ardour said:
But those aren't our circumstances - our situations aren't equivalent, because we haven't given a 'chance to fail'. We don't get off the starting blocks. This is our " life experience", such as it is.
Who is 'we'? I don't understand what you're even talking about at this point.
Let me try to make it clearer what I was saying earlier. I don't really believe in 'beauty' or 'ugliness' anymore, but I do understand what people mean by it. I also understand how we view it as a culture and a society.
I've been called ugly before, both physically and personality-wise, and I've also been told I'm average or even good looking before. It really doesn't matter to me at all.
Personally, you know what? I don't care at all what other people think about me. People give me a chance because I get them to do so, not because of the way I look to them, how ugly or good looking I am. I simply cause them to be interested, if I want them to be, that is.
I mean, heck, I used to actually have a ton of girls who liked me. I had one who pretty much would have done anything for me (Anything.), and let me tell you... She was hot, too. I'm not trying to brag, though. But to prove a point.
Why did they like me? Certainly was not my looks. I faked being a confident guy and I told them everything they ever wanted to hear. That's why they liked me. Guys were just as easy to convince as girls were, of course. I was so good at faking the confidence thing that I was actually quite a jerk sometimes. Needless to say I am not like that anymore.
Just a bit of a jerk for other reasons, I guess.
Anyway, I'm not saying that no one gets a bum rap. It is life after all. But some of you really take it way too far. I know for a fact that there are people out there who are physically not 'beautiful' at all, they have major physical deformations, but are really great people who just don't let stuff get them down, because they've been through a lot and they just don't want to let stuff keep them from enjoying life. And you know what? They usually find someone, despite what might seem as crazy odds. IF they don't let things get them down. IF they are great people who overcome those odds themselves. IF they have confidence despite those odds. That's what makes it or breaks it for everyone. Looks don't even play a part in it.
How is it possible that some people here, with no real physical problems at all, can't find a partner, but other people with qualities that would almost objectively be considered 'ugly' can do so? Confidence.
It's all about confidence and putting yourself out there. That's all there is to it. Nothing more.
How do you get confidence? Eh, that's a lot harder to explain.
Basically you just need to stop giving a **** about all the stupid and trivial stuff in life, and to get out of whatever slump you're in.
Stop worrying about the way you look. Stop worrying about saying something stupid. Stop worrying about getting a rejection.
Stop worrying about facing humiliation. Stop worrying, period.
- Go out of your way to try new things. Even if it sounds crazy to you, just do it.
Obviously don't do something actually dangerous (sky diving? Fine. Jumping a ravine? Not okay), or something that is going to undoubtedly get you fired, but pretty much anything else. Just do it, and don't look back.
- See a cute girl/guy at the coffee shop (or wherever) you go to every day? Are they alone? You know what? Start a chat with them. Ask for their number, too. If you can't do that, you aren't taking my advice. Get rejected or their boyfriend/girlfriend comes along? That's okay! It happens all the time. At least you met someone new. That's great! Just get over it and try, try again.
- And if no one interesting comes in the coffee shop you go to? Start going somewhere new.
- Don't even go anywhere? No problem. START... NOW.
- Don't know what to say? Ask about them. What do they do. What do they like.
Don't worry if it feels strange. Don't worry if it is awkward. That's normal, that's okay.
- Oh, and hey, don't smile much? You better learn. You can start that now, too.
Worry is the opposite of confidence. The more you worry.... Well, I'm sure you all already know how that story ends.
Sorry if this isn't what you all want to hear. I'm not really into the whole lip-service thing. And I can't promise that the above advice will make anyone 'happy', nor find you "the one". But it will definitely, undoubtedly, help you to meet new people, build relationships, and gain confidence. If you're struggling with these things now... I'd highly suggest you take my advice.
Yes, I am indeed in very different circumstances than some of you. I think that goes without saying. That is probably why I can give this kind of advice confidently, knowing that it works and that it works well.
I'm one of those weird guys who can easily be a people-person and get their way with almost anyone. My problem is not that I can't do these things, my problem is that I don't want to anymore.
So if you're wondering why someone like me is giving advice like that, no need to worry. I have more than enough confidence to share. Feel free to take some. I have zero self-esteem issues.
