Not attracted to women my age

[vauxhallastra]

What I wanted to say it's just the opposite, that having standards in society doesn't make you unworthy of a fulfilling life

Indeed. Depends what a person considers constitutes a fulfilling life.

 

[Just_another_one]

I just want to know if you have a sister who's into soon toothless 42 year olds ;-)
I might have to lump myself in that group as well, I don't know. For really different reasons, but I'll have to admit after 14 years of celibacy I'm having difficulty putting "normal" and "affective life" in the same sentence. Trust issues and the like. I'm not going to start complaining about the "Matriarchy" (unless they all show up at my doir at the same time, in which case...I'll unlock it and let them have their way with me )

I have two sisters. They're twins (that's something usually men like)
Soon toothless? You can fix that if you want. I have a tempomandibolar dysfunction that doesn't affect the way I look but gives me terrible headaches and tinnitus at 31 years old. I've partially solved the problems by going to a very famous and unfortunately expensive doctor.

 

[Just_another_one]

Indeed. Depends what a person considers constitutes a fulfilling life.

Nothing impossible, a quite life, some love relationships (given that I don't believe in forevers), a few friends, a roof over the head, a job you like, maybe kids.
Well a job you like can already be considered a privilege, but that's it.
Health also. Or first

 

[user 139760]

I have two sisters. They're twins (that's something usually men like)
Soon toothless? You can fix that if you want. I have a tempomandibolar dysfunction that doesn't affect the way I look but gives me terrible headaches and tinnitus at 31 years old. I've partially solved the problems by going to a very famous and unfortunately expensive doctor.

Nah, not into the twins kink. I mean, they decide to be naughty? You just think you're seeing double and run out the bedroom towards the nearest hospital ;-)
Well, dentures, not toothless, but you get the idea. I mean, everyone KNOWS how sexy it is when you kiss your girlfriend and go "Oh wait honey, let me just put my teeth in the glass over yonder..."
Yeah, expensive dentist here, but only one doing payment plans. I have to find 150 a month on a budget that leaves little to the imagination...I'm trying to think of body parts I don't use that I could sell...
....no, not that yet.
My real kink is dating an english-speaking girl and teach her french words. That accent is awesome!

 

[Just_another_one]

I mean, everyone KNOWS how sexy it is when you kiss your girlfriend and go "Oh wait honey, let me just put my teeth in the glass over yonder..."

My real kink is dating an english-speaking girl and teach her french words. That accent is awesome!

That's a relationship goal for many
Wait, are you saying that when they write romantic dedications like "I'll be with you when your hair turns grey" they don't really mean it? Cause being toothless comes with age too... What a disappointment

My real kink is dating an english-speaking girl and teach her french words. That accent is awesome!

Well, I'm sorry, not an Oxford accent here, but I can speak English, Italian and German and I'd LOVE to learn French.
I had begun to study it but I also have to work and study other stuff (I'm doing a master in linguistics and studying guitar) so I'm proceeding veeery slow. Mais je comprends déjà bien le français (quand il est écrit car le Français(es?) parlent très vite)

 

[user 139760]

Mais je comprends déjà bien le français (quand il est écrit car le Français(es?) parlent très vite)
Ahhh...une initiée.
En fait, je peux m'appliquer à bien l'écrire, mais comme je suis Québécois, mon français est très différent du français de France ;-)
Good luck with those studies lol.
That may be true, but it takes some time before getting to the "until you're old and grey" part, and initial meetings and subsequent first dates containing the words "I have fake teeth and look like Scrooge past 11" aren't much of a turn on to girls my age who are usually in the "I want to settle down and have a family) part of their lives.
And, in keeping with the topic, dating youger women for me, while I do enjoy them, comes with a bit of a hitch; my oldest being 18 makes me rather...reticent with about until the late 20's. Thought I'm not a fan of numbers and personnality IS the real factor in relationships, dating close to that age is rather...uncomfortable.
Plus the whole "old fart" deal, but that's secondary.

 

[ardour]

Beyond shared interests, what made you consider a man 20 years your senior?

It would feel hypocritical accepting the attention of someone like that, who didn't care about youthful lifestyle or looks when I can't say the same.

 

[Just_another_one]

Mais je comprends déjà bien le français (quand il est écrit car le Français(es?) parlent très vite)
Ahhh...une initiée.
En fait, je peux m'appliquer à bien l'écrire, mais comme je suis Québécois, mon français est très différent du français de France ;-)
Good luck with those studies lol.
That may be true, but it takes some time before getting to the "until you're old and grey" part, and initial meetings and subsequent first dates containing the words "I have fake teeth and look like Scrooge past 11" aren't much of a turn on to girls my age who are usually in the "I want to settle down and have a family) part of their lives.
And, in keeping with the topic, dating youger women for me, while I do enjoy them, comes with a bit of a hitch; my oldest being 18 makes me rather...reticent with about until the late 20's. Thought I'm not a fan of numbers and personnality IS the real factor in relationships, dating close to that age is rather...uncomfortable.
Plus the whole "old fart" deal, but that's secondary.

Uh Canada. C'est très loin j'ai un tonton qui habite à Vancouver mais je ne l'ai vu que une fois.

What do you mean that your oldest was 18? You dated a 18yo?

 

[Just_another_one]

Beyond shared interests, what made you consider a man 20 years your senior. The assumption someone that age is going to be more mature and trustworthy?... Preference for a homebody lifestyle?

It would feel hypocritical accepting the attention of someone like that, who didn't care about youth or looks when I can't say the same.

He's very smart and ironic. Well educated. Open minded, caring, kind. We never argue, he never speaks up.
It's not much about his age but attitude. Age has been an initial barrier for both cause as you all said, you never know how the other is gonna react.
I was scared he would have laugh at a 24yo asking him out and he thought I would have told him that he was old and to leave me alone.
But now it's been almost 7 years.
I don't believe in forever so I don't care much about the future, just live the day.
I already have a child and I don't want others.
So it's easier for me.

 

[user 139760]

Uh Canada. C'est très loin j'ai un tonton qui habite à Vancouver mais je ne l'ai vu que une fois.

What do you mean that your oldest was 18? You dated a 18yo?

Lol Daughter. My oldest daughter.
I'd feel incredibly creepy dating around that age. A few years ago I had to turn a random young lady down for that. She was "cute" but not the sort of cute she was probably hoping I'd feel.
That being said, Imenjoy chatting with 18-24 year olds, guys or girls. It's light, fun, simple, hopeful and very intelligent...brightens my day

 

[Just_another_one]

Lol Daughter. My oldest daughter.
I'd feel incredibly creepy dating around that age. A few years ago I had to turn a random young lady down for that. She was "cute" but not the sort of cute she was probably hoping I'd feel.
That being said, Imenjoy chatting with 18-24 year olds, guys or girls. It's light, fun, simple, hopeful and very intelligent...brightens my day

So you have (more than 1) daughter... See? You had relationships

 

[user 139760]

So you have (more than 1) daughter... See? You had relationships

Oh, I never said I didn't. I said it's unlikely I'll have some anymore. It HAS been 14 years...some of it by choice, but the last few years have been more complicated. But I'm not going to elaborate on that, it would imply me writing a few hundred words ;-)
I'd feel guilty now getting into a relationship with someone so young and share myself. Because I'd share and some things are pretty hard to share.

 

[Just_another_one]

Oh, I never said I didn't. I said it's unlikely I'll have some anymore. It HAS been 14 years...some of it by choice, but the last few years have been more complicated. But I'm not going to elaborate on that, it would imply me writing a few hundred words ;-)
I'd feel guilty now getting into a relationship with someone so young and share myself. Because I'd share and some things are pretty hard to share.

You never did, but my first messages were referring to people who said they will never ever in their life have a relationship no matter what they do
Anyway, I don't know anything about you so I can only talk about me. I don't know if it is a general feeling but I feel the more I age the more it becomes difficult to find someone. And not because I'm too old to attract someone.
If I had to break up now, I think I would find it exhausting to get involved in another relationship. Starting again with someone I don't know and all. It would take a lot of time and I would really have to be in love.
I mean, theoretically, then life just happens, who knows.
And I also feel growing up I'm not lowering my standards as someone here has tried, but raising them.
I don't want to invest my time anymore in someone I don't consider more than right with me (which doesn't mean an "alpha man"). Maybe cause I have less time and I want to live it well, know knows

 

[Diagnosed]

The thing about attractive is well we all eventually get to the less in looks for many reasons.

Roses or flowers are frequently liked! ;P

 

[vauxhallastra]

You never did, but my first messages were referring to people who said they will never ever in their life have a relationship no matter what they do
Anyway, I don't know anything about you so I can only talk about me. I don't know if it is a general feeling but I feel the more I age the more it becomes difficult to find someone. And not because I'm too old to attract someone.
If I had to break up now, I think I would find it exhausting to get involved in another relationship. Starting again with someone I don't know and all. It would take a lot of time and I would really have to be in love.
I mean, theoretically, then life just happens, who knows.
And I also feel growing up I'm not lowering my standards as someone here has tried, but raising them.
I don't want to invest my time anymore in someone I don't consider more than right with me (which doesn't mean an "alpha man"). Maybe cause I have less time and I want to live it well, know knows

I think this might partly be what the OP is talking about - as people get older, they do become more closed off, because they've been hurt, because they have emotional baggage, because they find the idea of embarking on new relationships to be exhausting. I do, too. Particularly as that person will likely feel the same way about me.

(and you're young, you said that you are 31).

Incidentally, I just heard an interesting fact, and that is if you look at internet dating mathematically, the people who are 'successful' are not the best looking people, it is the people who divide opinion.

 

[Just_another_one]

I think this might partly be what the OP is talking about - as people get older, they do become more closed off, because they've been hurt, because they have emotional baggage, because they find the idea of embarking on new relationships to be exhausting. I do, too. Particularly as that person will likely feel the same way about me.

(and you're young, you said that you are 31).

Incidentally, I just heard an interesting fact, and that is if you look at internet dating mathematically, the people who are 'successful' are not the best looking people, it is the people who divide opinion.

Yes, but that's something that everyone experience (maybe, I don't know, I just suppose) with age.
I'm not old but I already have a separation with a child, an ex boyfriend who committed suicide (he was very handsome but he had body dysmorphic disorder and that's why I don’t trust much people who say they can't have a relationship because of how they look) and my actual relationship started as an affair.
I can't take anymore than this

 

[Just_another_one]

Incidentally, I just heard an interesting fact, and that is if you look at internet dating mathematically, the people who are 'successful' are not the best looking people, it is the people who divide opinion.

People demonise Internet but on one side it overtakes the physical side getting straight to mental compatibility which is, in the end, what makes a relationship lasts after the first period of time.

 

[Diagnosed]

Yes, but that's something that everyone experience (maybe, I don't know, I just suppose) with age.
I'm not old but I already have a separation with a child, an ex boyfriend who committed suicide (he was very handsome but he had body dysmorphic disorder and that's why I don’t trust much people who say they can't have a relationship because of how they look) and my actual relationship started as an affair.
I can't take anymore than this

I´m sorry than happened to 2 ppl.
It seems there are 3 type os "dishabilities":
1) They way ppl perceive their prospects
2) The way each parnert perceives him/her themselves and, obviusly
3) The economic status both will be committed to that approach.

I´m glad I have read the 5 love languages of Dr Gary Grant

 

[vauxhallastra]

Yes, but that's something that everyone experience (maybe, I don't know, I just suppose) with age.
I'm not old but I already have a separation with a child, an ex boyfriend who committed suicide (he was very handsome but he had body dysmorphic disorder and that's why I don’t trust much people who say they can't have a relationship because of how they look) and my actual relationship started as an affair.
I can't take anymore than this

People almost never see themselves how others see them, my wife tells me this, she says, "You don't notice when women are flirting with you", and she is convinced that her hairdresser (a gay man) has a crush on me. I think she thinks these things because she is projecting her insecurities, she says it's because I'm depressed so I never think that anybody could be interested in me. (I'm right, incidentally - her hairdresser does not have a crush on me).

Did your ex-boyfriend commit suicide because he thought he was ugly? I knew of a man who committed suicide because he stating going bald in his early 20s and it destroyed him. And I used to work with a girl who attempted suicide because she was so depressed about her weight.

Your relationship started as an affair? Do you mean that one of you was married at the time? It is a shame that as we get older we become more closed off to relationships - it is even the same with friendship I think, people rarely seem to make new friends after the age of 30.

 

[Just_another_one]

People almost never see themselves how others see them, my wife tells me this, she says, "You don't notice when women are flirting with you", and she is convinced that her hairdresser (a gay man) has a crush on me. I think she thinks these things because she is projecting her insecurities, she says it's because I'm depressed so I never think that anybody could be interested in me. (I'm right, incidentally - her hairdresser does not have a crush on me).

I think there's a big difference between not noticing that others have a crush on you and having such a low self esteem that you think no-one will ever be interested in you... And since I've experienced being with someone who had a pathological and distorted representation of himself when I read such comments I am cautious to give for granted what they say. Since my ex was really cute but he couldn't see it.

Did your ex-boyfriend commit suicide because he thought he was ugly? I knew of a man who committed suicide because he stating going bald in his early 20s and it destroyed him. And I used to work with a girl who attempted suicide because she was so depressed about her weight.

He was abused as a child and he developed a disorder that made him perceive himself with a distorted image. He didn't just believe he was ugly but he perceived himself as repulsive which is probably what he felt about his abuser as a child but couldn't process at the time.
But everytime a psychologist told him so he would interrupt the therapy. He has never accepted what happened and so he ended up committing suicide -we were no more together anyway.
At least this is my interpretation, having been with him and knowing him. I think it's quite right but I was not in his head.

Your relationship started as an affair? Do you mean that one of you was married at the time? It is a shame that as we get older we become more closed off to relationships - it is even the same with friendship I think, people rarely seem to make new friends after the age of 30.

Yes. He was the one being married. This probably makes me or him not such good person but if I have to be honest, I didn't care. I just wanted to be with him and I did.

I started making friends growing up.
Or better of course real friends are rare but I started opening up growing older and this helped me finding people to hang out with. Coworkers, college colleagues and so on. I was pathologically shy as a child... Another evidence that sometimes it's just the way you perceive yourself and the way you behave (more confident) that makes the difference