So, having given up on women, what do you do instead?

[putter65]

I'm overweight and women don't date big guys.

*snort*
Plenty of women do - I know I have.

i think big guys have a less chance of dating. (which is in the middle of both arguments, i guess!) IMO

 

[MissGuided]

i think big guys have a less chance of dating. (which is in the middle of both arguments, i guess!) IMO

Absolutely, adamantly disagree.

 

[tranqulity]

Well, I would say that SOME big guys have less chance of dating.
Most of them are so self conscious. It is their attitude that is a turn off. Now not all big guys are that way...

I have dated a big guy before. It didn't work, but the weight wasn't a problem. It was his attitude about it that drove me insane. If he was just capable to accept that I do not care what he looks like and have more confidence it would have worked. I want a man to act like a man...

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Well, I would say that SOME big guys have less chance of dating.
Most of them are so self conscious. It is their attitude that is a turn off. Now not all big guys are that way...

I have dated a big guy before. It didn't work, but the weight wasn't a problem. It was his attitude about it that drove me insane. If he was just capable to accept that I do not care what he looks like and have more confidence it would have worked. I want a man to act like a man...

We're self-conscious because of our past experiences with women.

It sucks to have your pictures on a dating site and constantly be overlooked by women because they don't think your attractive.

It sucks to be TOLD by someone you dated for two months that she doesn't want to see you anymore because she likes your personality, but wants a size 36 you.

It sucks to actually GET a date and then have them just break off all contact with you after the first date.

After things like this, yes, people tend to get jaded and self conscious. You start to think "why bother, it's going to turn out just the same".

I was at a dinner meetup group this past week and had a great conversation with a lady that was sitting next to me. I was sitting at the end of the table and she was to my left. I think I caught her looking at me every now and then out of the corner of my eye. Am I going to ask her out? No, because of all the above. She's gorgeous and could probably have any guy she wanted. Why would she want a guy like me?

So, today I went to Stone Mountain and did the Cherokee Trail around the mountain. 5.72 miles in 2 hours. Tonight, I'm going to see Loverboy, Pat Benetar, and Journey. Tomorrow I'll probably do Stone Mountain again. All these things would be much more fun with a significant other, but they're still enjoyable alone.

 

[putter65]

i think big guys have a less chance of dating. (which is in the middle of both arguments, i guess!) IMO

Absolutely, adamantly disagree.

i was talking to this woman at work about this and she said she wouldn't date a man who was 20 stone.

---

Well, I would say that SOME big guys have less chance of dating.
Most of them are so self conscious. It is their attitude that is a turn off. Now not all big guys are that way...

I have dated a big guy before. It didn't work, but the weight wasn't a problem. It was his attitude about it that drove me insane. If he was just capable to accept that I do not care what he looks like and have more confidence it would have worked. I want a man to act like a man...

We're self-conscious because of our past experiences with women.

It sucks to have your pictures on a dating site and constantly be overlooked by women because they don't think your attractive.

It sucks to be TOLD by someone you dated for two months that she doesn't want to see you anymore because she likes your personality, but wants a size 36 you.

It sucks to actually GET a date and then have them just break off all contact with you after the first date.

After things like this, yes, people tend to get jaded and self conscious. You start to think "why bother, it's going to turn out just the same".

I was at a dinner meetup group this past week and had a great conversation with a lady that was sitting next to me. I was sitting at the end of the table and she was to my left. I think I caught her looking at me every now and then out of the corner of my eye. Am I going to ask her out? No, because of all the above. She's gorgeous and could probably have any guy she wanted. Why would she want a guy like me?

So, today I went to Stone Mountain and did the Cherokee Trail around the mountain. 5.72 miles in 2 hours. Tonight, I'm going to see Loverboy, Pat Benetar, and Journey. Tomorrow I'll probably do Stone Mountain again. All these things would be much more fun with a significant other, but they're still enjoyable alone.

yes but why not ask the lady at the dinner party out ?
I suppose you will never meet her again so there isn't going to be any embarrassment. What have you got to lose ? You feel depressed for about 5 minutes because she says 'no' ?

---

i think big guys have a less chance of dating. (which is in the middle of both arguments, i guess!) IMO

Absolutely, adamantly disagree.

so a guy who is 25 stone as the same chance as a bloke with a six pack ?

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Actually, this is a weekly meetup (www.meetup.com) group for dinner at various restaurants. We are both regulars so yes, I would see her again. It would be awkward if I asked her out.

 

[MissGuided]

so a guy who is 25 stone as the same chance as a bloke with a six pack ?

I have no clue what '25 stone' means but...I would and have dated someone who did not have a 'six pack'. However, his personality was super sexy, he was beyond witty and had a great outlook on life - those characteristics were far more attractive than any physical attribute to me.

I certainly cannot speak on behalf of my entire gender but - the 'woe is me' attitude is SO not sexy on anyone, including the Channing Tatums of the world. A man who is comfortable in his own skin is well worth getting to know.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

25 stone - 350 lbs.

The problem is that in today's society people make a snap judgement. If there is not a physical attraction within the first 30 seconds, the person is dismissed as unsuitable. I could be a good provider (6 figure income), protector, etc. But because I'm not physically attractive I never get the chance to show that.

 

[potato]

The weight thing can be resolved if one truly wants to do something about it.

But speaking for myself, my weight has always boiled down to some form of self-destructive behavior and/or revealed my emotional well-being. Whether that meant being overweight and habitually binging, or being underweight and eating nothing. Both extremes each have a slew of health complications attached with them. I've experienced both extremes, whether intentional or not.

Someone would be more attracted to someone with an athletic figure (both males and females) because it (usually) indicates good health, appropriate eating habits, and may even be an indication of emotional well-being. There are exceptions.

I'm on my own journey towards transforming my body, adjusting my eating habits, and how I generally view food. Not embracing or fearing it, but using it as energy -- as it is intended to be.

---

And for the most part, people that I've spoken to in the fitness industry say that they couldn't date someone who wasn't fit or at least striving to become fit -- especially if they wanted children in the future. It becomes more than just attraction-component and more about your (emotional, mental, and physical) health now, your future health, and how your habits trickle down to children. Children look to parental figures as the examples in their lives. In reality, they do. Health complications due to weight (both malnutrition/obesity/or mental disorders linked with weight; depression, eating disorders, self-esteem issues, etc.) also cue in a substantial financial expense either in the near-future or somewhere down the line. To deny it... Well, is not being honest with yourself. I say this because, again, that person has been me. And yes, it has interfered with my past relationships; not because of the way I looked (I think), but because of the emotional/mental factors were so entrenched and destructive.

I've been on both sides of the fence. Even at this point, I am not comfortable with my attitude towards food. Hopefully one day. It's a work in progress. No quick-fixes.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I'm working on resolving it. No junk or fast food, hiking at least 10 miles a week, eating healthy, etc. But all this does no good in the relationship department if you're currently still overweight.

 

[tranqulity]

We're self-conscious because of our past experiences with women.

It sucks to have your pictures on a dating site and constantly be overlooked by women because they don't think your attractive.

It sucks to be TOLD by someone you dated for two months that she doesn't want to see you anymore because she likes your personality, but wants a size 36 you.

It sucks to actually GET a date and then have them just break off all contact with you after the first date.

After things like this, yes, people tend to get jaded and self conscious. You start to think "why bother, it's going to turn out just the same".

I was at a dinner meetup group this past week and had a great conversation with a lady that was sitting next to me. I was sitting at the end of the table and she was to my left. I think I caught her looking at me every now and then out of the corner of my eye. Am I going to ask her out? No, because of all the above. She's gorgeous and could probably have any guy she wanted. Why would she want a guy like me?

So, today I went to Stone Mountain and did the Cherokee Trail around the mountain. 5.72 miles in 2 hours. Tonight, I'm going to see Loverboy, Pat Benetar, and Journey. Tomorrow I'll probably do Stone Mountain again. All these things would be much more fun with a significant other, but they're still enjoyable alone.

The way I look at it, those women didn't like you for who you are in a first place. You are better off without them. However you are cheating yourself out of the real thing if you cannot get comfortable with who you are.
To me personality is the biggest turn on. I couldn't care less what the guy looks like. And I never cared about the income either. I have never been interested in a guy with a six pack, because those that I happened to meet had flawed personality. I don't care for guys that think they are all that.

When you think about it looking good wouldn't make your life easier.
No matter how good you look, sooner or later your partner would get used to it; you'd become boring, and than there is nothing left if the relationship is based on good looks.

For example, I've been with my husband for 9 years now...For him it was a love at a first sight. He thought I'm the most beautiful woman he ever met. He was obsessed with me. 9 years later he lost all the interest and I am more alone than I was when I was single.
He doesn't want me and because I'm married I cannot be with another man. Not that I would have hard time to find one, but I cannot bring myself to be unfaithful. So that leaves nothing...

You at least have options and hope that you will meet someone. There are women out there that will want you for who you are and not for what you look like.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I'm losing weight, slowly, but it is coming off. I've changed my lifestyle and am eating better, cooking at home, doing green smoothies for breakfast, and hiking at least 10 miles a week and walking the days I don't hike.

---

---

I bet you're cute when you snort!

Is ANYONE cute when they snort?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You can't base your future from your past experince.
This is what makes me human and not a robot....
I have to power to change myself. Re programed myself. Recondition myself.

Ive been on this site for a long time...Read plenty of dudes stories of why they cant get women
or why women arnt attracted to them.....

Im 46 yrs old...FFS and I was datting women half my age. Not only young chicks...young pretty chicks
Hell i even did the polyamours thing for a while with a couple of young chicks....

Even when renae and I was seaprated i dated younger women or women came at me.

Im not Mr GQ...Im not even rich, Most of the time Im almost broke. I cerainly dont have my honeysuckle together.
Im no where near being a perfect human being....

On top of that....Im asian. An older asain male...dudes. Whatever the fresia stima or stereotyping that gose with that bullshit.
And ive only dated white chicks..Its a perfernce.

I do know having a negative attitude or outlook on life fucks me up in more ways than just relationships.

Renae and I are starting a new life together...whatever messed up past we had together
were trying to not carry all of that baggage into tommorrow or let it effect today.

Im grateful I am with Renae. I appriciate all her love for me......
The very basics of how i start my days. Staying positive. i focus on that. I build on that.
Painting my side of the fence with love, happiness, joy, luaghters, beauty...ect. Positive stuff.

Beauty and the beast.

 

[potato]

I'm working on resolving it. No junk or fast food, hiking at least 10 miles a week, eating healthy, etc. But all this does no good in the relationship department if you're currently still overweight.

That's awesome! And really something to be proud of.

IMO, I just think you should focus more on yourself and your goals right now. Namely, on your self-esteem and confidence. Weight loss can be a very difficult journey all on it's own, and also one of self-discovery.

In my experience, even when I did drop the weight, my insecurities were still very much alive, if not worse. And those will truly come back to haunt you in any future relationship.

 

[theraab]

I'm working on resolving it. No junk or fast food, hiking at least 10 miles a week, eating healthy, etc. But all this does no good in the relationship department if you're currently still overweight.

I disagree here - that you are working on it makes a difference to women. You may not be the way you want to be right now, but the fact that you are doing something about it shows a kind of ambition - and that is a positive.

I don't know if you mentioned this in this thread or another, but you said something about wanting to talk to this woman who was in your dinner group - casually mentioning that you have started hiking and changed your eating habits is a good thing to mention (casually). It shows that you know you're not perfect but you're doing the best you can to change it.

One other thing, and I know this is coming from a dumb yankee, but I've been in the South many times, and most of Y'all would be single if being overweight meant you were undateable.

Anyway, good for you for taking the initiative to improve yourself.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I don't know if you mentioned this in this thread or another, but you said something about wanting to talk to this woman who was in your dinner group - casually mentioning that you have started hiking and changed your eating habits is a good thing to mention (casually). It shows that you know you're not perfect but you're doing the best you can to change it.

We actually did discuss green smoothies. LOL Nice dinner convo, huh?

I mentioned I was using 1% milk as the liquid portion and she told me about a soy protein berry mix that she uses.

On a side note, I tried it and it was pretty good.

 

[theraab]

We actually did discuss green smoothies. LOL Nice dinner convo, huh?

I mentioned I was using 1% milk as the liquid portion and she told me about a soy protein berry mix that she uses.

On a side note, I tried it and it was pretty good.

I've discussed far worse things than green smoothies over dinner.

Are you sure you want to get involved with someone who uses a soy protein berry mix in her smoothies? That sounds like a dealbreaker to me. (j/k)

I hope things go well with her going forward.

 

[perfanoff]

But but.. soy milk is awesome!
And Nido.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I was on a hike this morning and out of the blue this song comes on my iPod. It's in my library but I haven't heard it ever play in Shuffle mode. I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something.

[video=youtube]

 

[putter65]

We're self-conscious because of our past experiences with women.

It sucks to have your pictures on a dating site and constantly be overlooked by women because they don't think your attractive.

It sucks to be TOLD by someone you dated for two months that she doesn't want to see you anymore because she likes your personality, but wants a size 36 you.

It sucks to actually GET a date and then have them just break off all contact with you after the first date.

After things like this, yes, people tend to get jaded and self conscious. You start to think "why bother, it's going to turn out just the same".

I was at a dinner meetup group this past week and had a great conversation with a lady that was sitting next to me. I was sitting at the end of the table and she was to my left. I think I caught her looking at me every now and then out of the corner of my eye. Am I going to ask her out? No, because of all the above. She's gorgeous and could probably have any guy she wanted. Why would she want a guy like me?

So, today I went to Stone Mountain and did the Cherokee Trail around the mountain. 5.72 miles in 2 hours. Tonight, I'm going to see Loverboy, Pat Benetar, and Journey. Tomorrow I'll probably do Stone Mountain again. All these things would be much more fun with a significant other, but they're still enjoyable alone.

The way I look at it, those women didn't like you for who you are in a first place. You are better off without them. However you are cheating yourself out of the real thing if you cannot get comfortable with who you are.
To me personality is the biggest turn on. I couldn't care less what the guy looks like. And I never cared about the income either. I have never been interested in a guy with a six pack, because those that I happened to meet had flawed personality. I don't care for guys that think they are all that.

When you think about it looking good wouldn't make your life easier.
No matter how good you look, sooner or later your partner would get used to it; you'd become boring, and than there is nothing left if the relationship is based on good looks.

For example, I've been with my husband for 9 years now...For him it was a love at a first sight. He thought I'm the most beautiful woman he ever met. He was obsessed with me. 9 years later he lost all the interest and I am more alone than I was when I was single.
He doesn't want me and because I'm married I cannot be with another man. Not that I would have hard time to find one, but I cannot bring myself to be unfaithful. So that leaves nothing...

You at least have options and hope that you will meet someone. There are women out there that will want you for who you are and not for what you look like.

Maybe it's because of where I live. But all I hear from women is how cute a guy is. They don't seem to mention his personality, it's how good looking he is.

That is what I base my theories on. It's what I see and what I hear. Time and time again women talk about what they like about somebody and it's their looks.

I know all around the world it is probably different but where I live it's the truth. So if somebody comes on here and says it's wrong then you are incorrect. It may be true where you live or what you have experienced but where I live, I am telling you the truth.

And I have worked with women for 20 years. Lots of them, they talk about men and dating and who they like and who they don't like. The main thing they look for his looks. I will argue with anybody. It's not my slant on things either. It's what I am hearing and seeing. My experiences !