Is online dating really that difficult for average guys?

[BeyondShy]

I noticed that it really depends on the areas - in some cities there are way more women than men, and quality women too.

Please provide locations and directions on how to get there.

 

[matt4]

Yes, I'd like to know of cities where there are more women then men. Possibly in the UK?

I messaged a girl and low and behold got a response and like back from her. Sent her a response which she read but probably dropped off to sleep now. She didn't reply to it. Hope it doesnt run cold, she noted our similarities so thats good I guess.

I think online dating is just difficult in general. A lot of people on there are just looking for acceptance or confirmation (that they are good looking). Some are even looking for things like sparks that are from movies and romance novels. Meaning women in particular don't really want to take the time to know you if that first message isn't a banger, you don't have things in common, and don't hit it off right away. They seem to forget they have to know someone first, but things like looks and sparks are more appealing to most people on the sites. They will never find true happiness because they will overlook the most crucial stage. The getting to know.

 

[Batman55]

I don't think it's bugged. The few truly standout guys get all of the matches. I'm not picky at all on there and I almost never get a match. I was able to get more matches when using fake pics :/

If Tinder is really like this why do so many men recommend it?

It's not "just" standout guys recommending it either. I mean if it's as you suggest and only 1 in 200 guys, or something like that, are hoarding all the matches... I don't think it would have good word of mouth.

Maybe a lot of it comes down to luck or the kind of area you live in?

 

[Everydaystruggle33]

These dating apps are absolutely soul-crushing unless you're incredibly good-looking, get lucky, or have an incredible confidence to make it through all the rejection.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I don't think it's bugged. The few truly standout guys get all of the matches. I'm not picky at all on there and I almost never get a match. I was able to get more matches when using fake pics :/

I dunno. I've had notifications a couple of times now that say "You have a new Match Message!" and then when I check there's nothing at all. Which seems weird.

Plus I had to reinstall the app about 4 times just to get it to find matches in my area.

Blergh. I certainly wouldn't recommend it anyway :club:

 

[kamya]

I don't think it's bugged. The few truly standout guys get all of the matches. I'm not picky at all on there and I almost never get a match. I was able to get more matches when using fake pics :/

If Tinder is really like this why do so many men recommend it?

It's not "just" standout guys recommending it either. I mean if it's as you suggest and only 1 in 200 guys, or something like that, are hoarding all the matches... I don't think it would have good word of mouth.

Maybe a lot of it comes down to luck or the kind of area you live in?

It could be luck and location. I would probably have a lot better luck in a place like Chicago or something. Or maybe I'm just really not that good looking.

 

[Skid Row 89]

Did anyone else see this article? First thing that springs to my mind now when someone mentions online dating and it makes me laugh every time:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...ile-pic-is-just-his-bank-balance-9735364.html

 

[blackdot]

I'm an average guy (or maybe below average) and I find meeting people on dating sites is easy. It's getting them to meet again that is difficult.

 

[matt4]

Well, I had a message out the blue from a hottie on okcupid yesterday. Said she liked my profile and was saying hi. I been getting messages from women (they message first) since I rewrote my profile. Intelligence, and someone who it appears could have any woman appears to have done the trick. All through clever use of language.. self-efficacy.

Yet to have a date in a while from okcupid. So, I won't get my hopes up until one happens. They need to occur more frequently for me with the amount of time I have invested.

 

[Batman55]

Well, I had a message out the blue from a hottie on okcupid yesterday. Said she liked my profile and was saying hi. I been getting messages from women (they message first) since I rewrote my profile. Intelligence, and someone who it appears could have any woman appears to have done the trick. All through clever use of language.. self-efficacy.

Padding your stats a little.. exaggerating your good points... writing in a clever way... can sometimes work wonders. Seems like you just discovered this. It's the way to go. No shame in it as long as you aren't outright lying. Pretty much everyone does this in some form or other, anyway.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'm an average guy (or maybe below average) and I find meeting people on dating sites is easy. It's getting them to meet again that is difficult.

Good God, man, share the secret with me!

I uploaded a photogenic (and to be honest, slightly gigolo-y) photo of me working outside in skimpy clothing on my profile the other day.

Surprisingly/depressingly, this apparently worked wonders and I had two short conversations and a bunch of profile views after almost nothing for about two solid months

I did a little spy work today and briefly looked at dude's profiles around my area just to see what my "competition" is like. Almost all of them were pulling weird faces or taking mirror photos of their bare torsos, as well as one-sentence bios.

So I'm not sure if that means I'll get lots of attention by comparison, or maybe my thought-out bio and normal pics are just too bland o_0

 

[Batman55]

I did a little spy work today and briefly looked at dude's profiles around my area just to see what my "competition" is like. Almost all of them were pulling weird faces or taking mirror photos of their bare torsos, as well as one-sentence bios.

That's really what women want to see?

Most of the time in forums the women say they don't want to see shirtless men.

And then this "making funny faces" business is utterly needless, it just distorts the face in an unattractive way. In fact I absolutely *hate* it when I see a woman's profile with a funny face. I can't fathom why this should be a trend. Is it just "everyone's doing it"..? What a pathetic reason.

 

[BeyondShy]

And then this "making funny faces" business is utterly needless, it just distorts the face in an unattractive way. In fact I absolutely *hate* it when I see a woman's profile with a funny face. I can't fathom why this should be a trend. Is it just "everyone's doing it"..? What a pathetic reason.

That's the reason why people do most things. Everyone's on Facebook so I better do the same thing. One funny picture means a lot of people will follow suit.

 

[Aisha]

And then this "making funny faces" business is utterly needless, it just distorts the face in an unattractive way. In fact I absolutely *hate* it when I see a woman's profile with a funny face. I can't fathom why this should be a trend. Is it just "everyone's doing it"..? What a pathetic reason.

That's the reason why people do most things. Everyone's on Facebook so I better do the same thing. One funny picture means a lot of people will follow suit.

Not sure why people don't just smile. Smiling is easy, it's pleasant, it's attractive, it's welcoming. Most people like others who laugh and smile honestly and readily. What's not to like?

 

[Paraiyar]

And for all these "experiments" people are doing for dating sites, if you want a more honest one, you should chat up 20 girls on a dating site and then do the same IRL.

I wouldn't have the nerve or know what to say to start a conversation without looking like an idiot IRL.

Just ask them "How's it going?" I've had really desirable girls react well to this so if any of them react badly when you ask then this then the problem is with them. And even if you do end up looking like an idiot (which you can't just from saying that) then so what? No one will remember in a week except for you.

Even the guys who do the best with girls get rejected sometimes, they just don't let it bother them.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Dating is hard for everyone, depends on what point of view you're looking at the situation.

 

[Phaedron]

Yes, because you're competing with every other man. In the past women had to choose from the guys in her village, and were shamed if they didn't stay married with the one guy. These days it is normal for everyone to be a slut, and women will, at any given time, have tons of male followers, friends, and specimens to choose from. The future of all dating sites is going to be men join free. Some are already like this. Don't pay for any site, some of them, especially sex sites, just recycle fake pictures for fake free trails to try and prove you are getting attention, and then when you pay, then all prove to be fake.

*video removed*

 

[Batman55]

Yes, because you're competing with every other man. In the past women had to choose from the guys in her village, and were shamed if they didn't stay married with the one guy. These days it is normal for everyone to be a slut, and women will, at any given time, have tons of male followers, friends, and specimens to choose from. The future of all dating sites is going to be men join free. Some are already like this. Don't pay for any site, some of them, especially sex sites, just recycle fake pictures for fake free trails to try and prove you are getting attention, and then when you pay, then all prove to be fake.

...

Incorrect, getting girls from online dating sites is easy. Most of these women are not very demanding.

Guys with a boring life, average looks, crappy/no job, no social circle, and few prospects have gotten dates on online dating sites. It's not a rare occurrence; it may not be common, but so what, just means you have to cast a wider net, send out more messages.