The Date....

[Regumika]

Hospitalized as in possibly get hit with a blunt object such as my dropping the nut on the bridge of the nose or several right hooks to the cranium....

The 20 year old daughter isn't 100% sure who the father is- apparently there's been kicking down of front doors, fights at the house, lots of tension in general- yeah, I'd think that qualifies as drama....

As far as the son in jail, a junkie who's deals to support his habit. Also has a lot of B&E charges against him ans steals from family and friends and his mother (as in my 'date') refuses to accept phone calls or visits from him- pretty sure that's playing into drama as well....

I know it comes across as being judgmental of her life but when contemplating how mine and hers could possibly intermesh it was pretty disconcerting....forgot to mention the mountain of empty beer cases and liquor bottles I spotted on the rear deck, looks like there's a whole lotta partying going on there....


Keep in mind I learned all this in THREE hours- I can't imagine what I would've learned in four, five, six....get the picture Reg?

Soooooo, am I still emphasizing the wrong things?????

Well, now that you've actually said what those things are, perhaps not.

With the information given in the original post, it wasn't enough to justify them as drama without the details you just gave.

Why did you mention the hospital? Why does your friend being in the hospital have anything to do with the recommendation? You made it sound like if your friend wasn't in the hospital the date would have somehow gone better.

The vibe I'm getting at is that if you were in her shoes, that you had adult children with or without a working relationship with your partner at the time, and your children decides to be a druggy and get into bad things it obviously means you're a bad person (minus the alcohol). I'm so glad that you would count something like that against someone. If your mom is a handicap then I don't want anything to do with you. If your brother is in jail, I don't want anything to do with you. If your sister has kids with multiple father, I don't want anything to do with you. Sounds silly, right?

Oh, but you could always just argue "that's why I don't/won't have kids." Sounds like your value is dictated by your family's choices.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Well, now that you've actually said what those things are, perhaps not.

With the information given in the original post, it wasn't enough to justify them as drama without the details you just gave.

Why did you mention the hospital? Why does your friend being in the hospital have anything to do with the recommendation? You made it sound like if your friend wasn't in the hospital the date would have somehow gone better.

The vibe I'm getting at is that if you were in her shoes, that you had adult children with or without a working relationship with your partner at the time, and your children decides to be a druggy and get into bad things it obviously means you're a bad person (minus the alcohol). I'm so glad that you would count something like that against someone. If your mom is a handicap then I don't want anything to do with you. If your brother is in jail, I don't want anything to do with you. If your sister has kids with multiple father, I don't want anything to do with you. Sounds silly, right?

Oh, but you could always just argue "that's why I don't/won't have kids." Sounds like your value is dictated by your family's choices.

What the hell are you talking about Reg? I think you've missed the big picture- this is a a person who misrepresented who she is to me. When someone tells you they're a non-smoker, active, not much of a drinker, and has a calm, quiet life but you meet a chain-smoking couch potato who's house looks/smells like a seedy bar and the people in her life make bad life choices on a daily basis it tends to make a person wonder....not exactly the person I'm interested in sharing my life with and definitely not an environment I'd want to expose Kid to.

"I'm so glad that you would count something like that against someone. If your mom is a handicap then I don't want anything to do with you. If your brother is in jail, I don't want anything to do with you. If your sister has kids with multiple father, I don't want anything to do with you. Sounds silly, right?" That's gotta be one of the most idiotic things I've read- where do you come up with that?

If you wanna give it a go I'd be happy to pass your contact info to her, you sound like you're pretty easygoing and don't have much in the way of hang ups. You can hang around the house taking care of the baby while the daughter is out partying it up....go bail the son out when he's caught dealing or doing B&E's....clean up the house after a big party, maybe rehang the front door when it gets kicked in and patch the holes in the walls....sounds great, doesn't it???

 

[Peaches]

So a friend tells me he knows of a lady that I'd be interested in.

Ummmmm, yeah, not quite what I was expecting.....

-a non-smoker who smokes- trying to figure that one out????
-an avid outdoor enthusiast- who's huffing and puffing walking up her staircase????
-single- but just wrote her boyfriend a 'Dear John' letter???? She asked if I wanted to read it....wow, simply wow! And most of her guy friends allegedly want to f... her.
-no drama- but her 20 year old daughter with a 4 month old is in the process of moving home....
-three kids- all different fathers. And the oldest boy in jail....
-and I got asked if I was interested in spending the night during the 3rd excruciating hour.
-I'm thinking about calling Jerry Springer.

fresia do I know how to pick them. The 'friend' that set us up may possibly get hospitalized tomorrow....I seriously think I'm traumatized by this one.

Single looks better n' better.

sounds like a catch

jokes aside, where does the information about her come from? Herself or the common friend? Maybe that's where the wired got cross, because you clearly went out with a different person.

Please don't give up because of some promiscuous smoker, have faith, and maybe never listen to your friend again, I understand that you are upset with him, and I understand the point of not wanting clearly unbalanced people in one's life, especially if one has kids. I don't quite understand why you sound SO upset for a bad date, but maybe I misread and you are not that upset. Was he a really good friend? Now THAT would be disappointing, rather than the relatively mild pain of some hours with the short-breathed barfly, poor soul.

Maybe another time for a first date better to keep it really short in a coffee shop or something? Freaky people show themselves for what they are pretty fast. And the best is always the fake phone call: (to the phone) oh, the heater exploded? Really? Water everywhere? (to your date) forgive me, I MUST go


PS I was once asked out by a guy, 42 years old, who had 4 offsprings from different wives/girlfriends, guess my answer?

 

[WildernessWildChild]

So a friend tells me he knows of a lady that I'd be interested in.

Ummmmm, yeah, not quite what I was expecting.....

-a non-smoker who smokes- trying to figure that one out????
-an avid outdoor enthusiast- who's huffing and puffing walking up her staircase????
-single- but just wrote her boyfriend a 'Dear John' letter???? She asked if I wanted to read it....wow, simply wow! And most of her guy friends allegedly want to f... her.
-no drama- but her 20 year old daughter with a 4 month old is in the process of moving home....
-three kids- all different fathers. And the oldest boy in jail....
-and I got asked if I was interested in spending the night during the 3rd excruciating hour.
-I'm thinking about calling Jerry Springer.

fresia do I know how to pick them. The 'friend' that set us up may possibly get hospitalized tomorrow....I seriously think I'm traumatized by this one.

Single looks better n' better.

sounds like a catch

jokes aside, where does the information about her come from? Herself or the common friend? Maybe that's where the wired got cross, because you clearly went out with a different person.

Please don't give up because of some promiscuous smoker, have faith, and maybe never listen to your friend again, I understand that you are upset with him, and I understand the point of not wanting clearly unbalanced people in one's life, especially if one has kids. I don't quite understand why you sound SO upset for a bad date, but maybe that's the internet medium and you are not that upset.

Maybe another time for a first date better to keep it really short in a coffee shop or something? And the best is always the fake phone call: (to the phone) oh, the heater exploded? Really? Water everywhere? (to your date) forgive me, I MUST go


PS I was once asked out by a guy, 42 years old, who had 4 offsprings from different wives/girlfriends, guess my answer?

Let me guess, you jumped all over the 42 year old multi-partner/offspring individual and lived happily ever after?

I'm really not upset at all, I'm actually quite amused by what happened....possibly even mystified as well by the 'friend' setting us up. He's yet to return my call for some obscure reason....

All of the information about her came from a few hours of observation and the verbal diarrhea she's been blessed with....as she rambled on about her life I was kind of unimpressed by the constant texting she had to do, I've never experienced that, it was kind of unsettling- maybe rudes another word for it.

I'm in no way discouraged from dating by this bizarre experience Peaches, it's definitely re-emphasized what I'm not looking for (lol).

 

[Peaches]

Let me guess, you jumped all over the 42 year old multi-partner/offspring individual and lived happily ever after?

Errrrrr, nNOOOOoooo

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Let me guess, you jumped all over the 42 year old multi-partner/offspring individual and lived happily ever after?

Errrrrr, nNOOOOoooo

Gosh, you passed on a powerhouse of virility like that- what were you thinking?

 

[Peaches]

Let me guess, you jumped all over the 42 year old multi-partner/offspring individual and lived happily ever after?

Errrrrr, nNOOOOoooo

Gosh, you passed on a powerhouse of virility like that- what were you thinking?

yeah, we could have made a commune together with his exes, or at least a kindergarden, fun

 

[nerdygirl]

First, I want to say that I wouldn't go out with her, either. It does sound like too much drama. However, I think that for folks like Regumika and I, your wording also makes you sound judgmental.

A daughter moving back home with her baby isn't drama. Neither is the baby's unestablished paternity (bringing that up just adds to how judgmental you sound). It's a horse of another color when you say the mother's door was kicked in and there have been fights in her house. As for the son in jail, it seems unfair to judge her for that when she refuses to communicate with him because of the way he lives his life. Hopefully, you understand where I'm coming from when I say that.

Oh, and to (hopefully) clear up a misunderstanding:
Regumika, I think WildernessWildChild was saying he wanted to injure his friend and send him into the hospital for arranging the date.

 

[Regumika]

Oh, and to (hopefully) clear up a misunderstanding:
Regumika, I think WildernessWildChild was saying he wanted to injure his friend and send him into the hospital for arranging the date.

Ohhh, is that what it is? I missed the joke then.

 

[ShybutHi]

Yes, perhaps one to stay clear of.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

First, I want to say that I wouldn't go out with her, either. It does sound like too much drama. However, I think that for folks like Regumika and I, your wording also makes you sound judgmental.

A daughter moving back home with her baby isn't drama. Neither is the baby's unestablished paternity (bringing that up just adds to how judgmental you sound). It's a horse of another color when you say the mother's door was kicked in and there have been fights in her house. As for the son in jail, it seems unfair to judge her for that when she refuses to communicate with him because of the way he lives his life. Hopefully, you understand where I'm coming from when I say that.

Oh, and to (hopefully) clear up a misunderstanding:
Regumika, I think WildernessWildChild was saying he wanted to injure his friend and send him into the hospital for arranging the date.

A young single girl who doesn't know her child's paternity, wants to party all the time, is moving into a pigsty that shows signs of being party central, has no income, lives on welfare, and refuses to be responsible isn't a bit dramatic to you nerdy? Seriously? I think I do have some right to judge btw- while this young lady is lazing around and partying as she pleases I'm at work busting my ass and contributing a large part of my income to social agencies that allow her that luxury! I'd love to be at home with my daughter and doing as I please but it simply isn't an option. And don't attempt to take that as me bashing single parents, I know several and I respect them a great deal (gosh, theres that JUDGEMENT thing you question)- they're making the effort to support their children (meaning a job) and parenting them (meaning partying is NOT a priority).

Judging by the smell of dope in the house and what looked like roaches in an ashtray I think it would be safe to guess that the son was influenced by his mothers activity to some extent. Yes, he made his own choices but if something like that is an acceptable practice at home its going to heavily influence your decisions. A habit like that at an early age....think its safe to assume he might go to questionable measures to feed it. I do think she bears some of the responsibility to some extent and shes taking the easy way out- not impressive.

And the 'friend' is avoiding my calls....wimp.

 

[nerdygirl]

You originally described the girl as a, "20 year old daughter with a 4 month old is in the process of moving home."

I think it's kind of horrible if you don't see the difference between that and

A young single girl who doesn't know her child's paternity, wants to party all the time, is moving into a pigsty that shows signs of being party central, has no income, lives on welfare, and refuses to be responsible

I'm not sorry for saying you sounded judgmental. You did. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only single mom on this forum who had to move home again at some point. It's also pretty offensive to belittle a woman who was dating more than one man when she conceived. Neither of those sound dramatic to me. Seriously.

 

[SofiasMami]

I'm not certain why members are taking WWC's dating choices personally. Perhaps substitute "drama" for "she wasn't my type". I'm a single mom too but I totally get being cautious about who to bring into one's life, especially since I'm the parent of a young child. You only get one chance to do it right when raising a kid, I say better safe than sorry!

-Teresa

 

[WildernessWildChild]

You originally described the girl as a, "20 year old daughter with a 4 month old is in the process of moving home."

I think it's kind of horrible if you don't see the difference between that and

A young single girl who doesn't know her child's paternity, wants to party all the time, is moving into a pigsty that shows signs of being party central, has no income, lives on welfare, and refuses to be responsible

I'm not sorry for saying you sounded judgmental. You did. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only single mom on this forum who had to move home again at some point. It's also pretty offensive to belittle a woman who was dating more than one man when she conceived. Neither of those sound dramatic to me. Seriously.

I TOTALLY OWN the part where I come across as judgmental! She made the DECISION to play that game and became pregnant. My tax $ (and uncountable others) are now paying for her choice of a few moments pleasure over common sense (meaning safe sex). If you refuse to see the drama part that's been made very clear I can only question YOUR sense of judgement. Let's see- no clarity as the paternal side of things, going out partying ahead of your infant, moving into a place that's all about partying- THINK NERDY, THINK!!!! I have no issue with moving home, I do have an issue with moving into that type of home

And to reiterate what I've previously said- I know single parents who are VERY RESPONSIBLE. They put their children ahead of partying and good times- I've got nothing but respect for these people.

What's most sad is there's a completely innocent and helpless infant who's very existence is affected by his mothers irresponsible whims- THATS where the real tragedy is.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I could argue for both sides in this, and quite honestly, there have been a few times I've wanted to say something for both sides but instead I decided to keep my mouth shut. Maybe it's because I knew there must have been a good reason for WWC to say what he did in his first post, maybe it's because I just wanted to stay out of it for once (hey, it's possible).
But, here's the thing....drama is dependent on who and the person is and what their beliefs are (not talking religion here). One person's drama isn't going to be dramatic at all for another person.

For example, a single mother moving home with a baby could very well be dramatic for some people, even without extenuating circumstances about paternity, partying, irresponsibility, etc...
Is it wrong for a single mother to move back in with their parent? No, not at all. Is it going to cause drama? Yes, it most likely will.

Now, that being said, I did have to move back in with my parents as a single mother for a short time.

 

[nerdygirl]

I TOTALLY OWN the part where I come across as judgmental! She made the DECISION to play that game and became pregnant. My tax $ (and uncountable others) are now paying for her choice of a few moments pleasure over common sense (meaning safe sex). If you refuse to see the drama part that's been made very clear I can only question YOUR sense of judgement. Let's see- no clarity as the paternal side of things, going out partying ahead of your infant, moving into a place that's all about partying- THINK NERDY, THINK!!!! I have no issue with moving home, I do have an issue with moving into that type of home

I very specifically stated that I was referring to your original comments. Don't forget- the only person who knows the rest of the story is you. So what we got was a list of reasons you think your friend did a horrible thing by introducing you. So horrible, you joked about putting him into the hospital.

What was so horrible about this woman? (Keep in mind that we know absolutely nothing about her.) Well, he said she had no drama, but it turns out that her 20 year old daughter was moving back home with a baby! When I said that didn't seem so very dramatic, you explained that she didn't know who the father was. Are these things great? No... but don't you think it's a bit much to make the woman sound like a horrible person for letting her daughter move back home? Especially so terrible that gee, you should beat the heck out of your friend for the introduction?

If you take a moment to follow your own advice and think, you'll realize that you're being defensive about something that I'm not even addressing.

---

I could argue for both sides in this, and quite honestly, there have been a few times I've wanted to say something for both sides but instead I decided to keep my mouth shut. Maybe it's because I knew there must have been a good reason for WWC to say what he did in his first post, maybe it's because I just wanted to stay out of it for once (hey, it's possible).
But, here's the thing....drama is dependent on who and the person is and what their beliefs are (not talking religion here). One person's drama isn't going to be dramatic at all for another person.

For example, a single mother moving home with a baby could very well be dramatic for some people, even without extenuating circumstances about paternity, partying, irresponsibility, etc...
Is it wrong for a single mother to move back in with their parent? No, not at all. Is it going to cause drama? Yes, it most likely will.

Now, that being said, I did have to move back in with my parents as a single mother for a short time.

I'm actually okay with somebody deciding they're uncomfortable with dating a woman whose daughter is moving back home. The thing you have to keep in mind is that this was listed as part of the reasons he said he was thinking of calling Jerry Springer and hospitalizing his friend. It's a bit much. It really is.

 

[Badjedidude]

GUYS

guys

GUYS LISTEN

Here's

guys

GUYS

Here's a bebe woofie glomping another bebe woofie's nose!

 

[TheRealCallie]

GUYS

guys

GUYS LISTEN

Here's

guys

GUYS

Here's a bebe woofie glomping another bebe woofie's nose!

I WANT THEM!!!! GIVE THEM TO ME NOW!!!!!!!!!! (goo)

 

[WildernessWildChild]

GUYS

guys

GUYS LISTEN

Here's

guys

GUYS

Here's a bebe woofie glomping another bebe woofie's nose!

That is pretty **** cute- thanks for the chuckle....

 

[RockerChick]

I've had my share of bad dates, enough that I bet I could write a memoir of a single woman. So I'd like to think I can understand where you are coming from, but you are seriously being super judgmental about the situation. I'm with NerdyGirl on this one. You guys are not a good match. Not unusual. She was misleading. Again, not unusual. There is nothing unusual about this situation, considering its a blind date. But you are making her look like a horrible person when in reality, even you do not know who she is or what her life consists of.