On the bad boy and the nice guy.

[Papabear]

I've seen a lot of various threads throughout the internet, blogs, and live journals, websites, etc. etc..

These all talk about the bad boy, or why women go for the bad boy, why women go for "********". I've noticed the major difference between the nice guy and the bad boy is that the bad boy usually has a lot more confidence.

To give an example, when I was engaged I didn't care what any woman thought of me... I would go talk to girls trying to help out friends or something like that and came back with what could have been better prospects for myself... my confidence (because I just didn't care) seemed to have a profound effect.

I don't think most women are looking for the bad boy, but that confidence is attractive to many. If you can pull that off as a nice guy then you will increase your chances dramatically. Bad boys pull it off because they just don't care about the women either.

My advice on building that confidence is to talk to every woman, and stop considering everyone for a potential date. Why would you get so nervous about talking to a beautiful woman if you don't really know you want to date her (or are you back to entirely judging by looks?). Talking to enough women will eventually get you comfortable enough to be confident in a situation so that when you do start talking to one and you go, "oh honeysuckle, this girl is great" you'll have been attractive enough to her to still be in the game.

Sitting in the back will never get you noticed, and you can't change things (like a woman already being engaged, or just not physically attracted to you), this stuff happens... and do you really want someone that doesn't completely want you? But a great personality will go a lot farther with a real woman (read: not a little girl) than good looks will.

To add... Most women I've talked to want a nice guy... not a push over.

edit: to clarify - while you don't want to treat every woman as a potential, when you find one you like you are probably still going to have to make a move of some sort.

 

[Hijacc]

Yeah agurd You know what I like your personality
Therfore you get a:

Papabear is cool guy and doesnt afraid of anything badge.

Yaaaaay (depressed sounding guy)

 

[Naleena]

It's really nice to see someone with a positive attitude. As painful as it is sometimes, we all have to get of our bums and make an effort to change what we don't like in our lives. It means taking risks and doing things that take us out of our comfort zone. It's never easy but, it is worth it.

I totally agree with the comment about confidence. A confident man isn't going to let anyone run over him or change him. He stands up for what he believes in and he respects himself. He is brave, if you will. There is a certain feeling of safety and trust in that. If a man can stand up for himself, then he is capable of standing up for me; if I ever need him.

As far as the traditional "bad boys" go, doesn't matter how much pseudo-confidence they exude or what they look like, the fact that they don't care how they treat others is a real turn off. IMHO, unlike the confident man who stands up for himself, these men only look out for themselves. Romantically, I wouldn't give those type of men the time of day.

Good post , Papa Bear

 

[Drake]

Why would I be confident when I'm fat, ugly and stupid :\

 

[Sanal]

1. you are not that fat

2. you arent ugly (like i told you i m still jealous of that green tshirt foto where you look like decaprio)

3. you are defenitely not stupid

so why should you be confident? atleast with the decaprio looks

 

[SighX99]

To give an example, when I was engaged I didn't care what any woman thought of me... I would go talk to girls trying to help out friends or something like that and came back with what could have been better prospects for myself... my confidence (because I just didn't care) seemed to have a profound effect.

I don't think most women are looking for the bad boy, but that confidence is attractive to many. If you can pull that off as a nice guy then you will increase your chances dramatically. Bad boys pull it off because they just don't care about the women either.

My advice on building that confidence is to talk to every woman, and stop considering everyone for a potential date. Why would you get so nervous about talking to a beautiful woman if you don't really know you want to date her (or are you back to entirely judging by looks?). Talking to enough women will eventually get you comfortable enough to be confident in a situation so that when you do start talking to one and you go, "oh honeysuckle, this girl is great" you'll have been attractive enough to her to still be in the game.

To add... Most women I've talked to want a nice guy... not a push over.

i did that a lot. talk to alot of girls and not considering them as potential mates. and nothing ever fuckin happens... i do get the confidence boost and all that, but NOTHING EVERY FUCKIN HAPPENS...its great.

 

[Papabear]

Drake - You aren't fat or ugly and I'm sure you aren't stupid. You need to develop confidence in yourself. Think of the things you are good at, the things that you are good for. I think you sound like a really great guy who has just been a bit down on his luck in life.

I personally think I'm fugly, but I'm still confident. I'm confident because I'm intelligent, funny, fun loving, active, caring, and supportive. I know that I will bring a lot to a relationship. I can't really change my physical appearance... nobody can, but playing to your strengths (and yes... you DO have them) is how you build confidence.

SighX99 - Sometimes this happens, you've just got to keep trying. Ok, now when you talk to these girls and you aren't considering them, when you find one you like (you don't have to consider it to find one you are interested in... nature is great about that one)... then you have to make a move. It doesn't take much but asking for a number or something will let her know you are interested. Don't give up man!

Hijac and Naleena: Thanks Guys!


I wanted to add to this. A friend of mine once told me to stop thinking you had to prove yourself to the woman... that she has to prove herself to you because YOU are a great person and you know that... you don't know anything about her.

 

[Drake]

I know, maybe a little stupid but I dont believe the rest either. I'm sorry I said that, I was just really down last night and I guess looking for attention, I do that some times. I appreciate you bieng so nice about it though zak and papa, means a lot.

 

[Papabear]

I know, maybe a little stupid but I dont believe the rest either. I'm sorry I said that, I was just really down last night and I guess looking for attention, I do that some times. I appreciate you bieng so nice about it though zak and papa, means a lot.

well hey, that's what this place is for... support. But i wouldn't lie either... I think you are a pretty good looking guy and I think you are probably very smart.

 

[NakitaKita]

About guys being bad or nice... it's actually very sexy to have someone who is both.

Very nice man when it comes to general , every day things and then its very very very sexy when he can switch into bad boy mode when it comes to sex ( when he gets kinky ).

 

[Papabear]

About guys being bad or nice... it's actually very sexy to have someone who is both.

Very nice man when it comes to general , every day things and then its very very very sexy when he can switch into bad boy mode when it comes to sex ( when he gets kinky ).

"Hi, my name is Justin, nice to meet you." *Sits down next to NikitaKita, slides close, and lowers his voice*"How you doin?" *wink*

 

[somedude]

If I could throw two cents into the whole badboy/niceguy discussion.

I think both are stupid. A badboy will act without respect, honor or morals in order to try to have a good time or be cool whereas a nice guy while smile and try to get along and please others even when he shouldn't.

While obviously my life isn't the greatest and I still suffer from loneliness at times (hence why I post here) I find that what has helped me is not trying to be either.

What I try to be is a good guy not a nice guy. What is the difference? A good guy does what is right. His actions are honest, respectful and well-meaning but not sycophantic or weak. A good guy doesn't try to hurt anyone or take advantage of anyone, but doesn't let anyone do the same to him. A good guy doesn't expect anything in return for his actions, just lives his life well because it's the right thing to do.

Yeah I know, might sound stupid but I've found this works better than trying to be the cocky badboy or the sweet nice guy.

 

[Chris 2]

hmm...Am I ugly? I don't even have friends. I could care less what rating I got on those rating site, the truth is maybe I don't have that much confidence to approach girls......

Maybe look don't matter much now that I think of it, at the end of the day your still lonely.

 

[Ando]

OK firstly girls do go for bad boys big time! But only becasue of their confidence.
Second, girls hate wusses
Thirdly, a girl will hardly ever ask a nice guy out or even hit on him, this dosnt mean they dont like you tho... just mean you must make the first move (sooner rather than lattter) or end up in the friend camp!

Andos advice = Be A man, but a gentleman, confidence is a must but do not apear cocky.... but joking about being cocky is good but they must know its a joke!

Girls let us know, do you like bad boys?

 

[Unacceptance]

About guys being bad or nice... it's actually very sexy to have someone who is both.

Very nice man when it comes to general , every day things and then its very very very sexy when he can switch into bad boy mode when it comes to sex ( when he gets kinky ).

Where did this paradigm come from that kinkiness is "bad" ?

 

[Punisher]

im a nice guy but i look like a bad boy. Where the hell do i fit in

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

This is what I've noticed about women and "bad boys"...

If someone seems even a little dangerous or exciting, they're instantly attractive. Take soldiers, for instance. Or policemen. Or firefighters. Jobs that put you in danger and the possibility of losing your life is attractive to women for some odd reason.

Take a computer geek like me, whose biggest problem is a PC crashing, or a database failing, and you get nowhere. Even musicians who don't have dangerous music are not noticed (that is, unless they are filthy rich.)

Just an observation.

 

[EveWasFramed]

This is what I've noticed about women and "bad boys"...

If someone seems even a little dangerous or exciting, they're instantly attractive. Take soldiers, for instance. Or policemen. Or firefighters. Jobs that put you in danger and the possibility of losing your life is attractive to women for some odd reason.

Take a computer geek like me, whose biggest problem is a PC crashing, or a database failing, and you get nowhere. Even musicians who don't have dangerous music are not noticed (that is, unless they are filthy rich.)

Jobs that put you in danger and the possibility of losing your life is attractive to women for some odd reason.

You think women LIKE the fact that someone they like or care about runs the risk of being hurt or killed at any moment?
Gee...ever think it might be the PERSONALITY of someone that the opposite sex finds attractive? *snorts* Of course not, based on your stated observations.

You also make the baseless assumption that women will only go for "filthy rich" musicians.

Also, I happen to LIKE intelligent men - doesn't matter if it's someone who is computer savvy, a "geek", a "dork" a fire fighter, a construction worker, a teacher, a miner....intelligence is ADMIRED, no matter what "clasification" people have labeled them with.

Could you POSSIBLY be any more insulting?

Just an observation.

A poor one. Why would you resurrect a thread that's three and a half years old and make such shameless statements?

 

[Moe'sTavern]

This is what I've noticed about women and "bad boys"...

If someone seems even a little dangerous or exciting, they're instantly attractive. Take soldiers, for instance. Or policemen. Or firefighters. Jobs that put you in danger and the possibility of losing your life is attractive to women for some odd reason.

Take a computer geek like me, whose biggest problem is a PC crashing, or a database failing, and you get nowhere. Even musicians who don't have dangerous music are not noticed (that is, unless they are filthy rich.)

Jobs that put you in danger and the possibility of losing your life is attractive to women for some odd reason.

You think women LIKE the fact that someone they like or care about runs the risk of being hurt or killed at any moment?
Gee...ever think it might be the PERSONALITY of someone that the opposite sex finds attractive? *snorts* Of course not, based on your stated observations.

You also make the baseless assumption that women will only go for "filthy rich" musicians.

Also, I happen to LIKE intelligent men - doesn't matter if it's someone who is computer savvy, a "geek", a "dork" a fire fighter, a construction worker, a teacher, a miner....intelligence is ADMIRED, no matter what "clasification" people have labeled them with.

Could you POSSIBLY be any more insulting?

Just an observation.

A poor one. Why would you resurrect a thread that's three and a half years old and make such shameless statements?

A shameless attempt to make himself feel better I imagine.

 

[perfanoff]

Muse I have a question for you: why don't you join one of these uniformed jobs then? Since you believe women will like you for that? Or does it take something that you don't have?