Am I not good enough for casual sex?

[user 139760]

*Canned Laughter*

 

[user 115627]

I don´t have experience dating at all. When I was 15 went to a party with my classmates. I made out with two girls that night, one of them was my crush. The next day I asked her out and she rejected me ( what hurt the most was the look in her freinds´s face, like saying "this guy??"). From 15 to 19 I made out with a few more in clubs. I messed with a few escorts at 17( I know is not a good move but it felt great at the moment and it served me to get over with it). I have been focused on my studies and other things in my life. Now at 20 I believe I have sorted out myself quite well, I know what I want in life.

I'll go by what Xpendable said above. You already had casual "sexual" experiences, even if not directly sex. So you should not struggle immensely to have any casual sex, but regularly seems less likely. I would not even consider casual sex part of dating anyway, dating takes more factors of your life into account. But the requirements increase either way.

I'll pass no judgment on you hiring escorts. People will do what they do. It was your money.

I don't understand your last sentence that well though. You say you sorted yourself out and you know what you want in life...I presume this goes beyond casual regular sex. Surely you just want to have some wild times in your 20s like many people, then start dating in a serious manner and consequently settling down in some way.

---

Or she's suffering from accute hypothermia and is seeking warmth as quickly as possible.
But I'll relent, it doesn't happen that often.

So you are saying a woman can violate a man's consent to physical intimacy if she is freezing? Nevermind, let's not get into that.

I think you should include confidence, attitude and other subliminal, well maybe not subliminal, subtle things, like glances, hand-gestures, posture, etc. They aren't looks per say but contribute to it. One well-placed meaningful glances can say much more than the most powerful biceps in the world.

That's a fair point, I could have stated this from the getgo. In the following paragraph I did mention confidence and I consider those "gestures" you referenced as a part of social fluency. Being able to smoothly engage in verbal and nonverbal communication.

Are we seriously starting this? I hate sitcoms, the characters are stereotypical and anything ends up being funny.
Poop head.

*Canned laughter*

We don't have to, I just didn't want to waste a good opportunity for a joke...I have a serious problem.

*canned laughter*

 

[Xpendable]

You sound extremely neurotypical; you'll be fine. You won't be sleeping with 3 women every week because if that was the case, you wouldn't be asking about it. You will probably have normal relationships.

Well the thing is how can I step up my level? How can I be part of the "highest league"? How to sleep with 3 girls every week?

Forget it, don´t respond. I know the kind of guy you are, the kind of guy who thinks everything is impossible better stay at home playing video games. Deep down you want the same as me. Let´s work hard ,do we have anything better to do???

Oh, I am very good, actually. I just value myself for healthy reasons, not for how many women I can sleep with. I don't play video games or waste time in "loser" hobbies. If you want to base your entire worth in female approval, be my guest, but don't come with that motivational speaker BS here. Most of us are adults.

 

[user 115627]

Well the thing is how can I step up my level? How can I be part of the "highest league"? How to sleep with 3 girls every week?

Why?

You also have not answered why you set yourself that particular goal in the first place. You just said you are lonely and horny.

 

[MiguelMS]

You sound extremely neurotypical; you'll be fine. You won't be sleeping with 3 women every week because if that was the case, you wouldn't be asking about it. You will probably have normal relationships.

Well the thing is how can I step up my level? How can I be part of the "highest league"? How to sleep with 3 girls every week?

Forget it, don´t respond. I know the kind of guy you are, the kind of guy who thinks everything is impossible better stay at home playing video games. Deep down you want the same as me. Let´s work hard ,do we have anything better to do???

Stop worrying about leagues.  Stop worrying about what everyone else has.  Stop worrying about what you saw on YouTube.  Start worrying about yourself.  Don't set yourself up to fail, which is exactly what you are doing.  You know what all those guys that you keep talking about how that you don't?  CONFIDENCE, they know how to work what they have to their benefit.  I'm not talking about your height or your looks or whatever, but how you appear to women, how you come across to women.

But what do I know.  I'm just a stupid woman, I should probably get back to the kitchen.  Sandwiches won't make themselves, after all....

Sorry to be persistent but I really don´t understand you. Why do you think I don´t have confidence? So I can´t have confidence because I am trying to get more attention from women?
Look, I just want to know if it is going to be a waste of time to pursue that lifestyle or not. If it is going to be a waste of time trying to become that kind of man. Because if the answer is "no" as many others have suggested I might be better off focusing on making money or something. I am willing to go to the gym like mad, be more outgoing, dress better, bbuy beauty products,,BE MORE CONFIDENT,... is that it?, do I have to do that? Then I will get it or not? Because if not I want to know it now not in 2 years.

I care about your opinion, actually you have been the most supportive of all, thank you for that, you are really great : )

 

[9006]

So the way I read it is that you want to go out to have casual sex via social media and clubs, but you don't want to get rejected for shallow reasons, while at the same time have some standards and maintain your ego? I'm sorry but I think you're trying to live two worlds here and I'm being serious when I say it would be easier to get what you want by paying for sex.

Look at it this way; you want to go out to clubs to meet women for sex but if you've ever been in a club with women in there's often a whole load of guys trying to do exactly what you are, amplified the longer the night goes on. They're like dogs on heat who care less about the outcome as long as they get laid. What makes you different than them? Your morals? I doubt they'd be interested in discussing that on a night out and I'm sure they've heard it all before to be honest. I mean sure you could meet someone who's wasted and end up have a one night stand but that's always been kind of cringy to me.

You sign up to Tinder and of course everyone knows what that's about. But again what makes you different from the (literal) millions of other guys wanting exactly what you want? It's inevitable that you're going to face a hell of a lot of shallow people, but it's perfectly understandable because if (by chance) a female is in the same mindset and wants to get laid, in either case she has literally so much choice.

Just to be clear I'm not judging, at least you're honest. But it seems to me that your mindset doesn't match what you're trying to do, I think dating sites is a better option. Most sites now let you specify what kind of relationship you want, I think there's more of a chance to meet someone with the same plans.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sorry to be persistent but I really don´t understand you. Why do you think I don´t have confidence? So I can´t have confidence because I am trying to get more attention from women?
Look, I just want to know if it is going to be a waste of time to pursue that lifestyle or not. If it is going to be a waste of time trying to become that kind of man. Because if the answer is "no" as many others have suggested I might be better off focusing on making money or something. I am willing to go to the gym like mad, be more outgoing, dress better, bbuy beauty products,,BE MORE CONFIDENT,... is that it?, do I have to do that? Then I will get it or not? Because if not I want to know it now not in 2 years.

I care about your opinion, actually you have been the most supportive of all, thank you for that, you are really great : )

I don't think you're confident because you don't feel you are good enough.  You are talking about leagues and how you aren't in the top tier and all this and all that.  That right there tells me that you are likely more negative on yourself than you might think you are. 

Honestly, if you want to have one night stands only, yeah, you're likely going to have to be either extremely good looking and/or have a good body or be confident about yourself and put yourself out there in an extremely interesting way that will get yourself the attention, that will make you stand out from the other guys. 

Every woman is going to have a different idea of what is attractive to them, so it's always going to be hit or miss, regardless of what you look like or how tall you are or even how confident you are.  And not every woman is going to be out there looking for one night stands or a casual relationship, so just because you are rejected, doesn't mean you've failed, you just didn't get what you wanted from THAT woman.

 

[Xpendable]

There aren't many ways of being attractive as compared to how many women are on the planet. If that were the case we wouldn't have evolved to like certain things.

 

[MiguelMS]

So the way I read it is that you want to go out to have casual sex via social media and clubs, but you don't want to get rejected for shallow reasons, while at the same time have some standards and maintain your ego? I'm sorry but I think you're trying to live two worlds here and I'm being serious when I say it would be easier to get what you want by paying for sex.

Look at it this way; you want to go out to clubs to meet women for sex but if you've ever been in a club with women in there's often a whole load of guys trying to do exactly what you are, amplified the longer the night goes on. They're like dogs on heat who care less about the outcome as long as they get laid. What makes you different than them? Your morals? I doubt they'd be interested in discussing that on a night out and I'm sure they've heard it all before to be honest. I mean sure you could meet someone who's wasted and end up have a one night stand but that's always been kind of cringy to me.

You sign up to Tinder and of course everyone knows what that's about. But again what makes you different from the (literal) millions of other guys wanting exactly what you want? It's inevitable that you're going to face a hell of a lot of shallow people, but it's perfectly understandable because if (by chance) a female is in the same mindset and wants to get laid, in either case she has literally so much choice.

Just to be clear I'm not judging, at least you're honest. But it seems to me that your mindset doesn't match what you're trying to do, I think dating sites is a better option. Most sites now let you specify what kind of relationship you want, I think there's more of a chance to meet someone with the same plans.

I have heard a lot of girls have casual sex therefore there must be some guys who have casual sex too. I want to be one of them.I understand there is a lot of ompetition but that shouldn´t be an excuse to quit in my book.

---

Sorry to be persistent but I really don´t understand you. Why do you think I don´t have confidence? So I can´t have confidence because I am trying to get more attention from women?
Look, I just want to know if it is going to be a waste of time to pursue that lifestyle or not. If it is going to be a waste of time trying to become that kind of man. Because if the answer is "no" as many others have suggested I might be better off focusing on making money or something. I am willing to go to the gym like mad, be more outgoing, dress better, bbuy beauty products,,BE MORE CONFIDENT,... is that it?, do I have to do that? Then I will get it or not? Because if not I want to know it now not in 2 years.

I care about your opinion, actually you have been the most supportive of all, thank you for that, you are really great : )

I don't think you're confident because you don't feel you are good enough.  You are talking about leagues and how you aren't in the top tier and all this and all that.  That right there tells me that you are likely more negative on yourself than you might think you are. 

Honestly, if you want to have one night stands only, yeah, you're likely going to have to be either extremely good looking and/or have a good body or be confident about yourself and put yourself out there in an extremely interesting way that will get yourself the attention, that will make you stand out from the other guys. 

Every woman is going to have a different idea of what is attractive to them, so it's always going to be hit or miss, regardless of what you look like or how tall you are or even how confident you are.  And not every woman is going to be out there looking for one night stands or a casual relationship, so just because you are rejected, doesn't mean you've failed, you just didn't get what you wanted from THAT woman.

Ok but when you say extremely good looking and all of that how can I know if I reach that level or if at least have the potential to reach it. I do believe I have the potential but what the hell I know. How can I know if I should go all in? 
I mean what is the alternative then, not have sex ever or only in long term relationships? Have sex with just one or two women ever?

 

[MiguelMS]

Well the thing is how can I step up my level? How can I be part of the "highest league"? How to sleep with 3 girls every week?

Why?

You also have not answered why you set yourself that particular goal in the first place. You just said you are lonely and horny.

Because I like sex, there is not muchmore to it really.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I would say it's a bit unusual that someone would just want casual sex. But in this day and age, I guess it's not so odd anymore. Not sure why anyone would just want that for themselves, though. But that's a question all of my own.

 

[user 139760]

We don't have to, I just didn't want to waste a good opportunity for a joke...I have a serious problem.

*canned laughter*

Oh, okay. Well I'll listen and be attentive then.

*scratches nose, pause*

I'll just wait here until a woman violates me in the name of hypothermia.

*canned laughter*

 

[user 115627]

Because I like sex, there is not muchmore to it really.

Understood. I have no further questions then.

 

[user 139760]

For me, in conclusion with this thread *canned laughter* oops, sorry...

Miguel, if you want to attract women, you have to be yourself, be confident in yourself, look in control and master of your own self, and exhude it. I believe in the straightforward approach and while you need to be able to deal with the rejection that inevitably comes with trying to sleep with someone you're not paying to sleep with, if you want to become Don Juan, you have to think and act like Don Juan. As Rodent said, I'm saying this as friendly advice, not my place to weight in on what I think about one nights, I've been there and I didn't particularly enjoy, but if that is your objective, I recommend the strong, confident straightforward approach. You still have to be prepared to take no as an answer and shrug it off not as necessarily a rejection of YOU, as a rejection of either the approach, the circumstances or the objective, even though some WILL reject you specifically for taste reasons. But that happens no matter what you look like. You just have to bear it and not take it personally. Very few people have women throwing themselves at them.

As such, good luck in your endeavours, man.

 

[kamya]

You'll be better off focusing on making money.

Almost all of the guys that are having tons of casual sex are the ones that don't really have to work for it in the first place.

The few that get there by work have to put so much energy into it that it's really not worth it.

Make money.

 

[MiguelMS]

You'll be better off focusing on making money.

Almost all of the guys that are having tons of casual sex are the ones that don't really have to work for it in the first place.

The few that get there by work have to put so much energy into it that it's really not worth it.

Make money.

I am going to give it a try. I am very introverted and it was usually very hard for me to not be quiet all the time. Maybe that was the problem all along.

 

[9006]

I would say it's a bit unusual that someone would just want casual sex. But in this day and age, I guess it's not so odd anymore. Not sure why anyone would just want that for themselves, though. But that's a question all of my own.

Lol, I thought this was all guys wanted when they were younger... or what it just me??

 

[user 139760]

Don't think it's ALL guys when they were younger. I had a few things but was mostly quiet.
Sure could do with some now though lol.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I would say it's a bit unusual that someone would just want casual sex. But in this day and age, I guess it's not so odd anymore. Not sure why anyone would just want that for themselves, though. But that's a question all of my own.

Lol, I thought this was all guys wanted when they were younger... or what it just me??

Can't speak for guys, but I'm sure some females are the same. Personally, I don't like touching people, and wouldn't want to deal with random folks.

 

[ardour]

Been said: If you were the kind of guy women wanted for casual sex, you probably wouldn't need to ask anyone for advice and thus wouldn't be here. Plenty of guys are confident and acceptable looking, but only a small % are attractive enough to pull that off, and that's ignoring all the downsides.

Maybe adjusting your expectations and finding others way to prove masculinity and self worth would be better.