Is online dating really that difficult for average guys?

[BeyondShy]

I always like the bullshit lines women give. Here are my personal favorites.
"Any woman would be lucky to have a guy like you" Except the woman you are interested in of course.
"You're a really nice guy"
"You're just a cuddly teddy bear" She's telling you you're fat and have no chance in hell.
Don't women know that most men these days know what these lines mean? I would always call them out on hit. I hope it made them feel like honeysuckle and made them see the shallow person they really are. Just be honest, it won't hurt. Guys like me appreciate brutal honesty.

Good for you! Nothing like defending yourself. Honesty is always better.

 

[Peaches]

"Any woman would be lucky to have a guy like you" Except the woman you are interested in of course.
"You're a really nice guy"
"You're just a cuddly teddy bear" She's telling you you're fat and have no chance in hell.

cuddly teddy bear is harsh

 

[Solivagant]

Online dating is difficult for the average woman as well.

lulz.

Oh goody, another thread where frustrated men can rag on women.

 

[Wanderer145]

It's bloody difficult without the right picture. I realised recently that my profile pictures are of me travelling and don't have a close up picture of my face. Even then though what's the point? I'm not a godly looking human specimen which is what some of the women on these sites want. I normally skip over those and find people who want to connect, but even they just get bored or never reply after a few messages. I have given up on those sites as I got one maybe two women I talked to which eventually petered out into nothing.

It's incredibly frustrating to here people get dates off those sites and some have even met their future spouses off them. Don't know how they do it.

It's annoying when you like who you are and people don't seem to like that. I don't think changing who you come across as on dating sites will result in anything other than yourself being deemed a fake. If you're being yourself on these sites and that doesn't set off a single spark..is it something wrong with you or is narcissism blanketing some of these people's perception of you?

 

[LonelySutton]

It's bloody difficult without the right picture. I realised recently that my profile pictures are of me travelling and don't have a close up picture of my face. Even then though what's the point?

That was a pet peeve of mine when I was doing it. It wasn't that I needed to see the face so much as it was it seemed sketchy to not post a photo where I could see the face. Could you do a selfie? I did that.

Also, I hated photos that were partially nude. NEVER do that.

I also hated photos that had another woman in them.

I also hated photos with a beer or drinking in it.

Your overwhelmed with a lot of candidates on there so you have to use some guidelines to eliminate.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Personally, like with real life, it depends on how much you put into it and what you go in expecting to get out of it.

It's not some magical place where what you want to happen is guaranteed to happen. You may or may not get any results, just like asking for someone to talk to here may or may not get you someone to PM with. Or even asking someone to help you IRL, they may or may not do it. Nothing is guaranteed. What you want to happen won't always happen. Dating sites are a nice resource to use, but it really depends on your attitude and how you approach it.

And for all these "experiments" people are doing for dating sites, if you want a more honest one, you should chat up 20 girls on a dating site and then do the same IRL.

 

[LonelySutton]

A friend of mine, who is moderately pretty, just like decided a few years ago she was going to get married. As if she was going to go to grad school or something. She went to work on it like a job and found a great guy that loves her and, within 6 months he proposed. They are now married.

She really blew me away. BTW, her boyfriend is not exactly a looker.

Really made me think about my status.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I found little reward in online dating. I've used my best photos in the past and just tried being myself over exaggerating on my profile. For the dozens of times I tried, I actually got two dates. The first lady, I met of an online site was pretty cool. We went on a few dates and even connected well in some areas. However, she had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship with her abusive boyfriend and was just starting to get her life back together. She had to work a lot plus, reconnect with her family, so after the first three dates, we both moved on. It was shame too because, she was a great kisser.

The second lady, I met was on Okcupid, and we ended up going on a date and hooking up later on. I didnt want things going down that route but, it just happened. I realized that, while, some people claim they are "looking for a relationship", they really just want sex.

Now, even though it may happen every two to three years, sometimes I do get approached by women. I've gotten more dates by, being indifferent or just being myself in the situation than, I have meeting ladies over the internet. Its harder with women, Im attracted to because, I get anxious and finding myself trying to please them. However, one time a lady came on to me and I already felt there was no chance in hell with her, so I just remained indifferent. Perhaps, she liked the fact there was an "Average guy" who wasent falling for her so easily. We went on a date but, it never went past that.

So, I'd lean towards meeting someone in real life than online. The only real issue I come across in real life, is I always meet women that, are already in long term relationships. I'm not sure if, its because, I live in small county or what not.

acting indifferent is an interesting idea.

I have tried everything. Women don't ever approach me.
The only women I talk to is at work when they come to my till to get served. Basically they don't have much choice, they need to pay for their stuff and I am on the till. I think that's why I enjoy it. I get to chat with women, who in other circumstances wouldn't bother to talk to me.

We do have self scans tills though and I have noticed younger women, when they have a choice between me and a self scan, they mostly choose the self scans. It's quite interesting, when they isn't a queue and I am stood there and they approach and in that split second, they choose the self scans till rather than interact with me.

On the plus side, the guys who want to talk about football come to my till and the little old ladies who want a chat. So it isn't all bad !

I can relate to your situation. I worked at a grocery store and all sorts of women came in day in and day out. It was Japanese grocery store so, some of customers didnt speak english but, luckily for me I took a course in high school and that impressed alot of my customers, Americans and Japanese. More often than not I got overlooked by the "attractive" people regardless of what I spoke and who I was talking to. Alot of my favorite customers, where older people or customers who want to language exchange. I think at the most I got maybe three dates from working there, one lady even paid for the meal while, i went to use the restroom. I got back with my card and she was like "TOO LATE "

One day, this girl I was really sweet on came into store. It was love at first site and I didnt care if I was gonna fail or not, I was going to talk to that woman! She came back more often than, and we even went all sorts of places together. I still care for her alot, but, we will never be anything more than friends.

I think its when, I "tried" i failed but, when I made the attempt to get to know people outside of "liking" them I succeeded. So, wouldnt say its "acting" more so, just trying to get to know someone. As for the lady, I met in a previous post, she iniated almost every thing and slowly I grew comfortable with the fact, that I was on a date with a really attractive lady.

Don't give up, even when you think you have no chance, you have to remember that, for however, well your intentions are, nothing is promised and so, you have to keep going. People are not entitled to treat you fair even though, you've treated them fairly. Hope that helps.

Nice post !

I have my favourite women customers. I do chat them up a bit, give them some cheeky lines. I enjoy it. Nothing has ever come of it though. No dates or meetings outside of work.

---

Personally, like with real life, it depends on how much you put into it and what you go in expecting to get out of it.

It's not some magical place where what you want to happen is guaranteed to happen. You may or may not get any results, just like asking for someone to talk to here may or may not get you someone to PM with. Or even asking someone to help you IRL, they may or may not do it. Nothing is guaranteed. What you want to happen won't always happen. Dating sites are a nice resource to use, but it really depends on your attitude and how you approach it.

And for all these "experiments" people are doing for dating sites, if you want a more honest one, you should chat up 20 girls on a dating site and then do the same IRL.

There is nothing 'nice' about dating sites !

 

[DaleEvans89]

I found little reward in online dating. I've used my best photos in the past and just tried being myself over exaggerating on my profile. For the dozens of times I tried, I actually got two dates. The first lady, I met of an online site was pretty cool. We went on a few dates and even connected well in some areas. However, she had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship with her abusive boyfriend and was just starting to get her life back together. She had to work a lot plus, reconnect with her family, so after the first three dates, we both moved on. It was shame too because, she was a great kisser.

The second lady, I met was on Okcupid, and we ended up going on a date and hooking up later on. I didnt want things going down that route but, it just happened. I realized that, while, some people claim they are "looking for a relationship", they really just want sex.

Now, even though it may happen every two to three years, sometimes I do get approached by women. I've gotten more dates by, being indifferent or just being myself in the situation than, I have meeting ladies over the internet. Its harder with women, Im attracted to because, I get anxious and finding myself trying to please them. However, one time a lady came on to me and I already felt there was no chance in hell with her, so I just remained indifferent. Perhaps, she liked the fact there was an "Average guy" who wasent falling for her so easily. We went on a date but, it never went past that.

So, I'd lean towards meeting someone in real life than online. The only real issue I come across in real life, is I always meet women that, are already in long term relationships. I'm not sure if, its because, I live in small county or what not.

hhahahaha, you go, little dude! You have already had a LOT more success than the vast majority of guys on these ForeverAlone type message boards. Hooking up with OkCupid hotties who just want to your fuckbuddy, getting approached by hotties in real life who are turned on by your "indifference." Why the hell are you on a lonelylife??!! Sounds like the ladies really dig you, man. Me, TripleBogey and Ardour should take lessons from you!!!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why the hell are you on a lonelylife??!! Sounds like the ladies really dig you, man.

You can be lonely and get attention from the opposite sex. Being in a relationship does not mean you aren't still lonely.

 

[DaleEvans89]

Why the hell are you on a lonelylife??!! Sounds like the ladies really dig you, man.

You can be lonely and get attention from the opposite sex. Being in a relationship does not mean you aren't still lonely.

lol, yeah. Last time I told an orphan from Somalia that I was "starving" and he laughed at me, I should have just responded by saying, "what? just because I have food to eat, doesn't mean I can't ***** about starvation! Sure, I have plenty of options, but damnit, it's NOT the type of good I WANT to eat, so our situations are actually quite similar, you dig? In fact they are one and the same....take this cheap hamburger I am eating right now, for instance...I would much rather have steak, ergo I am starving for steak right now...you dig, little man?!"

I wonder how he and his distended belly would have responded to that as he swatted away the flies (and vultures) which followed his little body everywhere.....hmmm......

Having food to eat doesn't mean you still aren't starving.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why the hell are you on a lonelylife??!! Sounds like the ladies really dig you, man.

You can be lonely and get attention from the opposite sex. Being in a relationship does not mean you aren't still lonely.

lol, yeah. Last time I told an orphan from Somalia that I was "starving" and he laughed at me, I should have just responded by saying, "what? just because I have food to eat, doesn't mean I can't ***** about starvation! Sure, I have plenty of options, but damnit, it's NOT the type of good I WANT to eat, so our situations are actually quite similar, you dig? In fact they are one and the same....take this cheap hamburger I am eating right now, for instance...I would much rather have steak, ergo I am starving for steak right now...you dig, little man?!"

I wonder how he and his distended belly would have responded to that as he swatted away the flies (and vultures) which followed his little body everywhere.....hmmm......

Having food to eat doesn't mean you still aren't starving.

Um no, you are CRAVING something, that is nowhere near the same as starving. You WANT something you don't have, that's not starvation, that is WANT.

 

[Stonely]

It's true. There are more men than women on dating sites. Furthermore, online dating is based on looks strictly since you can't judge personality.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I have a hard time being indifferent around girls that I like. I always get enthusiastic and talkative, because we have things to talk about and I sincerely am eager to hear their thoughts. I've never understood the "indifferent" approach. I don't see how it is advantageous to fake disinterest in someone you are interested in. How are you supposed to let the one you want know that you like them if you're just acting indifferent to them? It's like trying to have a conversation with someone by NOT talking to the person. I get that it is supposed to be "mysterious" and that it has some kind of appeal but it doesn't make logical sense to me. I would assume that acting indifferent would only get you overlooked because they assume you're not interested.

 

[Sci-Fi]

hhahahaha, you go, little dude! You have already had a LOT more success than the vast majority of guys on these ForeverAlone type message boards. Hooking up with OkCupid hotties who just want to your fuckbuddy, getting approached by hotties in real life who are turned on by your "indifference." Why the hell are you on a lonelylife??!! Sounds like the ladies really dig you, man. Me, TripleBogey and Ardour should take lessons from you!!!

And you're not supposed to be here. Oh and stop making accounts, the list is getting very long. You'd think after all the times your numerous accounts you created have been banned you'd get the hint.

 

[there is no hope]

Yes. Yes it is.
It can be easier but most of those solutions involve just not having too much hope, and a lack of enthusiasm / willingness to play bullshit will turn off a large number of people. The reasons why are generally different for men and women - men just get rejected all of the time, women are expected to put out for men and have to put up with the occasional man who is so ruined by society that he will never be able to have a substantial relationship (like me).

I know society conditions people to treat people outside of their social circles with utter contempt, but it is possible to speak to people you have little in common with. Forget about shared hobbies and stupid crap like that, that's not important and in any worthwhile relationship two people (or more than two people if that's your thing) will need to live their own life. I suppose that's just my upbringing and preference to avoid social groupings over stupid crap.

It sure helps to be physically attractive, socially successful (which usually implies financial success, but you don't need that much money to get started), and have a home where you can invite women without too much awkwardness if you can get to that stage. Just bear in mind a lot of the women on these sites are just screwing around for shits and giggles, or have some honeysuckle of their own, and a lot of women are just not worth the annoyance.

Also, if you have a bias against single mothers, it would help to let go of that. I know the tropes associated with women looking for financial/emotional support, but both of my brothers went that route and aren't getting horribly screwed as far as I know. They seem to like it just fine.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

And for all these "experiments" people are doing for dating sites, if you want a more honest one, you should chat up 20 girls on a dating site and then do the same IRL.

I wouldn't have the nerve or know what to say to start a conversation without looking like an idiot IRL.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I got an new phone and decided to give out of interest Tinder a try. Few of my friends have used it and gotten dates out of it. I didn't expect much, maybe few people would be into me. I "liked" everyone basicly who seemed nice enough and I wasn't overly picky about their looks. Basicly the idea was if that person would ask me out/be into me would I say yes for a date was the principle.

The result has been very disappointing. After liking so many women, I have gotten zero matches. Right now I'm contemplating just uninstalling the **** thing, because it kinda makes me feel like honeysuckle. I know I'm definietly not the most attractive guy out there, but I know I'm better than this. Real world where you could show your personality/charm aswell would seem to be the better way to find someone as far as my experiences go.

If it makes you feel better, I've found Tinder is a really buggy piece of crap so far (on Android at least). I've heard that even if you change your pics to a supermodel, sometimes you'll just get 0 matches for ages because the matching system is messed up.

I've also just tried "liking" everyone for a bunch of swipes, including people who I'd normally not be interested in physically, and even people who are much older than me and seem horribly desperate for "anyone" don't match with me. Which means I'm either a hideous gargoyle (possible ) or the system is rubbish.

I've only had 2 matches so far, but both of them popped up at the same time, so I'm suspicious that something is "blocking" my matches :\

I still feel like I demean myself using it. I'm trying it because a friend recommended it, but even so...I don't want casual sex. I also don't want to judge people purely on some BS photos and selfies.

Yet the alternatives have never worked for me, and my life is stupidly busy. So here I am using something that essentially epitomises everything wrong with Western culture :s

 

[kamya]

I got an new phone and decided to give out of interest Tinder a try. Few of my friends have used it and gotten dates out of it. I didn't expect much, maybe few people would be into me. I "liked" everyone basicly who seemed nice enough and I wasn't overly picky about their looks. Basicly the idea was if that person would ask me out/be into me would I say yes for a date was the principle.

The result has been very disappointing. After liking so many women, I have gotten zero matches. Right now I'm contemplating just uninstalling the **** thing, because it kinda makes me feel like honeysuckle. I know I'm definietly not the most attractive guy out there, but I know I'm better than this. Real world where you could show your personality/charm aswell would seem to be the better way to find someone as far as my experiences go.

If it makes you feel better, I've found Tinder is a really buggy piece of crap so far (on Android at least). I've heard that even if you change your pics to a supermodel, sometimes you'll just get 0 matches for ages because the matching system is messed up.

I've also just tried "liking" everyone for a bunch of swipes, including people who I'd normally not be interested in physically, and even people who are much older than me and seem horribly desperate for "anyone" don't match with me. Which means I'm either a hideous gargoyle (possible ) or the system is rubbish.

I've only had 2 matches so far, but both of them popped up at the same time, so I'm suspicious that something is "blocking" my matches :\

I still feel like I demean myself using it. I'm trying it because a friend recommended it, but even so...I don't want casual sex. I also don't want to judge people purely on some BS photos and selfies.

Yet the alternatives have never worked for me, and my life is stupidly busy. So here I am using something that essentially epitomises everything wrong with Western culture :s

I don't think it's bugged. The few truly standout guys get all of the matches. I'm not picky at all on there and I almost never get a match. I was able to get more matches when using fake pics :/

 

[Peaches]

It's true. There are more men than women on dating sites. Furthermore, online dating is based on looks strictly since you can't judge personality.

I noticed that it really depends on the areas - in some cities there are way more women than men, and quality women too.