Not attracted to women my age

[TheSkaFish]

So you're saying that aside from registering the person as female, appearances should become entirely irrelevant and the emotional/intellectual appreciation takes over.

Like I said, you're a better person. I can't meet that purity standard.

It's not that looks are entirely irrelevant, no.

I'm just saying it shouldn't be the only factor, or the biggest factor. It's just taken more of a backseat to personality.

I realized that a relationship with a hot woman, would get old fast if we had nothing to talk about, or if I just couldn't really care that much about them as a person - or if I actually found them physically hot, but emotionally cold, and dislikeable, which is often the case with people with the Darwinian mindset.

 

[okidoke]

So you're saying that aside from registering the person as female, appearances should become entirely irrelevant and the emotional/intellectual appreciation takes over.

Like I said, you're a better person. I can't meet that purity standard.

“Can” become irrelevant. It takes time though to come to the realisation that the other person has a quality that has grown on you.

 

[user 139760]

...Can this thread be locked? I regret making it and it's embarrassing having this continually appear at the top of the latest post list.

You can pm Minus ir Sci if you want to. But, if there's still people comnenting though, it's because they find some value in it, mind you.

 

[ardour]

It's not that looks are entirely irrelevant, no.

I'm just saying it shouldn't be the only factor, or the biggest factor. It's just taken more of a backseat to personality.

I realized that a relationship with a hot woman, would get old fast if we had nothing to talk about, or if I just couldn't really care that much about them as a person - or if I actually found them physically hot, but emotionally cold, and dislikeable, which is often the case with people with the Darwinian mindset.

That doesn't work because if you can't find someone sexually attractive first as a minimum prerequisite you're appreciation for them will only be as a friend. So it's still a necessity whether or not it takes a back seat later on.

You're asking a lot. Nobody says to two 25 year old's "you should appreciate each on other on the emotional level with the physical side a minor factor." We just accept that physical attraction is normal for people around that age. But because we're older we're meant to have evolved beyond that, meet this higher bar, seek a companion without any need of it. I can't do it, sorry. And I wouldn't expect it from a woman either. (I'd be rather insulted if she admitted she liked me exclusively for my personality.)

 

[okidoke]

That doesn't work because if you can't find someone sexually attractive first as a minimum prerequisite you'll always appreciate them as a friend. So it's still a necessity whether or not it takes a back seat later on.

You're asking a lot. Nobody says to two 25 year old's "you should appreciate each on other on the emotional level with the physical side a minor factor." We just accept that physical attraction is normal for people around that age. But because we're older, we're meant to evolved beyond that and meet a higher bar and seek a companion without any need for that. I can't do it, sorry. And I wouldn't expect it from a woman either. (I'd be rather insulted if she admitted she liked me for my personality only.).

Not right man, because your feelings change along the way, it can at least

 

[ardour]

Not right man, because your feelings change along the way, it can at least

So start a relationship with someone I feel no physical attraction to whatsoever in the hope some might develop along the way. Meanwhile people 15+ years younger are pairing up with people they find attractive (as is natural and accepted for them) but I'm a piece of sh*t for wanting this. Got it. And not going to happen.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Unsigned objectifies women, subjectively judging it, he would be torn apart for his opinions on a more populated forum. But honest question here: do you think you could date someone you felt zero initial attraction towards? Because that is the choice a lot of us older people are facing: try for someone hot, who would often be younger, or date someone with whom there is no attraction to whatsoever for the sake of companionship.

A lot of 40 + people, and I include men in this (particularly men imo) are unattractive slobs who no longer care about appearance, dressing well, sometimes even basic hygiene. It's all very well to talk about putting emotional connections ahead of appearances when you’re still young and attraction towards most of your peers can be assumed. That’s not my/our reality as we look around and see....how can I say it nicely... can't.. androgynous blobs who gave up on themselves years ago.

That’s not very nice is it? I’m a horrible person who deserves to be alone etc. But it’s also undeniable, looking around.

I have no idea how average people can pair up with a new partner at this age.

Yeah I feel like if you dont lie you get cancelled. But I wonder, sometimes do you think its revenge? Like its not that there isnt a 40 year old who looks great kept her body tight and is hot enough to turn you on, but if you admit it .. the rejection she gave men like you in her youth would never be avenged… you like to see her single and perhaps feeling what you once felt?

 

[okidoke]

So start a relationship with someone I feel no physical attraction to whatsoever in the hope some might develop along the way. Meanwhile people 15+ years younger are pairing up with people they find attractive (as is natural for them) but I'm a piece of sh*t for wanting this. Got it. And not going to happen.

No, I didn’t say that. Not a dating relationship anyway. A relationship where you just get to know the person and it develops an attraction for you because of other things. It’s just getting to know people better and realising that someone has a quality that you never realised before because you weren’t just brushing them off because they weren’t attractive physically. I’ve actually become attracted to someone over time exactly like that. I just got to know them better through interacting with them all the time.

 

[ardour]

No, I didn’t say that. Not a dating relationship anyway. A relationship where you just get to know the person and it develops an attraction for you because of other things. It’s just getting to know people better and realising that someone has a quality that you never realised before because you weren’t just brushing them off because they weren’t attractive physically. I’ve actually become attracted to someone over time exactly like that. I just got to know them better through interacting with them all the time.

I get to know women platonically and it hasn't happened that way yet, so I doubt it will. And why should I go through the mental gymnastics. To meet a higher bar than almost everyone else? Like some purity ethic that only applies to the older, the people who missed out.

I'm no instagram model, but I don't look like I can barely run, or like I'll die of liver disease in the next 10 years.

 

[okidoke]

I get to know women platonically and it hasn't happened that way yet, so I doubt it will. And why should I go through the mental gymnastics. To meet a higher bar than almost everyone else? Like some purity ethic that only applies to the older, the people who missed out.

I'm no model myself but I don't look I can barely run or like I'll die of liver disease in the next 10 years.

Yeah well it’s not going to just happen with every woman you meet lol. I’m just saying it can happen. But if you create a mental barrier because they’re not physically attractive, then it definitely won’t happen.

And stop comparing dude. You don’t know what those you envy are going through in those relationships. Life isn’t equal for sure. Life is better with some sort of hope that you can still get what you want one day in my opinion. As I’ve said, a change of scenery is what might be needed . When you’re living in a sewer, it stinks from every angle.

 

[ardour]

Yeah well it’s not going to just happen with every woman you meet lol. I’m just saying it can happen. But if you create a mental barrier because they’re not physically attractive, then it definitely won’t happen.

And stop comparing dude. You don’t know what those you envy are going through in those relationships. Life isn’t equal for sure. Life is better with some sort of hope that you can still get what you want one day in my opinion. As I’ve said, a change of scenery is what might be needed . When you’re living in a sewer, it stinks from every angle.

Stop being jealous of 99% of people who got to know what it's like to date when they weren't geriatrics. Instead, be giddy with anticipation at the thought of pairing up with an obese hard-drinking grandparent with a heart of gold.

...Give me a break.

 

[okidoke]

Stop being jealous of 99% of people who got to know what it's like to date when they weren't geriatrics. Instead, be giddy with anticipation at the thought of pairing up with an obese hard-drinking grandparent with a heart of gold.

...Give me a break.

You always have to talk extremes and generalise?

 

[insecure]

That doesn't work because if you can't find someone sexually attractive first as a minimum prerequisite you're appreciation for them will only be as a friend. So it's still a necessity whether or not it takes a back seat later on.

I think it is very natural to look at someone and see if they can be a sexual partner or not.
That is just the way we are built.
For the moment I am back to the African woman I was dating, she's very young in comparison (31 vs 54).
Of course, if all there is is sexual attraction or other motives (getting a permanent residence) then it won't last, you need to be able to talk to one another.
If this doesn't work out and I have to date women my age, it will be a lot harder to be physically attracted.
Of course, there are some women who are still attractive at 45-54, many of them are not.
To pretend it doesn't matter is simply wrong.
I have had a Spanish friend who I have known for many years, who is more in the same age range, and although she is very intelligent and we can talk about anything (we have different opinions on many subjects, but we do respect each others opinion), there is not much of a physical attraction.
So I find it hard to imagine becoming lovers.
This weekend I was invited to a female friend of my African girlfriend, and this woman said basically the same, that she often got proposals from men, but that she just didn't want to kiss them, she 'just didn't feel it'.
So I think men and women are not that different int hat respect, there has to be some physical attraction, doesn't mean they have to be a model, of course.

You're asking a lot. Nobody says to two 25 year old's "you should appreciate each on other on the emotional level with the physical side a minor factor." We just accept that physical attraction is normal for people around that age. But because we're older we're meant to have evolved beyond that, meet this higher bar, seek a companion without any need of it. I can't do it, sorry. And I wouldn't expect it from a woman either. (I'd be rather insulted if she admitted she liked me exclusively for my personality.)

Mere companionship seems more like something for when due to physical conditions, sexual intercourse is no longer possible.

 

[Unsigned]

Unsigned objectifies women, subjectively judging it, he would be torn apart for his opinions on a more populated forum.

Believe it or not, I was even torn apart on ROK, the defunct ultimate manosphere site. The feminists often logged in there en masse and they would insult and downvote me. Fun times! We used to call them "cat ladies". Not that I have anything against cats mind you. I love all of our fine furry friends.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sorry, but he's kind of adorable. lol No, seriously, he is....

 

[insecure]

Sorry, but he's kind of adorable. lol No, seriously, he is....

Obviously from that one site, called Plenty Of Fish.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You can pm Minus ir Sci if you want to. But, if there's still people comnenting though, it's because they find some value in it, mind you.

Usually, if the OP wants the thread closed, the mods will close it, if it's for a good reason. I mean, they aren't just going to go and close every thread asked if it does no harm, but threads like this, they usually will. At least before the change.....no clue about now.

 

[Unsigned]

Funny. This thread is how I discovered this site. I did a google search on something similar to the title and this site/thread was among the first returned. I believe it was where I left my first comment here as well.

 

[TheRealCallie]

That doesn't work because if you can't find someone sexually attractive first as a minimum prerequisite you're appreciation for them will only be as a friend. So it's still a necessity whether or not it takes a back seat later on.

You're asking a lot. Nobody says to two 25 year old's "you should appreciate each on other on the emotional level with the physical side a minor factor." We just accept that physical attraction is normal for people around that age. But because we're older we're meant to have evolved beyond that, meet this higher bar, seek a companion without any need of it. I can't do it, sorry. And I wouldn't expect it from a woman either. (I'd be rather insulted if she admitted she liked me exclusively for my personality.)

Personally, I would rather be liked for my personality, which is why I don't show myself that often. Get to know ME, not what I look like on the outside.

But, attraction isn't always instant. Sometimes it comes later. So let me ask you this....have you ever just tried to get to know someone better to see if it comes later? I'm not saying date them for a year or anything like that, but a few dates wouldn't hurt either one of you, would it?
Also, I'd like to ask you whether or not you think you've trained your brain to like certain people. The power of suggestion can go a lot way with human beings. So why not try to maybe see if you can't retrain your brain?
Keep in mind that I don't care if you are attracted to younger women. I don't see any problem with that at all. BUT, it kind of seems like YOU have a problem with it.

There are a lot of guys I think look nice. Like the whole "OMG, HE'S SO HOT" type crap or whatever and if I was into one night stands, I would likely go there with them, but let's be honest, just because I like The Starry Night doesn't mean I want it hanging on my wall. Some things are just nice to look at.

 

[insecure]

I think there are simply different things that can attract us in our possible partners.
You can see this even on Tinder, where some people list as "sapiosexual", for whom the intellectual part is more of a turn-on.
I think it is futile to try to convince someone to become sapiosexual if they are attracted physically first, or more in general, to change what they find attractive.