how many people thought of ending ur own life?

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I've been having suicidal thoughts for a few years now.
What's stopping me from doing it?

* Tenacity
* Because things can and do get better
* Learning to make my own happiness
* Realising that I can change my life for the better
* Nothing lasts forever
* Because I've learned to be happy on my own
* Because I've been to those very dark places and been so close to giving up before
* Because I've made it this far already
* Because not a lot really matters in the end
* Because life is meaningless and ultimately pointless to me and somehow this makes me feel better about it all
* Because I'm here already so I might as well enjoy the ride
* Because I'm scared of missing out on all the possible fun
* Because I'm scared of ******* up my suicide
* Because I'm scared of death
* Because I'm too ******* lazy to think of a better suicide plan
* There's so much I want to do before I'm dead
 
Hmm. There is a story behind it. I won't get into details as its very personal and whatnot (even more so than what I've already posted here)

In short, life had been beyond crap for some time but it was getting better at a very slow rate, however several things happened that led me to believe that life would get worse again, and as I was about to hang myself.

I heard a voice inside my own head. Normally I'd hear only my own voice inside my own head, but this time it was different. It was a woman's voice, one of my only (and to this day) greatest friends. She only said a few words.

"Stop. What do you think I'd think?"

Which is why to this day, I have never attempted to take my own life. Yes, any suffering would be over but the people I would leave behind would suffer. I didn't realize it at the time because I didn't understand and I was emotional enough already but I had feelings for this person, which sadly I have never been able to express.
 
Yes. Lack of courage and the police (one time) is what stopped me. The religious convictions of a minority still infringe upon the civil liberties of everyone else, where I live.
 
I do sometimes, tbh. Only when thinking about the future. I just don't know if I'll love up to the expectations I have for myself. I want to be someone financially secure. Maybe even rich. Definitely of great social standing, down the line. A politician or community activist of some sort.

College, especially, scares me. I hate the idea of being bled dry for a useless degree and moving back in with my parents at age 28. Debt ridden and penniless. I might end it, if it ever came to that. I think I'm stronger than that, and generally against the idea of suicide though. We'll see, I guess.

Though I see myself sneaking off to some secluded island and living away from the modern world before it comes to that.
 
Yeah I've thought about it too. When I was in college in the '70s I thought about it a lot but figured giving up in my twenties was too soon. So I persuaded myself out of it by walking out on the ledge of the top story at a multi-level parking lot....at night when there was some privacy and no busybodies to see me and call 911. I'd stand right on the edge, six stories up and visualize myself jumping, falling and hitting the pavement. Sometimes I'd drop something and watch it fall, a piece of fruit, maybe a beer bottle. If that wasn't enough to dissuade me, I'd turn my back to the edge, that always seemed scarier for some reason. If that wasn't enough I'd walk over to the corner of the building and stand with my back to that: 270 degrees of drop around and behind me with 90 degrees of safety in front of me. Eventually I'd change my mind about jumping. By the way, it was a wide ledge, about 3 feet.....I could just climb over a waist high wall and there was the ledge. I must have done this more than a dozen times over a 5 year period.

Lately, now that I'm in the afternoon of my life, I don't enjoy living any more now than I did then, but I haven't been through this honeysuckle for this long to quit now. Besides, I'm old enough to have witnessed historical changes happen and it's interesting to see what's going to happen in the world next.
 
Believe me, I have 2 different means of doing it, both of them fast-acting and irreversible.

But then nobody else is going to write and publish all these books, care for my cat, and prove that asexuals who need love can come out of the closet and succeed at finding love.

Your success really IS the best revenge, because it can be harder than hell for the trolls to rip it down. :D
 
Because I blew it once already! Well, it was over 30 years ago. But I can tell you, that experience, and the fallout left behind continues to haunt me every single day. Every single action I take, or do not act upon seems to be a life-long punishment lesson.
Do I still think about heading for the self-check out line? You bet. Will I?? I don't know. I don't accept permanent defeat too well, haha!
 
No. I have definitely gone through periods of hating my life and who I had turned out to be. But it was never enough to go all the way. When I was in this office job, I was probably feeling the least mentally healthy. I HATED the life I was forced to wake up to every day. I was definitely tired of living, but I remember distinctly feeling that I didn't want to die either. I didn't want to give up if I even had a sliver of a chance that things would get better someday, and I didn't want to throw my life away because your life is really all you have. We don't know if anything comes after this or not, so I tend not to want to give up on it.
 
I have ideations from time to time. I'm trying to change myself for the better but it's become so hard to grasp simple concepts that would normally come naturally for others. I am not ready to die but I don't want to be stuck as I am for 36 more yearsor worse. That's when the suicidal thoughts enter my head.
 
Never wanted to kill myself.

Want to see what the future got in store for me(i am only 18)

but life is quite horrible at the moment....
 
I think about it quite alot.......my daughter tryed a few years ago.
She is the only reason i don't.
 
*raises hand* The scary part is not knowing what's stopping you. Of having everything set up, and then just not doing it. Of being okay with death, and wanting to die, but just not going through with it. I could kill myself tonight and people would only be affected positively. So why am I still here?
 

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