What does 'good looking' mean ?

[Xpendable]

Some people just settle. Getting the only significant other they could get.

 

[ardour]

No we don't, and that is not what my rant was about. We are a lot more different than you think we are, please don not liken me to you.

So you’ve been told you’re good looking but you’re still alone, hence any complaints about being too ugly must be crap. But everyone’s been told that at some point by a friend or relative. Nobody's made the argument that looks are a guarantee anyway.

It is a load of crap, I know and have seen plenty of these "lesser attractive" people who have a significant other to prove it is nothing but crap.

There are a tonne of explanations.

There are those who are perhaps not attractive, yet have non-offensive faces that allow other qualities to shine through.

There are cultures where women are still pretty much forced to settle by a certain age.

People so broken they’ll look for validation from anyone.

Then there’s genuine companionship without concern for appearances.

None of it disproves attractiveness as a major factor in the ability to find a relationship.

 

[Xpendable]

Postulate A:

"Most people do this."

Postulate B:

"I've seen some people not doing this, so it can't be a mayority who does it."

 

[Sci-Fi]

No we don't, and that is not what my rant was about. We are a lot more different than you think we are, please don not liken me to you.

So you’ve been told you’re good looking but you’re still alone, hence any complaints about being too ugly must be crap. But everyone’s been told that at some point by a friend or relative. Nobody's made the argument that looks are a guarantee anyway.

It still makes that excuse crap. You still do not understand what I said. You are misinterpreting it. I'm saying the whole "I'm too ugly so no one wants me" is just a steaming pile of crap. There are no reasons or explanations behind it. It is a lousy excuse which can't be defended. It's what people want to use so they can whine and complain and blame others.

I'm done though, I'm not going to continue on about it, I've made my opinion. You all want to make excuses for how your looks or perceived "ugliness" turns you off from a prospective mate go right on and keep living that way.

My looks have nothing to do with why I don't have a girlfriend btw. Thanks for pointing out that I'm still alone, how observant of you. Almost forgot this is a loneliness forum.

 

[ardour]

Thanks for pointing out that I'm still alone, how observant of you. Almost forgot this is a loneliness forum.

Not as though you just spent half a paragraph talking about it. Excuse me...

 

[BeyondShy]

Not as though you just spent half a paragraph talking about it. Excuse me...

Keep whining. You're doing a great job.

 

[ardour]

Who is 'we'? I don't understand what you're even talking about at this point.

In this thread, Triple Bogey and I. From a wider perspective, anyone with no relationship experience who express similar sentiments.

Personally, you know what? I don't care at all what other people think about me. People give me a chance because I get them to do so, not because of the way I look to them, how ugly or good looking I am. I simply cause them to be interested, if I want them to be, that is.

That sounds like something similar to Game. I don't want to game people - neither men nor women - because it means they're interested in you only for as long as you're keeping them entertained. It's not a good basis for friendships or relationships of any sort.

I mean, heck, I used to actually have a ton of girls who liked me. I had one who pretty much would have done anything for me (Anything.), and let me tell you... She was hot, too. I'm not trying to brag, though. But to prove a point.
Why did they like me? Certainly was not my looks. I faked being a confident guy and I told them everything they ever wanted to hear. That's why they liked me. Guys were just as easy to convince as girls were, of course. I was so good at faking the confidence thing that I was actually quite a jerk sometimes. Needless to say I am not like that anymore. Just a bit of a jerk for other reasons, I guess.

Been outspoken and opinionated before, up to the point of arrogance at times. Unlike you, instead of warming to me, women seemed to HATE me that much more.

The ‘act like you don’t care’ advice applies best to those with other factors in their favour (for eg. some innate charisma, a face that defaults to a smile if not good looks). In most situations, the best I can do is fade into the background by acting like I want and expect nothing. That’s the only way to be acceptable it seems. If there’s even a hint that I might really want to talk to them women nearby go to DEFCON 1 alert.

With those who don’t recoil the interactions can be so one-sided it becomes exhausting and ultimately depressing. There are people out there who are receptive to conversation from a stranger or new acquaintance, true, but more often than not it's up to the ‘lesser’ being to carry it. I have neither the resilience nor the energy to continue with things that way, knowing it will fall apart the moment I 'fail'. I'd rather stick to people who can be bothered asking how I am occasionally. That's quite a rare thing for others to do, take an active role in conversation, that is, to ask questions and push it along.

No, call me a whining sack of honeysuckle if you like, our life experiences are obviously very different (but thanks for taking the time to respond).

 

[VanillaCreme]

No, call me a whining sack of honeysuckle if you like, our life experiences are obviously very different (but thanks for taking the time to respond).

Different or not, anything could always happen. Either you don't realize or don't care how negative you come across.

 

[9006]

What's happened in here? A war has broken out after the first 20 posts or so... I think it's kinda brought out some peoples 'ugliness' in personality, nevermind looks.

 

[Xpendable]

Maybe is just me, but I've notest that 90% of couples are symmetrically attractive. Meaning none of the two is much more attractive than the other.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Maybe is just me, but I've notest that 90% of couples are symmetrically attractive. Meaning none of the two is much more attractive than the other.

In my observations, it's actually about 50%. I see more and more couples you'd feel are "oddly matched" because of their physical looks. I think it's great.

 

[Despicable Me]

That sounds like something similar to Game. I don't want to game people - neither men nor women - because it means they're interested in you only for as long as you're keeping them entertained. It's not a good basis for friendships or relationships of any sort.

I'm not talking about 'gaming' anyone. I'm talking about demonstrating to them a reason why you are unique, why you are interesting, why they need you... Why you are you. I'm not saying you should be "entertaining" anyone. You should simply just be yourself, but by that I don't mean someone who sits at home, or sits in a corner of the room and doesn't speak, or someone who doesn't know how to speak when they have something to say. You have to be the kind of 'you' that embraces their own personality, who they truly are, and basically doesn't give a **** if someone else doesn't like that.

And maybe it is what you say it is, but if that is so I can only honestly conclude that you're simply just too lazy or uncaring to do it. I would rather not think that of anyone here but if you're telling me you don't want to have to put effort into forming a relationship then what else am I to think? Relationships DO require some effort. And if that effort isn't something you want to do then you shouldn't expect to get any relationships in return.
This isn't a magical fairy tale we live in. A beautiful girl isn't going to one day drop by your house out of nowhere and then fall in love with you. That's not reality. That's not real life, no matter how often it occurs in movies and TV shows.

The reality is that you have to put yourself out there, the real 'you', not just some phony, not just some 'game', and you have to understand that that might mean facing rejection... many, many times.

Been outspoken and opinionated before, up to the point of arrogance at times. Unlike you, instead of warming to me, women seemed to HATE me that much more.

I can see why. "Outspoken and opinionated"? You were probably doing it wrong.
The confidence, and even the arrogance if you do that, needs to be perceived, not forced. Speaking out or being opinionated about 'important issues' is not what people want to hear.
What they want is a smile, holding yourself high, and generally showing no fear or worry. It's mostly body language, but being able to simply say "Hello" and start an interesting conversation about practically nothing, with a smile of confidence, is also a big part of it.
It does take practice - and you will still get rejected. Some women may hate you, sure. That doesn't really matter though. As long as you are being yourself - but confidently, then you are doing nothing wrong. You simply just didn't meet the right people.

The ‘act like you don’t care’ advice applies best to those with other factors in their favour (for eg. some innate charisma, a face that defaults to a smile if not good looks). In most situations, the best I can do is fade into the background by acting like I want and expect nothing. That’s the only way to be acceptable it seems. If there’s even a hint that I might really want to talk to them women nearby go to DEFCON 1 alert.

That sounds like you're making up excuses to me, to be honest.
Fading into the background is the exact opposite of what I suggested. And who cares what some women might think of you? Even if you turn away 99% of all women, there's still an entire 1% left. Are you going to tell me that isn't enough for you? You only need just one, right?
Look at the positive, not the negative.

And no, my advice isn't for someone with "innate charisma". I sure never had that. I still don't have that now.
But can I intrigue others? Yes.
Can I get them interested in knowing more about me? Yes.
Could I find a woman (assuming I wasn't currently married) to share some time with? Yes.
Am I a 'good looking' guy to most women? No, not really.
Does it bother me some people might think I am ugly? Not at all.
Can I also make myself appear more attractive to them? Absolutely.

I'm telling you, it's not about looks. It's not about special abilities you were born with. It's not about having a 'naturally good smile'. It's not about tricking women or playing mind-games with people. It's about being you, but being a more confident you. A more interesting you. Someone who doesn't let life or trivial upsets get him down. Someone who is always looking up. Someone who carries themselves as if they have the mental strength to carry every burden in the world with a smile and with ease. These may not be qualities of 'you' right now, but they are qualities of who you want to be, I'm sure. And that's what matters. Being who you want to be, rather than the person afraid to be themselves.

It's about playing your specific part in this great play we've been given as if you were a true master at it. You don't need to be anyone but you, but you do need to have that confidence and that trust in yourself to be the best you that you can possibly be.
And that means taking chances to do what you want to do without the fears and the worries holding you back. To say what you want to say, because you believe in it. But still show empathy, concern, and emotion. Someone dulled to the world of emotions is just as easily avoided as someone who slinks themselves into the background, thinking that it is best.

With those who don’t recoil the interactions can be so one-sided it becomes exhausting and ultimately depressing. There are people out there who are receptive to conversation from a stranger or new acquaintance, true, but more often than not it's up to the ‘lesser’ being to carry it. I have neither the resilience nor the energy to continue with things that way, knowing it will fall apart the moment I 'fail'. I'd rather stick to people who can be bothered asking how I am occasionally. That's quite a rare thing for others to do, take an active role in conversation, that is, to ask questions and push it along.

Pretty much everything I'm saying can resolve all of the problems above, and have for me in the past.
Everything but your lack of confidence, your lack of enthusiasm, your lack of desire and energy to continue. That is all you, I'm afraid. Believing that failure is ultimate, or inevitable, or however you mean to say it, is also the root of that problem, I think. Resolve that issue and you'll find your confidence. Know that failure is only a part of learning how to do it right next time.

No, call me a whining sack of honeysuckle if you like, our life experiences are obviously very different (but thanks for taking the time to respond).

Ha, I used to be the 'whiniest' person ever. Oh, woe is me. How in the world am I ever going to solve 'X' this time?
And sure, I've been through a whole lot of crap in my life, but that isn't really an excuse.

Just don't worry about it. Your problems are just as important as anyone else's here. That's why I'm trying to help.
Though I will admit I don't know you well, so maybe my advice isn't very attuned for you, personally. I can't do that without getting to know you better. So if you need more help, just PM me and we'll chat.

 

[Aisha]

Someone else has already said the bit about it being dependent on the eye of the beholder. Good looking to you would mean someone you think is physically appealing, someone who is physically attractive to you. Looks are physical characteristics/appearance and nothing else. Dictionaries are a thing. Why is this a debate? If you were talking about attraction/attractiveness that would encompass everything else as well.

 

[Despicable Me]

Dictionaries are a thing. Why is this a debate?

Because dictionaries are not Life's Handbook and don't explain anything but a word's meaning.

 

[Aisha]

Dictionaries are a thing. Why is this a debate?

Because dictionaries are not Life's Handbook and don't explain anything but a word's meaning.

"What does 'good looking' mean" is the title of the thread.. So..

 

[TheRealCallie]

Urban Dictionary defines the words as...

"good looking
people that look annoyingly better than you.

Goodlooking people IE those that get sex regularly.
grr. that ******* looks better than me... "



" Good Looking
A way of describing someone who you do not find attractive, however not horribly unattractive.
Also the only way to refer to a hot friend of your girlfriend.
A drunk friend of yours might find that fat woman standing at the bar hot, however with a level head you might describe her as good looking (as not to insult his poor decision). "



" good looking
adj. The vastly optimistic assessment your friends use to describe the blind date they've arranged for you.
Matt: So tell me about her. Is she cute?

Claire: She's "good looking".

Matt: Wait...huh? "

 

[Aisha]

^Urban dictionary IS life's handbook. Let us bow before the power of it's knowledge.

 

[Despicable Me]

Dictionaries are a thing. Why is this a debate?

Because dictionaries are not Life's Handbook and don't explain anything but a word's meaning.

"What does 'good looking' mean" is the title of the thread.. So..

See? You're still being too literal. That's exactly my point.

 

[Aisha]

Dictionaries are a thing. Why is this a debate?

Because dictionaries are not Life's Handbook and don't explain anything but a word's meaning.

"What does 'good looking' mean" is the title of the thread.. So..

See? You're still being too literal. That's exactly my point.

And what's wrong with being literal? Are we only supposed to acknowledge some abstract meaning of it just so everyone can go off on any tangent they like and begin purposeless fights that are irrelevant to the actual question? I answered the question and got to the point. 'Looks' have nothing to do with anything other than physical appearance. 'Beauty' isn't the question here, otherwise everyone could talk all day about how inner beauty is all that counts.
What is this life's handbook that you seem to know about anyway? Does everyone get a copy? I haven't received mine yet. Perhaps then I'll have the answer to the question of what good looking means that seems to be the correct one for you. =)

 

[TheRealCallie]

Literal (sorry, Urban Dictionary doesn't have literal, so I had to go with Literally )

"literally
A four syllable word used by monkeys to add emphasis and impress people. Monkeys who use the word don't understand what it means.
Dude: If that monkey says literally one more time I'll stomp him.
Chick: Literally?
Dude: Well, no. "