How important is it to be in a relationship in your 30s?

[user 115627]

Again, looking on the bright side, if some of you are superhumanly capable of being happy without intimacy, I'm really happy for you ! That's great ! I wish I could do the same.

Well, it is perfectly acceptable for me to see you are not able of whatever some other people are capable of. That's common sense. But it has nothing to do with superhuman capabilities. And in my opinion, it has even less to do with "being happy". I don't think that is the highest goal or meaning of life anyone should be striving for.

They are not. They would not be here if they were

Tell me about it

Obviously there are a lot of people on this forum who would agree with you. They are not the ones who are arguing right now though.

The "They would not be here (on a forum called A Lonely Life)" argument is getting really old by now. Not only are people present who are currently lonely, but also those who joined during a period of loneliness, combated it successfully and stayed behind to help others. And then there are some who are looking for insight into the mind of the detached, the introverts or actual loners who didn't find a better place to discuss social issues. Cthulhu only knows who else, apparently a significant portion who mistake this place for a dating site.

Hyperbolically speaking, you wouldn't tell religious users on an atheist forum "Hurr durr GTFO if u believ in God" either.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Everyone has their own reasons for being here. Lack of inntimacy isn't the only one.

Exactly. I'm amazed at how some people here seem to have fun with making arrogant and patronising  generalisations based on their own personal feelings. This entire thread is basically just bs at this point. Im out.

Why is this getting personal ? "Some people" ?

It is a debate involving opposing viewpoints, not antagonistic people.

Last I checked, calling people delusional and in denial because they aren't you is rather antagonistic....

 

[TheRealCallie]

Excuse me..I didn't say its the only one. Nor should you or calie take everything as a slight on these threads just to be contrarian for the sake of it. Because that what it really seems like the two of you enjoy doing

When someone tries to lump me into ONE group because that's how THEY think people should be....sorry, I'm going to say something. 

Also, this is a PUBLIC forum, as Somnawhatever has pointed out so many **** times.  You don't have to be lonely to be on here.  ANYONE can join

Oh most certainly. Then let me apologize.  It was a mismisunderstanding.  I asssumed you were lonley.  Guess I was wrong

Yes, you were

 

[Restless soul]

By the way the title of this thread was rhetorical for me.

thanks for confirming that to me.

Sure. Join the party

 

[Tuathaniel]

Everyone has their own reasons for being here. Lack of inntimacy isn't the only one.

Exactly. I'm amazed at how some people here seem to have fun with making arrogant and patronising  generalisations based on their own personal feelings. This entire thread is basically just bs at this point. Im out.

Why is this getting personal ? "Some people" ?

It is a debate involving opposing viewpoints, not antagonistic people.

No, it's not. It's a "debate" where someone claims that their personal viewpoint is the universal truth and that anyone who sees it differently is in denial about it. That's pretty antagonistic in my book. And, again, really arrogant and patronising. Not cool.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think it's necessary at any age. Some people are perfectly fine not being in a relationship or being intimate with anyone. Some do feel that they need it. I suppose it boils down to personal preference. Some don't mind, and some do. It's not possible to speak for everyone just because one person feels a certain way about it. And everyone's perfectly capable of deciding to feel a certain way about it for themselves, so try not to turn this into a debate - because it's not - just because someone doesn't agree with a one-sided nature about it.

 

[Restless soul]

I don't think it's necessary at any age. Some people are perfectly fine not being in a relationship or being intimate with anyone. Some do feel that they need it. I suppose it boils down to personal preference. Some don't mind, and some do. It's not possible to speak for everyone just because one person feels a certain way about it. And everyone's perfectly capable of deciding to feel a certain way about it for themselves, so try not to turn this into a debate - because it's not - just because someone doesn't agree with a one-sided nature about it.

Oh, no. Not to worry. It's been a very healthy discussion thus
Far

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think it's necessary at any age. Some people are perfectly fine not being in a relationship or being intimate with anyone. Some do feel that they need it. I suppose it boils down to personal preference. Some don't mind, and some do. It's not possible to speak for everyone just because one person feels a certain way about it. And everyone's perfectly capable of deciding to feel a certain way about it for themselves, so try not to turn this into a debate - because it's not - just because someone doesn't agree with a one-sided nature about it.

Oh, no. Not to worry. It's been a very healthy discussion thus
Far

If it were healthy, no one would be here.

 

[Restless soul]

I don't think it's necessary at any age. Some people are perfectly fine not being in a relationship or being intimate with anyone. Some do feel that they need it. I suppose it boils down to personal preference. Some don't mind, and some do. It's not possible to speak for everyone just because one person feels a certain way about it. And everyone's perfectly capable of deciding to feel a certain way about it for themselves, so try not to turn this into a debate - because it's not - just because someone doesn't agree with a one-sided nature about it.

Oh, no. Not to worry. It's been a very healthy discussion thus
Far

If it were healthy, no one would be here.

Sure we would. That is the healthy part - the discussion

 

[Restless soul]

I don't think it's necessary at any age. Some people are perfectly fine not being in a relationship or being intimate with anyone. Some do feel that they need it. I suppose it boils down to personal preference. Some don't mind, and some do. It's not possible to speak for everyone just because one person feels a certain way about it. And everyone's perfectly capable of deciding to feel a certain way about it for themselves, so try not to turn this into a debate - because it's not - just because someone doesn't agree with a one-sided nature about it.

Oh, no. Not to worry. It's been a very healthy discussion thus
Far

If it were healthy, no one would be here.

Sure we would. That is the healthy part - the discussion

Sorta like group therapy. Which I never been

 

[Bones 2.0]

When I was in my 30s, I was to busy raising my daughter to be lonely for seven years.

(I have had sole custody - without the other parent having visitation rights or seeing her - since she was 14 months old and now she is 21.)

There could be a couple of people in this forum who was/is in the same situation that I was in.

Also, over the last six years or so, there were several people who were in happy marriages & posted in the forum.

People come here for a variety of reasons.

Wow, this got temperamental, and for the third time today, I find myself agreeing with Callie. People are individuals. Not everybody have the same desires and emotional needs, even though humans as a species are mostly a social herd animal. If someone says they're happy with being alone, it's actually quite rude to keep telling them "no, you're just in denial if you think that." Nobody should ever assume what others want based on their own feelings, or assume that you know somebody better than they know themselves. It's not just rude, it's also incredibly arrogant.

Thanks, Tuathaniel. I don't see this as a personal battle. I didn't say what I said because I was talking to Callie. It's immaterial who agrees with me.

It is not arrogant to make generalizations based on known scientific facts. I've brought up the Oxygen example a few times. I've got nothing to gain here from pointing out what countless others discovered long ago - namely, that we are all social animals.

Now, you're right that we are all conditioned differently. But, that conditioning obscures our true nature (which is what I called "denial" ... denial obscures our true nature of wanting intimacy). Now, I'm certain that that is universal. The only exception I can think of is "asexual" people. I will admit ... I don't know much about asexuality, except that they don't feel sexual attraction. But, I'm willing to bet that even they need intimacy in other forms.

If you think I'm being arrogant and rude, that is your right. And, I know what I know, and stating that is my right.

Again, looking on the bright side, if some of you are superhumanly capable of being happy without intimacy, I'm really happy for you ! That's great ! I wish I could do the same.

They are not. They would not be here if they were

Tell me about it

The only exception might be people here solely to help others. Like our new member AlexD, a self-confidence coach.

 

[Restless soul]

When I was in my 30s, I was to busy raising my daughter to be lonely for seven years.

(I have had sole custody - without the other parent having visitation rights or seeing her - since she was 14 months old and now she is 21.)

There could be a couple of people in this forum who was/is in the same situation that I was in.

Also, over the last six years or so, there were several people who were in happy marriages & posted in the forum.

People come here for a variety of reasons.

Wow, this got temperamental, and for the third time today, I find myself agreeing with Callie. People are individuals. Not everybody have the same desires and emotional needs, even though humans as a species are mostly a social herd animal. If someone says they're happy with being alone, it's actually quite rude to keep telling them "no, you're just in denial if you think that." Nobody should ever assume what others want based on their own feelings, or assume that you know somebody better than they know themselves. It's not just rude, it's also incredibly arrogant.

Thanks, Tuathaniel. I don't see this as a personal battle. I didn't say what I said because I was talking to Callie. It's immaterial who agrees with me.

It is not arrogant to make generalizations based on known scientific facts. I've brought up the Oxygen example a few times. I've got nothing to gain here from pointing out what countless others discovered long ago - namely, that we are all social animals.

Now, you're right that we are all conditioned differently. But, that conditioning obscures our true nature (which is what I called "denial" ... denial obscures our true nature of wanting intimacy). Now, I'm certain that that is universal. The only exception I can think of is "asexual" people. I will admit ... I don't know much about asexuality, except that they don't feel sexual attraction. But, I'm willing to bet that even they need intimacy in other forms.

If you think I'm being arrogant and rude, that is your right. And, I know what I know, and stating that is my right.

Again, looking on the bright side, if some of you are superhumanly capable of being happy without intimacy, I'm really happy for you ! That's great ! I wish I could do the same.

They are not. They would not be here if they were

Tell me about it

The only exception might be people here solely to help others. Like our new member AlexD, a self-confidence coach.

That is true. As someone stated above. I wouldn't have found this site if it wasn't issue. But whomever else is here and was lonley at some point is not  now. Wants to contribute. Chat. Fine with me.

 

[Restless soul]

When I was in my 30s, I was to busy raising my daughter to be lonely for seven years.

(I have had sole custody - without the other parent having visitation rights or seeing her - since she was 14 months old and now she is 21.)

There could be a couple of people in this forum who was/is in the same situation that I was in.

Also, over the last six years or so, there were several people who were in happy marriages & posted in the forum.

People come here for a variety of reasons.

Wow, this got temperamental, and for the third time today, I find myself agreeing with Callie. People are individuals. Not everybody have the same desires and emotional needs, even though humans as a species are mostly a social herd animal. If someone says they're happy with being alone, it's actually quite rude to keep telling them "no, you're just in denial if you think that." Nobody should ever assume what others want based on their own feelings, or assume that you know somebody better than they know themselves. It's not just rude, it's also incredibly arrogant.

Thanks, Tuathaniel. I don't see this as a personal battle. I didn't say what I said because I was talking to Callie. It's immaterial who agrees with me.

It is not arrogant to make generalizations based on known scientific facts. I've brought up the Oxygen example a few times. I've got nothing to gain here from pointing out what countless others discovered long ago - namely, that we are all social animals.

Now, you're right that we are all conditioned differently. But, that conditioning obscures our true nature (which is what I called "denial" ... denial obscures our true nature of wanting intimacy). Now, I'm certain that that is universal. The only exception I can think of is "asexual" people. I will admit ... I don't know much about asexuality, except that they don't feel sexual attraction. But, I'm willing to bet that even they need intimacy in other forms.

If you think I'm being arrogant and rude, that is your right. And, I know what I know, and stating that is my right.

Again, looking on the bright side, if some of you are superhumanly capable of being happy without intimacy, I'm really happy for you ! That's great ! I wish I could do the same.

They are not. They would not be here if they were

Tell me about it

The only exception might be people here solely to help others. Like our new member AlexD, a self-confidence coach.

watch this video. Dont know how to embed the video clip

 

[Restless soul]

[video=youtube]http://https://youtu.be/acLNLvSHvxU[/video]

 

[Restless soul]

When I was in my 30s, I was to busy raising my daughter to be lonely for seven years.

(I have had sole custody - without the other parent having visitation rights or seeing her - since she was 14 months old and now she is 21.)

There could be a couple of people in this forum who was/is in the same situation that I was in.

Also, over the last six years or so, there were several people who were in happy marriages & posted in the forum.

People come here for a variety of reasons.

Wow, this got temperamental, and for the third time today, I find myself agreeing with Callie. People are individuals. Not everybody have the same desires and emotional needs, even though humans as a species are mostly a social herd animal. If someone says they're happy with being alone, it's actually quite rude to keep telling them "no, you're just in denial if you think that." Nobody should ever assume what others want based on their own feelings, or assume that you know somebody better than they know themselves. It's not just rude, it's also incredibly arrogant.

Thanks, Tuathaniel. I don't see this as a personal battle. I didn't say what I said because I was talking to Callie. It's immaterial who agrees with me.

It is not arrogant to make generalizations based on known scientific facts. I've brought up the Oxygen example a few times. I've got nothing to gain here from pointing out what countless others discovered long ago - namely, that we are all social animals.

Now, you're right that we are all conditioned differently. But, that conditioning obscures our true nature (which is what I called "denial" ... denial obscures our true nature of wanting intimacy). Now, I'm certain that that is universal. The only exception I can think of is "asexual" people. I will admit ... I don't know much about asexuality, except that they don't feel sexual attraction. But, I'm willing to bet that even they need intimacy in other forms.

If you think I'm being arrogant and rude, that is your right. And, I know what I know, and stating that is my right.

Again, looking on the bright side, if some of you are superhumanly capable of being happy without intimacy, I'm really happy for you ! That's great ! I wish I could do the same.

They are not. They would not be here if they were

Tell me about it

The only exception might be people here solely to help others. Like our new member AlexD, a self-confidence coach.

This guy is pretty good apparently he has been around forever. But I just found him[video=youtube]http://https://youtu.be/acLNLvSHvxU[/video]8

 

[Bones 2.0]

FIFY

[youtube]acLNLvSHvxU[/youtube]

I appreciate the additional information - my self image is way different from how others see me according to my co-workers that I have been with for the past 14 years - they like me way more than I like myself - lol - professionally, I do really well with others, but interpersonal relationships is my Achilles Heel.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

For me, I'm in my low 30's, and it's very important for me to be in a relationship.

However, there has been no luck for me.

I've been to speed dating events in my area, I am currently doing online dating with match.com and OKcupid, and NO LUCK at all!!!

I only had one girl respond to me on Match.com, and we ended up having coffee together, and then dinner together a week later, and then after the dinnner, she didn't respond to my text message. It's okay, because I wasn't interested in her either after seeing her in real life.

I think it's important, especially for males, here in the US to be in a relationship. Otherwise, people will think you're gay or something.

For me, feeling lonely makes me sad, depressed, and I just feel like sitting in my apartment all day long, not wanting to do something.

it's true, loneliness is a BIG TIME KILLER, comparable to alcoholism and drug usage. Single old people die have a tendency (not all of them, but most of them) to pass away earlier than couples who are together.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think it's important, especially for males, here in the US to be in a relationship. Otherwise, people will think you're gay or something.

It's no more important for a guy in the United States to be in a relationship at that age than it is for a female to be in one at that age. We can be looked at as lesbians, for one reason or another. And you say that people will think you're gay as if that's a prison sentence. Who cares if someone thinks you're gay... You know you're not, if you aren't, and if it matters so much to you what anyone else would think, then I believe you're on the wrong track anyway.

 

[Restless soul]

For me, I'm in my low 30's, and it's very important for me to be in a relationship.

However, there has been no luck for me.

I've been to speed dating events in my area, I am currently doing online dating with match.com and OKcupid, and NO LUCK at all!!!

I only had one girl respond to me on Match.com, and we ended up having coffee together, and then dinner together a week later, and then after the dinnner, she didn't respond to my text message. It's okay, because I wasn't interested in her either after seeing her in real life.

I think it's important, especially for males, here in the US to be in a relationship. Otherwise, people will think you're gay or something.

For me, feeling lonely makes me sad, depressed, and I just feel like sitting in my apartment all day long, not wanting to do something.

it's true, loneliness is a BIG TIME KILLER, comparable to alcoholism and drug usage. Single old people die have a tendency (not all of them, but most of them) to pass away earlier than couples who are together.

Since you are on my thread I wish you the best of luck. Keep doing what you are doing. Have you tried tinder?

 

[ardour]

Older single men, particularly those never married or having been in serious relationships, are often seen as losers or social pariahs due to the creep/pedophile/dirty old man stigmas.

Without being 'vouched for' by a partner people are more likely to regard you with suspicion. While this applies to both genders the specific nature of the judgement towards men elicits more hostility and avoidance.