Tired of waiting

[Revengineer]

So I'm 24 year-old guy and have never dated anyone. Never kissed a girl either. A combination of bad luck and unassertiveness I suppose. It sucks. On top of that I'm currently a grad student and finding a girlfriend is pretty much on the bottom of my priorities even though it's constantly on my mind. To add insult I'm constantly being surrounded by attractive and bubbly undergrads on campus, and I have to remind myself that it would probably be creepy if I were actually to pursue them...

Valentine's day just passed and it's flipping cold here in upstate New York. It doesn't help that I'm extremely introverted, and as a result I spend more time by myself than I would like to admit. I wish I had someone to share life with. People say love comes when you're not looking for it and I agree with the concept. I've come to terms with the fact that I have deeply-embedded personality flaws that are holding me back in all aspects of life (passiveness and lack of ambition being the worst of them), and that I should work on fixing that first before thinking of romance. But that's the problem, it's hard to force myself to look away and improve myself when the reality of being perpetually single is always there.

There really isn't much of a point to this post. I wish I had the strength to be content with being single but I can't simply deny what I want. Sigh. I wonder how people do it...

 

[perfanoff]

Are you a TA? Man just being a TA opens so many possibilities.. I used to have a turnaround of like 75 people a semester so it was just a matter of time to get to kiss somebody

Love comes when you're not looking at it - but you need to be open to the idea

 

[Gondwanaland]

It's not bad luck, like you said. If you've been alone for 24 years, it's because that person hasn't appeared yet. Nevertheless, that day will come...sooner, later one way or another. I've always believed that love comes in unexpected ways.

and finding a girlfriend is pretty much on the bottom of my priorities even though it's constantly on my mind

According to the previous quote, seems like you're more concerned about your studies, which is good, in my opinion. Once you get your diploma and a job, you'll meet a lot of women, so don't stress about it. It's just a matter of time...

 

[Lilianna]

Welcome!

 

[Revengineer]

It's not bad luck, like you said. If you've been alone for 24 years, it's because that person hasn't appeared yet. Nevertheless, that day will come...sooner, later one way or another. I've always believed that love comes in unexpected ways.

and finding a girlfriend is pretty much on the bottom of my priorities even though it's constantly on my mind

According to the previous quote, seems like you're more concerned about your studies, which is good, in my opinion. Once you get your diploma and a job, you'll meet a lot of women, so don't stress about it. It's just a matter of time...

But I want it nowwwwwwwwwwww *pouty face*

Truthfully, I did meet that person several years ago. She was beautiful, funny, intelligent and compassionate... everything I'd ever hoped for in a companion. Unfortunately I dropped the ball, kept things in limbo for more than a year because neither of us knew how to take the next step. She gave up on me after waiting way too long and chose to be with a mutual friend. They're still together to this day and will probably get married in a few years. :/

The worst thing is that she admitted some time later that she was totally attracted to me and wished I'd asked her out, but just got too frustrated with the whole charade. I don't begrudge their happiness, and if it weren't for me they probably wouldn't have ended up together. You'd think 5 years would be enough time to get over it, but it's hard to let go of the bitterness when you invested so much emotionally only to be passed over for someone else. Makes you feel kind of unworthy of affection.

 

[Gondwanaland]

But I want it nowwwwwwwwwwww *pouty face*

Truthfully, I did meet that person several years ago. She was beautiful, funny, intelligent and compassionate... everything I'd ever hoped for in a companion. Unfortunately I dropped the ball, kept things in limbo for more than a year because neither of us knew how to take the next step. She gave up on me after waiting way too long and chose to be with a mutual friend. They're still together to this day and will probably get married in a few years. :/

The worst thing is that she admitted some time later that she was totally attracted to me and wished I'd asked her out, but just got too frustrated with the whole charade. I don't begrudge their happiness, and if it weren't for me they probably wouldn't have ended up together. You'd think 5 years would be enough time to get over it, but it's hard to let go of the bitterness when you invested so much emotionally only to be passed over for someone else. Makes you feel kind of unworthy of affection.

I've always believed that things happen for a reason. If you're not with her at the moment, it's because you weren't meant to be (or at least, not for now, maybe in the future).
If she's the one for you, she'll come back to you or destiny itself will make it happen.

She's with someone else now. I wish I knew why she decided to be his GF, if she loved you instead...(well, I have no understanding of human behavior. I'm totally stupid in that aspect). Don't blame yourself, because it wasn't for you that they're together now. It was their choice and you didn't force them to do so.

 

[farawayfille]

But I want it nowwwwwwwwwwww *pouty face*

hahahaha

I personally don't believe in destiny. So if a relationship doesn't work out, I either ask myself if it's not too late to fix it or it is. If it's hopeless, then I try to know what went wrong and change myself for the better so that I could move on to the next one and make that work!


by the way, why would it be creepy if you go for an undergrad? I would have been flattered if it were me. You're not that much older!

 

[Revengineer]

I've always believed that things happen for a reason. If you're not with her at the moment, it's because you weren't meant to be (or at least, not for now, maybe in the future).
If she's the one for you, she'll come back to you or destiny itself will make it happen.

She's with someone else now. I wish I knew why she decided to be his GF, if she loved you instead...(well, I have no understanding of human behavior. I'm totally stupid in that aspect). Don't blame yourself, because it wasn't for you that they're together now. It was their choice and you didn't force them to do so.

For the record, he knew I'd been crushing on her for a long time and started talking to her to "make me jealous" so I'd be forced make a move. Once he figured out that she'd grown tired of waiting on me to ask her out, he moved in himself. Kudos to him, he accomplished what he set out to do. As for now I have no delusions of the two of us ever getting together. Their personalities go together perfectly like fried chicken and biscuits. For years they've been calling each other cutesy names like Puppy and Kitty. *gags* Better to stay far far away lol.

by the way, why would it be creepy if you go for an undergrad? I would have been flattered if it were me. You're not that much older!

I dunno, I just feel old and different around undergrads. At our university undergrads and grads mainly operate in their own circles and don't get much of a chance to, say, "cross-pollinate." I find many grad students in my program are like me, too busy and preoccupied with the future to consider dating anyone in the present. While the undergrads are happy and carefree and preoccupied about what liquor to bring to the next party. /generalizations

My point is, grads and undergrads often have different lifestyles and priorities. so I'm cautious about that sort of thing. Or maybe I'm just too picky, who knows.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I dunno, I just feel old and different around undergrads. At our university undergrads and grads mainly operate in their own circles and don't get much of a chance to, say, "cross-pollinate." I find many grad students in my program are like me, too busy and preoccupied with the future to consider dating anyone in the present. While the undergrads are happy and carefree and preoccupied about what liquor to bring to the next party. /generalizations

My point is, grads and undergrads often have different lifestyles and priorities. so I'm cautious about that sort of thing. Or maybe I'm just too picky, who knows.

I'm sure not all undergrads are like this though as you mentioned, it's a generalisation. Just be yourself and let it flow. If an undergrad has captured your attention, no harm in being friends right? Plus, you were saying you believe in the fact that love comes when you least expect it, so it's always good to just broaden your social circle and make lots of friends. Who knows who will be the lucky girl to have that connection with you? I don't think this is creepy at all either. And creepy or not, you don't live life based on other people's standards and expectations. So you decide whether it's creepy or not, who cares what other people think. (Though easier for me to say this than actually do it, it's what I honestly feel.)

 

[Misanthrope23]

So I'm 24 year-old guy and have never dated anyone. Never kissed a girl either. A combination of bad luck and unassertiveness I suppose. It sucks. On top of that I'm currently a grad student and finding a girlfriend is pretty much on the bottom of my priorities even though it's constantly on my mind. To add insult I'm constantly being surrounded by attractive and bubbly undergrads on campus, and I have to remind myself that it would probably be creepy if I were actually to pursue them...

Valentine's day just passed and it's flipping cold here in upstate New York. It doesn't help that I'm extremely introverted, and as a result I spend more time by myself than I would like to admit. I wish I had someone to share life with. People say love comes when you're not looking for it and I agree with the concept. I've come to terms with the fact that I have deeply-embedded personality flaws that are holding me back in all aspects of life (passiveness and lack of ambition being the worst of them), and that I should work on fixing that first before thinking of romance. But that's the problem, it's hard to force myself to look away and improve myself when the reality of being perpetually single is always there.

There really isn't much of a point to this post. I wish I had the strength to be content with being single but I can't simply deny what I want. Sigh. I wonder how people do it...

how is pursuing undergrads creepy? you're only 2-3 years older than most of them.

---

I've always believed that things happen for a reason. If you're not with her at the moment, it's because you weren't meant to be (or at least, not for now, maybe in the future).
If she's the one for you, she'll come back to you or destiny itself will make it happen.

She's with someone else now. I wish I knew why she decided to be his GF, if she loved you instead...(well, I have no understanding of human behavior. I'm totally stupid in that aspect). Don't blame yourself, because it wasn't for you that they're together now. It was their choice and you didn't force them to do so.

For the record, he knew I'd been crushing on her for a long time and started talking to her to "make me jealous" so I'd be forced make a move. Once he figured out that she'd grown tired of waiting on me to ask her out, he moved in himself. Kudos to him, he accomplished what he set out to do. As for now I have no delusions of the two of us ever getting together. Their personalities go together perfectly like fried chicken and biscuits. For years they've been calling each other cutesy names like Puppy and Kitty. *gags* Better to stay far far away lol.

by the way, why would it be creepy if you go for an undergrad? I would have been flattered if it were me. You're not that much older!

I dunno, I just feel old and different around undergrads. At our university undergrads and grads mainly operate in their own circles and don't get much of a chance to, say, "cross-pollinate." I find many grad students in my program are like me, too busy and preoccupied with the future to consider dating anyone in the present. While the undergrads are happy and carefree and preoccupied about what liquor to bring to the next party. /generalizations

My point is, grads and undergrads often have different lifestyles and priorities. so I'm cautious about that sort of thing. Or maybe I'm just too picky, who knows.

yeah i think you're too picky and generalize. i can't stand people like you who generalize about undergrads and grads and how they're so "different." it's like the whole world always has to have to disagree with my opinions. ugh i can't stand it.

 

[ladyforsaken]

yeah i think you're too picky and generalize. i can't stand people like you who generalize about undergrads and grads and how they're so "different." it's like the whole world always has to have to disagree with my opinions. ugh i can't stand it.

Relax Misanthrope. A lot of people stereotype things and people around them, that's life really. It is frustrating, but chill, dude.

 

[Susana]

Don't rush into finding someone just to be in a relationship. It's not all it's made out to be at times!

 

[blackdot]

I've always believed that things happen for a reason. If you're not with her at the moment, it's because you weren't meant to be (or at least, not for now, maybe in the future).

or it's because life sucks.

If she's the one for you, she'll come back to you or destiny itself will make it happen.

or she will end up dead leaving you wishing there was such a thing as destiny.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

The worst thing is that she admitted some time later that she was totally attracted to me and wished I'd asked her out, but just got too frustrated with the whole charade.

See my latest post in "Questions For The Men." Why is it your, and only your, responsibility to do the asking?

If both of you have feelings, but she's mad at you, for not doing the same thing she didn't do either? No, sorry.

You should keep waiting. If anyone drops by, and looks beautiful and interested, tell them flatly.

"I'm waiting."

"What are you waiting for?"

"I'm waiting for a girl who isn't so chicken-honeysuckle that they are afraid to ask me out."

She'll either realize she can't and walk away, or step up. And if she can't in this day and age of feminism, she's not worth your time because she wants it both ways.

 

[perfanoff]

Meant to be? By who? By God?

 

[Gondwanaland]

I dunno, I just feel old and different around undergrads. At our university undergrads and grads mainly operate in their own circles and don't get much of a chance to, say, "cross-pollinate." I find many grad students in my program are like me, too busy and preoccupied with the future to consider dating anyone in the present. While the undergrads are happy and carefree and preoccupied about what liquor to bring to the next party. /generalizations

My point is, grads and undergrads often have different lifestyles and priorities. so I'm cautious about that sort of thing. Or maybe I'm just too picky, who knows.

I'm sure not all undergrads are like this though as you mentioned, it's a generalisation. Just be yourself and let it flow. If an undergrad has captured your attention, no harm in being friends right? Plus, you were saying you believe in the fact that love comes when you least expect it, so it's always good to just broaden your social circle and make lots of friends. Who knows who will be the lucky girl to have that connection with you? I don't think this is creepy at all either. And creepy or not, you don't live life based on other people's standards and expectations. So you decide whether it's creepy or not, who cares what other people think. (Though easier for me to say this than actually do it, it's what I honestly feel.)

I totally agree with LadyForsaken. She said it all...

 

[Revengineer]

I dunno, I just feel old and different around undergrads. At our university undergrads and grads mainly operate in their own circles and don't get much of a chance to, say, "cross-pollinate." I find many grad students in my program are like me, too busy and preoccupied with the future to consider dating anyone in the present. While the undergrads are happy and carefree and preoccupied about what liquor to bring to the next party. /generalizations

My point is, grads and undergrads often have different lifestyles and priorities. so I'm cautious about that sort of thing. Or maybe I'm just too picky, who knows.

I'm sure not all undergrads are like this though as you mentioned, it's a generalisation. Just be yourself and let it flow. If an undergrad has captured your attention, no harm in being friends right? Plus, you were saying you believe in the fact that love comes when you least expect it, so it's always good to just broaden your social circle and make lots of friends. Who knows who will be the lucky girl to have that connection with you? I don't think this is creepy at all either. And creepy or not, you don't live life based on other people's standards and expectations. So you decide whether it's creepy or not, who cares what other people think. (Though easier for me to say this than actually do it, it's what I honestly feel.)

Yeah I admit my portrayal of undergrads was a pretty big exaggeration and didn't even make much sense in retrospect. I'm sure 95% are sane and well-adjusted people who wouldn't mind dating a grad student in the least. It's just that idiotic things have a tendency to spew out of my mouth.

I've always placed too much weight on what other people might think which has really paralyzed a lot of efforts at improving myself. Hence my irrational fear of being labeled as a creepy guy who hangs around girls that are too young for him. Thanks for pointing out that it's not so much of a big deal as I make it out to be. Perhaps what I really need is to get out and get more involved with people...

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yeah I admit my portrayal of undergrads was a pretty big exaggeration and didn't even make much sense in retrospect. I'm sure 95% are sane and well-adjusted people who wouldn't mind dating a grad student in the least. It's just that idiotic things have a tendency to spew out of my mouth.

I've always placed too much weight on what other people might think which has really paralyzed a lot of efforts at improving myself. Hence my irrational fear of being labeled as a creepy guy who hangs around girls that are too young for him. Thanks for pointing out that it's not so much of a big deal as I make it out to be. Perhaps what I really need is to get out and get more involved with people...

Well, sometimes we just have to shut our ears to what others say to us because in reality, it really doesn't matter what they think or say about us because they're not living in our lives. So you do what you feel is best and right for you, because you know better and not everyone is the same really so we can't compare and think that our experiences will be the same as what others have experienced. Different people, different situations and different experiences really.

Yeah, nothing wrong with getting more involved with other people and making more friends! It's a good thing really. I wish you all the best.