Being ugly

[Jafo]

We're fed this line of bullshit that "looks don't matter" and "it's what's on the inside that counts". It's all a lie.

 

[VanillaCreme]

We're fed this line of bullshit that "looks don't matter" and "it's what's on the inside that counts". It's all a lie.

It's unfortunate that it does matter to so many folks. It's a choice, though, whether or not someone decides it should matter to them or not.

 

[SophiaGrace]

We're fed this line of bullshit that "looks don't matter" and "it's what's on the inside that counts". It's all a lie.

Yeah that's what I told myself for years.

Just gotta give it the middle finger at some point.

 

[Rust]

Search for the Halo Effect. Well documented.

I was more looking for the evolutionary science of attractiveness and just how much personal preference actually applies, I thought the articles I had were good and it's hard to find anything else on it, I'll look it up though

 

[TheRealCallie]

Okay, you are all about everyone else giving YOU the research (which apparently isn't good enough for you. lol), I want to see YOUR research.

 

[Rust]

Okay, you are all about everyone else giving YOU the research (which apparently isn't good enough for you. lol), I want to see YOUR research.

  

I thought I already talked about the articles you could find on ncbi, the best thing I could find was called "facial attractiveness: evolutionary based research" if you click on the author information thing it shows their degree and stuff if you want to look that up and I was really looking for research disproving that seeing as you claimed to have it, the halo effect is interesting and all but it's not that closely related. Anyway why are you still trying to get me into your way of thinking, I already explained that it won't work for me unless if can find research disproving the article I talked about and although I'm trying to look but i can't find anything and just changing the way I think will probably be worse for my mental health because I need the way I think to be based on research to stay grounded and although I envy your ability to find beauty in your own way that doesn't work for everyone

 

[TheRealCallie]

Here, took me two seconds to find this. And yes, it was done by medical professionals....I'm sure if I looked more, I could find a significant amount that would back up my "bullshit," but that's all you're going to get from me. Look harder next time. If you wanted to find honeysuckle, you would have. You don't really want to, so you won't.
As I said, look at BOTH sides. This study shows you that attractiveness is more environmental than it is genetic. Eye of the beholder. Although....I'm sure this isn't good enough for you either, since you are so particular in what you want. It's not about what you WANT, it's about what you NEED. And accepting the fact that you are "ugly" and living with it is not the answer. It never will be. No one is a loser (no, I'm not saying you said you were a loser, so don't go there) and no one is ugly unless THEY think they are. So, if you want to be ugly all your life, have at it, but it's not necessary and it's not true.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/science-explains-why-beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder/

 

[SophiaGrace]

I was born with a facial abnormality so idk what your deal is honestly, Rust. If you want to go cry in a corner about it, have at it. Won't do you any good.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I was born with a facial abnormality so idk what your deal is honestly, Rust. If you want to go cry in a corner about it, have at it. Won't do you any good.

You aren't ugly either :club: lol

 

[Rust]

Here, took me two seconds to find this.  And yes, it was done by medical professionals....I'm sure if I looked more, I could find a significant amount that would back up my "bullshit," but that's all you're going to get from me.  Look harder next time.  If you wanted to find honeysuckle, you would have.  You don't really want to, so you won't.  
As I said, look at BOTH sides.  This study shows you that attractiveness is more environmental than it is genetic.  Eye of the beholder.  Although....I'm sure this isn't good enough for you either, since you are so particular in what you want.  It's not about what you WANT, it's about what you NEED.  And accepting the fact that you are "ugly" and living with it is not the answer.  It never will be.  No one is a loser (no, I'm not saying you said you were a loser, so don't go there) and no one is ugly unless THEY think they are.  So, if you want to be ugly all your life, have at it, but it's not necessary and it's not true.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/science-explains-why-beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder/

The study itself was hard to find having to look through all the articles on it, but it did say that there was a tendency to agree although there was a fair bit more leeway than I thought, although I suppose different studies will have different results. even the article I directed you too said the cultural and genetic difference for each individual might effect the preference but there are trends that apply to every culture, and these trends are symmetry, good skin tone ect. It's actually pretty interesting and does show both sides before coming to a conclusion if you want to look it up, anyway although I know there is some truth in both arguments it's far easier for me to accept that by most of the universal standards I just mentioned I'm ugly because if I didn't do that then I'd have to keep on trying to do these mental gymnastics just to convince myself I'm beautiful something that wouldn't work for me at all and would probably cause me a lot of pain, there are arguments for both sides, if you could even think of the rule vs the exceptions to the rule as an argument, but this is basically your coping mechanism against mine, you can try to tell me that what I'm doing isn't the answer but for a lot of people it is, I could just as easily say the same about your "everyone is beautiful" thing and maybe for you that does make sense but for me it's really not something that would work, as for the want vs need thing I'm not that picky with the exact words I use so I'm not sure what the point is there

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I was born with a facial abnormality so idk what your deal is honestly, Rust. If you want to go cry in a corner about it, have at it. Won't do you any good.

I'm not crying about it, that's the point, I'm admitting that it's not something that's considered attractive but I'm moving on and improving other parts of myself

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think you may have contradicted yourself in that post.
And I never said everyone is beautiful, just that no one is ugly, so you may want to go reread that. Everyone is unique. Everyone has good and bad when it comes to physical appearance. Those that appear to have more good aren't any better than those who think they have more bad. The only difference is confidence.

 

[Rust]

I think you may have contradicted yourself in that post.  
And I never said everyone is beautiful, just that no one is ugly, so you may want to go reread that. Everyone is unique. Everyone has good and bad when it comes to physical appearance.  Those that appear to have more good aren't any better than those who think they have more bad.  The only difference is confidence.

Sorry I misunderstood then, but if that what you mean then I think we might be arguing over the definition of a word, I when I say I'm ugly I mean I have significantly more bad than good, anyway, I'm confident in other parts of myself so I really don't know what to say to that lol

 

[SophiaGrace]

I was born with a facial abnormality so idk what your deal is honestly, Rust. If you want to go cry in a corner about it, have at it. Won't do you any good.

You aren't ugly either :club: lol

Wasn't saying I was

 

[dead]

I was born with a facial abnormality so idk what your deal is honestly, Rust. If you want to go cry in a corner about it, have at it. Won't do you any good.

You aren't ugly either :club: lol

Wasn't saying I was

Because you're lovely!

 

[Erasercrumbs]

Being ugly is a part of who I am.  It shaped my formative years and influences everything I do. If I were to wake up tomorrow and magically be attractive, I'd be scared and confused, because I would have no idea what's expected of me now.

The worst part about being ugly, though, is that I use it as a crutch to weasel out of things that are difficult. Why even try if the deck is stacked against me? The line between low self-esteem and cowardice is dangerously thin sometimes, at least it is for me. Honestly, my most grievous sin isn't being ugly, it's being too sensitive about it. Life is full of rejection, and if I were stronger, I wouldn't let it limit me so much.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I was born with a facial abnormality so idk what your deal is honestly, Rust. If you want to go cry in a corner about it, have at it. Won't do you any good.

You aren't ugly either :club: lol

Wasn't saying I was

Because you're lovely!

Aw, Dead.... 

Don't make my heart crumble. :'( I got something in my eye now.

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Being ugly is a part of who I am.  It shaped my formative years and influences everything I do. If I were to wake up tomorrow and magically be attractive, I'd be scared and confused, because I would have no idea what's expected of me now.

The worst part about being ugly, though, is that I use it as a crutch to weasel out of things that are difficult. Why even try if the deck is stacked against me? The line between low self-esteem and cowardice is dangerously thin sometimes, at least it is for me. Honestly, my most grievous sin isn't being ugly, it's being too sensitive about it. Life is full of rejection, and if I were stronger, I wouldn't let it limit me so much.

Your past doesn't define your present or your future. Only you do. :shy: It's time you start learning that.

 

[Rust]

Being ugly is a part of who I am.  It shaped my formative years and influences everything I do. If I were to wake up tomorrow and magically be attractive, I'd be scared and confused, because I would have no idea what's expected of me now.

The worst part about being ugly, though, is that I use it as a crutch to weasel out of things that are difficult. Why even try if the deck is stacked against me? The line between low self-esteem and cowardice is dangerously thin sometimes, at least it is for me. Honestly, my most grievous sin isn't being ugly, it's being too sensitive about it. Life is full of rejection, and if I were stronger, I wouldn't let it limit me so much.

There are a few people I know like that, I guess it's pretty common you could get out and get so good at something you have bragging rights, that's usually pretty good for your confidence and is really helpful with conversations seeing as skills and hobbies are something people talk about a lot
As for ugliness being a part of you, you aren't really wrong but it's a miniscule part most of the time, if you're likeable and interesting, although I can only speak for myself here, people don't seem to care if it's just platonic, romantic relationships are a whole different thing but even then personality plays role, anyway my way of dealing with this stuff might not work for you but you could try lots of things

 

[VanillaCreme]

Being ugly is a part of who I am.  It shaped my formative years and influences everything I do. If I were to wake up tomorrow and magically be attractive, I'd be scared and confused, because I would have no idea what's expected of me now.

The worst part about being ugly, though, is that I use it as a crutch to weasel out of things that are difficult. Why even try if the deck is stacked against me? The line between low self-esteem and cowardice is dangerously thin sometimes, at least it is for me. Honestly, my most grievous sin isn't being ugly, it's being too sensitive about it. Life is full of rejection, and if I were stronger, I wouldn't let it limit me so much.

Awesome. This is probably one of the best posts.

 

[ardour]

Being ugly is a part of who I am.  It shaped my formative years and influences everything I do. If I were to wake up tomorrow and magically be attractive, I'd be scared and confused, because I would have no idea what's expected of me now.

The worst part about being ugly, though, is that I use it as a crutch to weasel out of things that are difficult. Why even try if the deck is stacked against me? The line between low self-esteem and cowardice is dangerously thin sometimes, at least it is for me. Honestly, my most grievous sin isn't being ugly, it's being too sensitive about it. Life is full of rejection, and if I were stronger, I wouldn't let it limit me so much.

You'd get on fine. Less is expected of the attractive.  People are more likely to want your company by default, women will be more comfortable around you, so you don't have to 'earn' it as much.
It depends on what you're avoiding. Not wanting to drown in a sea of rejection is understandable. However career and other unrelated goals has almost nothing to do with appearnce. Using ugliness as an excuse in that case is just pathetic.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You'd get on fine. Less is expected of the attractive.  People are more likely to want your company by default, women will be more comfortable around you, so you don't have to 'earn' it as much.
It depends on what you're avoiding. Not wanting to drown in a sea of rejection is understandable. However career and other unrelated goals has almost nothing to do with appearnce. Using ugliness as an excuse in that case is just pathetic.

Um, what?  That is not true.