards dating site... where I look at someone by the profile and message board type talking and THEN they send a photo -- which, if I like you as a person, won't bother me at all no matter what- unless your a girl.

As for the long list of demands... I guess I don't know anyone who does that. Other than really pretty women who know they can get it. Cast the net wider.

 

[Wanderer145]

I think dating sites are a complete waste of time...For women its them getting bombarded by emails from tonnes of guys, for guys its message after message with nothing back. I disabled my OKcupid account because well months of completely nothing I burnt myself out a couple months back sending messages and just kept it there. Now I've had enough of it, complete time sink. I know I've taken a step back but not putting myself out there more but its a ******* waste of time. Even with a picture just showing you look good, taking time to seem interesting...nobody really gives a honeysuckle on there.

So its gonna be another 6 months before I might just MIGHT try again on a different site...

 

[Peaches]

I messaged a girl on there last week she told me she graduated from Princeton and she would only date a Doctor or a Lawyer who makes more than 6 figures and owns his own house.

eeeww, what kind of dating site is that?

PlentyofJerksintheSea?

 

[stork_error]

I just feel like the best thing you can do is get a photo where you look relatively cleaned up and you smile... just a little and look like you are a little happy.

When i was young, we used to say cheeze before a picture to give the impression of "I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE AND HAVING FUN". Now days woman make duck lips, turn to thier side profile, and try to look like they are seducing the camera out of the corner of thier shifty eyes. Its like they are trying to give the impression of "I AM SO HOT, HOW HOT AM I ?

And men with THE TOPLESS SELFIES IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR that say " LOOK AT MY ABS, I AM SO HOT"….ewww!!!…. thinks….Ok fine you got nice abs, but seriously is that the best place you could find to take a picture?

No thankyou he man !!! Next

Just put on a nice dress shirt or sweater, fix your hair, look clean and say cheeze. Its that simple not to reak of miserable, distrustful, arrogant and self obsessed.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think dating sites are a complete waste of time...For women its them getting bombarded by emails from tonnes of guys, for guys its message after message with nothing back. I disabled my OKcupid account because well months of completely nothing I burnt myself out a couple months back sending messages and just kept it there. Now I've had enough of it, complete time sink. I know I've taken a step back but not putting myself out there more but its a ******* waste of time. Even with a picture just showing you look good, taking time to seem interesting...nobody really gives a honeysuckle on there.

So its gonna be another 6 months before I might just MIGHT try again on a different site...

I agree, online dating is shite. The average man will get no replies, he has no chance. And I imagine the problem for women could be getting bombarded with messages from players or nutters. It's a big waste of money and great for all the sites who are raking it in.