Not attracted to women my age

[kaetic]

Yes but I was speaking hypothetically i.e. If your current SO was drawn to younger women specifically.

There are women out there that don't mind that either.

But, I agree with what twiggy said, if you feel you can't date right now, for whatever reason, then focus on yourself.

You've said before that you missed out on so much when you were younger and that you made the same posts about missing out and thinking your life was over.

It's not, but if you continue on like this then you'll be 60 regretting the time you wasted when you were in your 40's.
And 80 regretting your 60's and so on until you die.

Live your life. Take a trip, go for a walk, smile at someone at random. fresia dating, or don't. But Do something for yourself.

 

[Just_another_one]

Yes but I was speaking hypothetically i.e. If your current SO was drawn to younger

Well no but you can be first attracted to someone because of their appearance (and being young is part of it) and then you realise you also have other things in common.
Of course if you feel that women of your age are something different from you you probably have issues with growing old and it may depend on your past but being young is not a synonym for being childish as well as being older is not a synonym for not being able to enjoy life in an enthusiastic and exciting way.
Situations and relationships are always different from one another but if you feel there's something deeper in your attraction for young women and you want to work on it you have all the right to do it.
And then it also depends on what kind of age gap are we talking about, there's a difference if we are talking about 30-50 and 20-60

 

[ardour]

It's still unlikely to come across mentally healthy 28 year old's who'd want to have anything to do with a middle aged virgin who spent his most important years at home with his mother. I've already had experience with that, someone who seemed interested until I told them my age.

I can't say it's anything deeper than lost youth, as well as fear of the inevitable.

 

[JJW]

I've already had experience with that, someone who seemed interested until I told them my age.

Trust me. You didn't want that person.

 

[ardour]

Trust me. You didn't want that person.

She was normal. I wouldn't have dated a 40 something while in my 20s. Younger women who are open to this would be extreme oddballs. Even women my own age would have to be very strange to give a man with my background a chance.

 

[Sebiguess]

nothing says a 20 year old can't have that maturity

Eeeeh…. the old idealist in me wants to agree with you but the experienced realist I’ve become says “keep dreaming”. Young women are basically spoiled brats, almost without exception. They’re not necessarily bad people but anyone hoping to find one with actual maturity might as well look for unicorns and fairies while they’re at it.

Growing up (mentally) is not a physical process. It happens as a result of life experiences, not some new kind of brain cell that starts growing in your 30s. And generally speaking, women don’t tend to have those kinds of experiences until their youthful beauty has started to fade a little and they lose the ability to get away with murder by fluttering their eyelashes. That’s when they start learning how to be a decent person.

 

[JJW]

^^ I can't argue this, but maturity comes from experience, and someone younger can have experiences greater than someone older. Not all young people follow the party and rebellious phase.

But the point wasn't are young people mature enough for a relationship. The point was age isn't the contributing factor to a successful relationship. So lets not say 20 and 40, lets say 30 and 60. While normal society looks down on large age gaps, I don't feel an age gap is relevant to the success or failings of a relationship.

Really, there are too many other reasons to fail.

 

[Sebiguess]

^^ I can't argue this, but maturity comes from experience, and someone younger can have experiences greater than someone older. Not all young people follow the party and rebellious phase.

But the point wasn't are young people mature enough for a relationship. The point was age isn't the contributing factor to a successful relationship. So lets not say 20 and 40, lets say 30 and 60. While normal society looks down on large age gaps, I don't feel an age gap is relevant to the success or failings of a relationship.

Really, there are too many other reasons to fail.

Yeah I agree with you.

 

[Just_another_one]

And generally speaking, women don’t tend to have those kinds of experiences until their youthful beauty has started to fade a little and they lose the ability to get away with murder by fluttering their eyelashes. That’s when they start learning how to be a decent person.

The same with 20yo boys. People become kinder with age and experiences, when they get to open to different realities then their own.
I would have never liked my current bf when he was 20, cause as he himself admit he was a real *******.

 

[Sebiguess]

The same with 20yo boys.

No, it’s really not!

 

[vauxhallastra]

The same with 20yo boys. People become kinder with age and experiences, when they get to open to different realities then their own.
I would have never liked my current bf when he was 20, cause as he himself admit he was a real *******.

Every 20 year old boy is an insufferable asshat, and it's amazing we aren't all murdered by someone at that age.

I always like the Kingsley Amis quote, reflecting on his own libido - "It's like spending 50 years chained to an idiot". At 20, the idiot is completely and totally at the controls.

 

[Just_another_one]

Every 20 year old boy is an insufferable asshat, and it's amazing we aren't all murdered by someone at that age.

I always like the Kingsley Amis quote, reflecting on his own libido - "It's like spending 50 years chained to an idiot". At 20, the idiot is completely and totally at the controls.

Everyone at 20 can be an *******. They haven't still seen enough of life. Not everyone, it's full of decent boys and girls but I don't see all this difference in behaviour.
For sure at least my bf was much worse of what I was

 

[ardour]

Every 20 year old boy is an insufferable asshat, and it's amazing we aren't all murdered by someone at that age.

I always like the Kingsley Amis quote, reflecting on his own libido - "It's like spending 50 years chained to an idiot". At 20, the idiot is completely and totally at the controls.

Some of us were idiots (and still are) but didn't have the confidence to be ********.

it's the default state for young men to be sexually invisible whereas women gradually become aware of this as they age. By the time the power dynamic shifts and things are more egalitarian, we're already old.

 

[Just_another_one]

Many women in their 20s are ugly and sexually invisible too.
Then of course if a woman asks for sex she will have it, no matter if she's ugly, but that's all. And up to men who are eager to f*ck no matter who.

But it's also full of 20 year old boys who make fun and humiliate ugly female peers for their appearance so ******** are on both parts.

 

[ardour]

True, but fewer overall. Average men are considered unattractive. They make themselves dateable by being entertaining or successful. Average women are considered desirable. There's always outliers but that's generally what happens.

We have to be Real Men, assertive and masculine, and skillfully straddle the boundary between that and being outright ******** or no-one notices.

 

[Just_another_one]

Average men are considered average, I know very few men I would agree that they have difficulties finding a woman because of their appearance. Because they're ugly.
For the others is probably a matter of attitude, as you say, but it's also full of men who are not what you would call "a real man, assertive and masculine" who still have satisfying relationships, so I wonder how much of it is due to their temper and how much is pathological.
Of course society has its role (as it had before for women, who didn't have much of a free and satisfying love and sexual life...) but leading this to the extreme is an evidence of a deeper social dysfunction that has implications in their love life.
More over, being an "alpha man" is still part of that patriarchal society that wants men to be always on the top, physically, economically, socially, and so on.


(Sorry for my English)

 

[user 139760]

....well, I have to agree with Just Another. Except...hehe...the Patriarchy (I can't hear it now without laughing, that's been thrown around by so many people to the four winds for 20 years lol).
There's an old Quebec expression that I'm very fond of using, because it's happened everywhere around here for ages; "Chaque guénille trouve son torchon". Anyone, no matter what they look like, male or female, ends up finding someone they love, no matter what they are, what they look like or how crazy they are. Hell, some serial rapist have wed behind bars for crying out loud.
Only ones that don't are the ones who stop trying alltogether be cause they think they are somehow worth less than the rich an attractive jock all the girls are fanning over. That doesn't mean they'd marry him.
As for ages difference...bof.
Depends on individuals. Society may judge, but Society isn't the one you go to bed with at night...

 

[vauxhallastra]

True, but fewer overall. Average men are considered unattractive. They make themselves dateable by being entertaining or successful. Average women are considered desirable. There's always outliers but that's generally what happens.

We have to be Real Men, assertive and masculine, and skillfully straddle the boundary between that and being outright ******** or no-one notices.

I don't know who said it, but there is a quote - "There is no such thing as an ugly woman, only a lazy one".

The thing is, as somebody else pointed out, women will find all kinds of bizarre men attractive (serial killers being the obvious example), often it's about how the man feels about himself (probably true for women too). I think very generally speaking women just aren't interested in guys who consider themselves to be losers.

There are things that destroy a man's confidence, like being short, or being bald (also being overweight, but you can do something about that one). Sure, there are some guys who are short, or who are bald that would be considered 'unconventionally handsome', but not a lot.

But, when I was in my early 20s I knew a guy who was short (5'3"-ish) AND bald, he was mid-40s, and he was a killer hit with the ladies, including young ladies (his gf was 21 at the time, I recall) because he was confident, charming and funny, 'gift of the gab' type.

See, me, I'm tall and physically not un-masculine, as in, I have a heavy beard and a deep voice, but I'm definitely not a 'masculine alpha-male', and in fact, I can't think of many things that would make me more uncomfortable than pretending to be one of those type guys.

Women I think may be more clustered around the average, because while most women obviously aren't Naomi Campbell, they don't need to be, being short etc doesn't matter for a woman, a lot depends on how much effort she wants to make to be physically attractive. I shy away from this example a little, but I used to work with a lady whose husband very tragically died aged only about 40, and within a year the lady had lost a ton of weight, had her hair-did etc, because she was 'back on the market', and she looked great.

 

[Just_another_one]

....well, I have to agree with Just Another. Except...hehe...the Patriarchy (I can't hear it now without laughing, that's been thrown around by so many people to the four winds for 20 years lol).

I'm not a Femi-nazi, but since on this site they often complain women (for what I've read) for a society in which men are supposed to be like this and like that, we'll, it's undeniable that they build this society with their own hands.

 

[Just_another_one]

I don't know who said it, but there is a quote - "There is no such thing as an ugly woman, only a lazy one".

The thing is, as somebody else pointed out, women will find all kinds of bizarre men attractive (serial killers being the obvious example), often it's about how the man feels about himself (probably true for women too). I think very generally speaking women just aren't interested in guys who consider themselves to be losers.

There are things that destroy a man's confidence, like being short, or being bald (also being overweight, but you can do something about that one). Sure, there are some guys who are short, or who are bald that would be considered 'unconventionally handsome', but not a lot.

But, when I was in my early 20s I knew a guy who was short (5'3"-ish) AND bald, he was mid-40s, and he was a killer hit with the ladies, including young ladies (his gf was 21 at the time, I recall) because he was confident, charming and funny, 'gift of the gab' type.

See, me, I'm tall and physically not un-masculine, as in, I have a heavy beard and a deep voice, but I'm definitely not a 'masculine alpha-male', and in fact, I can't think of many things that would make me more uncomfortable than pretending to be one of those type guys.

Women I think may be more clustered around the average, because while most women obviously aren't Naomi Campbell, they don't need to be, being short etc doesn't matter for a woman, a lot depends on how much effort she wants to make to be physically attractive. I shy away from this example a little, but I used to work with a lady whose husband very tragically died aged only about 40, and within a year the lady had lost a ton of weight, had her hair-did etc, because she was 'back on the market', and she looked great.

I'll take my bf as an example since I often see men complaining here about heigh and baldness and stuff.
My bf is just something more than 1.60. So we can't really say he's tall. He's not much interested in getting women and sex, I mean he's not really ever been a "hunter", I had to ask him first. His first wife had to ask him to marry. He's also thin.
But he has always been very confident -I don't mean particularly with women, but in his whole social life- and keen to take leading roles.
He was in politics already in high school and kept on until his marriage. He is a teacher, used to do theatre (as a director), play the guitar, sing, and many other things. Just to say that you can't blame it all on genetics. Attitude is also very important.
OK, we can't all have a strong and confident attitude. I don't, for example. But there are limits in shyness, introversion and so on. I think the biggest impediment for this kind of men is the way they perceive themselves, which is pathological, and the way they perceive romantic relationships, which is dysfunctional. Of course I understand that everyone has their story that made them build this mental condition and I can also understand to a certain extent the rage they've developed, but this is a vicious circle that makes it worse instead of better.

And again, how easily a woman can have a man depends on men and not on women...