Being ugly

[VanillaCreme]

You'd get on fine. Less is expected of the attractive.  People are more likely to want your company by default, women will be more comfortable around you, so you don't have to 'earn' it as much.
It depends on what you're avoiding. Not wanting to drown in a sea of rejection is understandable. However career and other unrelated goals has almost nothing to do with appearnce. Using ugliness as an excuse in that case is just pathetic.

I would reply with something that requires more thought, but it's coming from someone who basically said that I don't know what relationship troubles are because I was with someone. So, there's probably no point in saying this because you're just going to believe what you want. Which is fine. I'm not a person who has to actually deal with you. But no, we won't just be more comfortable in an "ugly" guy's presence. I don't care what a guy's face or body looked like. He'd have to "earn it" just as much as the next guy. I can't believe people still believe in senseless notions.

 

[ardour]

Both the Halo Effect and Confirmation Bias are well known in psychology. The most cited research on the topic is here
"Physically attractive people were judged to be more intelligent, healthier, sociable, and morally upright, compared to unattractive people"

More supporting research...
"Overall, people do judge a book but its cover but a beautiful cover prompts a closer reading...".

Summary: People are more inclined to want to know the attractive and are more likely to make an accurate (fair) character assessment of them.

There are numerous other resources assessing this, from advertising to the judicial system. You can look it up yourselves if you like. You only seem to rate your own personal perspective as valid so I won't bother.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So what's a reason someone like me, because I am not a pretty girl, has guys flirting with them anyway? I'm not attractive, yet still had the guy from the moving company ask me out, and he wouldn't stop until they were basically done. Not saying that any of that stuff isn't legit, I'm sure some of it is, but not every situation falls under it or can be explained by it.

 

[Erasercrumbs]

I am pretty pathetic and honestly, people are right to call me out on it.

 

[ardour]

So what's a reason someone like me, because I am not a pretty girl, has guys flirting with them anyway? I'm not attractive, yet still had the guy from the moving company ask me out, and he wouldn't stop until they were basically done. Not saying that any of that stuff isn't legit, I'm sure some of it is, but not every situation falls under it or can be explained by it.

You're more attractive than you think maybe. I'm pushing 40 and never experienced anything like that, and there's at least half a dozen single, never had a date types of men in my workplace.

 

[Xpendable]

I will trust the researchers and their thoroughly studied methods. I know that a singular opinion on a random forum looks convincing too, but I will take a risk on this one.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So what's a reason someone like me, because I am not a pretty girl, has guys flirting with them anyway? I'm not attractive, yet still had the guy from the moving company ask me out, and he wouldn't stop until they were basically done. Not saying that any of that stuff isn't legit, I'm sure some of it is, but not every situation falls under it or can be explained by it.

You're more attractive than you think maybe. I'm pushing 40 and never experienced anything like that, and there's at least half a dozen single, never had a date types of men in my workplace.

No, no I'm not. I have been treated like honeysuckle by people simply because I'm not a pretty person. I've also never been on date.

 

[ardour]

So what's a reason someone like me, because I am not a pretty girl, has guys flirting with them anyway? I'm not attractive, yet still had the guy from the moving company ask me out, and he wouldn't stop until they were basically done. Not saying that any of that stuff isn't legit, I'm sure some of it is, but not every situation falls under it or can be explained by it.

You're more attractive than you think maybe. I'm pushing 40 and never experienced anything like that, and there's at least half a dozen single, never had a date types of men in my workplace.

No, no I'm not. I have been treated like honeysuckle by people simply because I'm not a pretty person. I've also never been on date.

You've had a long term partner, whether you guys went on 'dates' or not. I mean...common. Now you have men hitting on you left and right. Granted some of that is likely to be unpleasant/unwelcome, but it's the kind of validating attention some of us will never experience. Not comparable to the lives of socially awkward, never-had-a-date lonely male office drones I mentioned.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So what's a reason someone like me, because I am not a pretty girl, has guys flirting with them anyway? I'm not attractive, yet still had the guy from the moving company ask me out, and he wouldn't stop until they were basically done. Not saying that any of that stuff isn't legit, I'm sure some of it is, but not every situation falls under it or can be explained by it.

You're more attractive than you think maybe. I'm pushing 40 and never experienced anything like that, and there's at least half a dozen single, never had a date types of men in my workplace.

No, no I'm not. I have been treated like honeysuckle by people simply because I'm not a pretty person. I've also never been on date.

You've had a long term partner, whether you guys went on 'dates' or not. I mean...common. Now you have men hitting on you left and right. Granted some of that is likely to be unpleasant/unwelcome, but it's the kind of validating attention some of us will never experience. Not comparable to the lives of  socially awkward, never-had-a-date lonely male office drones I mentioned.

Again, you assume because I've had a long-term relationship, that I know no hardships. I would say it's irritating, but I'm just glad I don't have to deal with you in person. No doubt you'd say it to my face that I have no reason to complain about life, because hey, I've had someone, right?

All the flirting is unwelcome, by the way. I don't want it. And just because you do, doesn't mean it's such a fantastic thing.

 

[ardour]

. No doubt you'd say it to my face that I have no reason to complain about life, because hey, I've had someone, right?

 
I didn't say that. I just pointed out that the 'never had a date' comment was disingenous since you've had a relationship (you posting about it).

 

[Sci-Fi]

Some people are just ugly on the inside so it shows on the outside.

And about the whole crap about, "good looking" people not be looked down upon in situations like "ugly people" are, is just so much, well I've already said it, crap. People who are deemed "good looking" have their own prejudices to deal with. They are often looked upon as vain, pompous, conceited, self absorbed, those who think they are above others, etc. I don't think I need to go on, that's a whole other level of ugly on its own.

I've worked in customer service for years and I have never worked with anyone who segregated anyone on their looks, except for one boss who was a massive disgusting pervert. You are trained to look at a persons on how they act not how they look. You are trained to spot the tells that someone might be a potential shop lifter. Not, oh that person is ugly better keep an eye on them. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

All I see are the typical excuses. Change your ugly on the inside.

 

[Elyseon]

People tend to be more critical of themselves that others are, for ex. some people see a little bulge in their midsection and think they look like a whale while others don't notice it at all.

I have never felt like I was attractive. I have always felt awkward and plain. I am a huge tomboy and have been told that I am practically a guy or that certain men are more feminine than I am. Not to mention I have had things happen in my past that makes me feel really bad about myself and I don't know who would even want to put up with someone as messed up as I am who isn't even all that pretty or feminine. I like video games a little too much, don't really dress well, have too many freckles and can't talk to people without getting nervous and sounding stupid.

To be honest, If I could find someone who could know the real me, know everything about me and still accept me and care about me then I honestly wouldn't care what that person looked like. I would probably love that person until the day I died because I have never had anything like that in my life. So maybe looks aren't everything if you can find the right person.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Yes, people are wired to be attracted to proportionate things.
Ernst Gombrich, one of the leading art historians of the 20th century has put it perfectly that human beings have a deep psychological attraction to order. Symmetry is attractive. Sure, there might be exceptions, but exceptions exist in every aspect of the universe, and still the law is accepted.

Speaking of looks, I know how it feels to be ugly, since I have been called rapist for having super dark circles and my eyes naturally looking tired.
During those days, I would read all the articles about how to attract, what is attractive, etc. Lame isn't it?
But I found this one article, that said perfectly, that people aren't attracted to one particular part.
Our minds find a "mean score" (lets say) to decide whether one is attractive or not.
Don't believe me? Lets take a simple example, some hairstyles look good on people with certain faces, and look ugly on others. Isn't it?
So, yeah, that's good news part one.

Another thing to note is that, lets say you can't change one aspect of your face. But what are you doing about the other things that you can change?
Do you have big lips which you think is ugly..... but you are doing noting about your face which is full of acne? Changing lip size may not be as easy as removing acne, so are you dealing with acne and getting a better face than just being sad about your lips? Nobody is perfect, but everyone can be the best version of themselves.

Speaking about being sad about it, I wish Maslow had made one more pyramid. Looks matter, but not at everything. Looks are not the only factor of happiness. Being ugly sucks in some cases, but its not the end of life. You can rule the greatest country in the world even if you look ugly.

This also doesn't mean that I am telling you to give up on that and live a sad depressed life. Do the best you can, change the things you can change, forget about the rest. Don't be obsessed about it, not that not obsessing will solve your prolems, but surely, obsessing over it won't solve those problems.

 

[ardour]

To be honest, If I could find someone who could know the real me, know everything about me and still accept me and care about me then I honestly wouldn't care what that person looked like. I would probably love that person until the day I died because I have never had anything like that in my life.

It might be different if you were faced with this option in real life. I can't imagine being physically intimate with someone where there's no (physical) attraction. As in none at all. I doesn't work for most of us. When people say "I dont' care about looks", I think most of the time this means they're not particularly picky about it.

 

[Elyseon]

To be honest, If I could find someone who could know the real me, know everything about me and still accept me and care about me then I honestly wouldn't care what that person looked like. I would probably love that person until the day I died because I have never had anything like that in my life.

It might be different if you were faced with this option in real life. I can't imagine being physically intimate with someone where there's no (physical) attraction. As in none at all.  I doesn't work for most of us.   When people say "I dont' care about looks", I think most of the time this means they're not particularly picky about it.

I am not the best looking person myself so it would be kind of hypocritical of me to want someone good looking. With all of my issues and hangups I would be grateful for a person who could look past all of my bullshit and still love me.  I am definitely no prize. The only guy I have ever really had feelings for was overweight and average looking but he ended up with someone else because I was too afraid to do anything about it.  That was a long time ago though.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Change your ugly on the inside.

+1

Beauty shows from within outward

 

[VanillaCreme]

I am not the best looking person myself so it would be kind of hypocritical of me to want someone good looking. With all of my issues and hangups I would be grateful for a person who could look past all of my bullshit and still love me.  I am definitely no prize. The only guy I have ever really had feelings for was overweight and average looking but he ended up with someone else because I was too afraid to do anything about it.  That was a long time ago though.

That's my reason, too. I spent nearly all of my developing years being the butt of fat jokes and such. I've shared my story here about the one time I actually had enough courage to ask a guy out that I really liked. But of course, that went south. So it would be extremely hypocritical of me to demand a chiseled face and body on a guy. That's not even my style anyway, so I'm glad I don't care to look for it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

chiseled face :club:

 

[VanillaCreme]

... is that a bronze statue that's crying? Oh hell naw.

 

[Elyseon]

I am not the best looking person myself so it would be kind of hypocritical of me to want someone good looking. With all of my issues and hangups I would be grateful for a person who could look past all of my bullshit and still love me.  I am definitely no prize. The only guy I have ever really had feelings for was overweight and average looking but he ended up with someone else because I was too afraid to do anything about it.  That was a long time ago though.

That's my reason, too. I spent nearly all of my developing years being the butt of fat jokes and such. I've shared my story here about the one time I actually had enough courage to ask a guy out that I really liked. But of course, that went south. So it would be extremely hypocritical of me to demand a chiseled face and body on a guy. That's not even my style anyway, so I'm glad I don't care to look for it.

 I was drawn to the person I liked because they liked the same things I did and didn't judge me for not being feminine enough or the things I was into. I liked his sarcastic sense of humor and that he was quick witted. We used to talk about books all the time and play video games together. I could tell that he liked me too but I was afraid, and didn't want to tell him some of my deepest darkest secrets that I would have had to tell him if I wanted to start a relationship. I didnt want him to look at me differently. Eh, it's over and done now and I am over it but I sometimes wonder what if.