Hello everyone,
I've noticed that common advice given to romantically challenged men tends to fall under one of two categories:
Those who suggest the former tend to be the good guys, while those who suggest the latter tend to be the bad guys. Indeed, just being yourself can work in some cases. Maybe he's just too uptight, nervous, or fake around women. Indeed, in this case, maybe all he has to do is relax more.
But there is another class of men. Men who have something so fundamentally wrong with them that they have a better chance of being struck by lightning than finding a woman who likes them for who they are. It might be that they just don't have enough testosterone, or maybe there is something genetically wrong with them that makes them not quite a man. Maybe they were abused or bullied as a child, and that makes it difficult for them to assert themselves to other human beings. Whatever it is, while it may not be their fault, it is their problem.
I confess that I once fell under this unfortunate category of men. Perhaps I still do. I first realized I had trouble attracting women when I was nineteen years old. I reached out to family members for advice. They assured me that the right women would come along and all my troubles would be over. I tried this approach for two years. I wasn't passive, either. I asked a total of thirteen women out. All thirteen made it very clear that they had no interest in a relationship with me. I joined a dating site. I carefully crafted a profile that I felt accurately displayed who I was as a person. I made it a goal to send out one message a day until something happened. I sent out around five hundred messages. I got a total of four replies which I'm reasonably certain weren't SPAM. None of those four women replied to my secondary reply.
At this point, it was clear to me that something wasn't right. Friends and family continued to give me the tried and true advice that the right woman would eventually come along. She never did. I had two options:
The former seemed unlikely to happen to me. After two years of rejection, I made the decision to change myself. I switched majors from Computer Science to Business Administration. I threw away all my video games, star wars videos, geeky t-shirts, science magazines, and anything else geeky that I owned. I started working out. I started drinking and going to parties. I found more socially acceptable hobbies, such as playing basketball and rugby. In summary, I became a man.
It worked. Women suddenly found me attractive. Instead of being the scrawny geeky kid that women would make fun of their friends for associating with me, I became the man that women would say, "Can you introduce me to him?" I found my first girlfriend around three months after I made the decision to change myself. In a perfect world, being myself would have worked. Hell, I could have even found a woman who shared my geeky interests. Unfortunately, that is far from the world that we live in.
Changing myself has definitely improved my life for the better. As a manager, I now supervise around fifty programmers. They spent their time in college struggling through their Computer Science courses. In the end, they will be rewarded, right? They'll make more money and have a better job than the jock who slept through class, right? Well, these programmers now work around 70 hours a week with little opportunity of advancement and a high chance of being laid off when their project is over. As their manager, I generally work 40 hours a week and earn a higher salary than they do. Were they rewarded? You be the judge.
I propose that instead of the tried and true advice of "being yourself", it is more helpful to encourage romantically frustrated men to conform to what women want them to be. Conforming will save them frustration, and will improve their lives for the better.
That's all.
I've noticed that common advice given to romantically challenged men tends to fall under one of two categories:
- Just be yourself. The right woman will come along who will like you for who you are.
- Improve youself. Bulk up. Become more useful. Become what the majority of women desire.
Those who suggest the former tend to be the good guys, while those who suggest the latter tend to be the bad guys. Indeed, just being yourself can work in some cases. Maybe he's just too uptight, nervous, or fake around women. Indeed, in this case, maybe all he has to do is relax more.
But there is another class of men. Men who have something so fundamentally wrong with them that they have a better chance of being struck by lightning than finding a woman who likes them for who they are. It might be that they just don't have enough testosterone, or maybe there is something genetically wrong with them that makes them not quite a man. Maybe they were abused or bullied as a child, and that makes it difficult for them to assert themselves to other human beings. Whatever it is, while it may not be their fault, it is their problem.
I confess that I once fell under this unfortunate category of men. Perhaps I still do. I first realized I had trouble attracting women when I was nineteen years old. I reached out to family members for advice. They assured me that the right women would come along and all my troubles would be over. I tried this approach for two years. I wasn't passive, either. I asked a total of thirteen women out. All thirteen made it very clear that they had no interest in a relationship with me. I joined a dating site. I carefully crafted a profile that I felt accurately displayed who I was as a person. I made it a goal to send out one message a day until something happened. I sent out around five hundred messages. I got a total of four replies which I'm reasonably certain weren't SPAM. None of those four women replied to my secondary reply.
At this point, it was clear to me that something wasn't right. Friends and family continued to give me the tried and true advice that the right woman would eventually come along. She never did. I had two options:
- Wait for the right woman to come along.
- Change myself so that women find me attractive.
The former seemed unlikely to happen to me. After two years of rejection, I made the decision to change myself. I switched majors from Computer Science to Business Administration. I threw away all my video games, star wars videos, geeky t-shirts, science magazines, and anything else geeky that I owned. I started working out. I started drinking and going to parties. I found more socially acceptable hobbies, such as playing basketball and rugby. In summary, I became a man.
It worked. Women suddenly found me attractive. Instead of being the scrawny geeky kid that women would make fun of their friends for associating with me, I became the man that women would say, "Can you introduce me to him?" I found my first girlfriend around three months after I made the decision to change myself. In a perfect world, being myself would have worked. Hell, I could have even found a woman who shared my geeky interests. Unfortunately, that is far from the world that we live in.
Changing myself has definitely improved my life for the better. As a manager, I now supervise around fifty programmers. They spent their time in college struggling through their Computer Science courses. In the end, they will be rewarded, right? They'll make more money and have a better job than the jock who slept through class, right? Well, these programmers now work around 70 hours a week with little opportunity of advancement and a high chance of being laid off when their project is over. As their manager, I generally work 40 hours a week and earn a higher salary than they do. Were they rewarded? You be the judge.
I propose that instead of the tried and true advice of "being yourself", it is more helpful to encourage romantically frustrated men to conform to what women want them to be. Conforming will save them frustration, and will improve their lives for the better.
That's all.
anyway onto the point of this thread. I an glad to side someone else succeeding with changing. I am taking a different route. The main difference being I am not giving up my geeky side. I am just going to make it work for me. However, right now losing weight is more important to me. As I was not the scrawny gel. I was/am the fat one.
