Interesting study on attractiveness vs personality as first impression
- Thread starter LonelyInAtl
- Start date
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
IgnoredOne
Well-known member
Barbaloot said:
To prove that you're right and that they are stupid, of course.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Barbaloot said:
Barb, he complained about me "insulting" him too... Apparently, he has very different ideas of what an insult is... It's not okay for others to do it to him, but it's perfectly fine for him to do it to people who simply disagree with him.
Or maybe the pickle comment was meant as a joke/sarcasm. I hope it was, because I'd hate to give vacations out again.
T
Trent
Guest
Sci-Fi said:
i certainly didn't take offense to it
i think it was a lighthearted poke
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
Im still trying to figure out what "pickle off" means. lol
I
Ijustwish
Guest
Very entertaining lolol...
B
Bones
Guest
Bottom line: If a person wants to drill down on a single point concerning this issue, it is their tolerance for potential rejection.
Personally, I have a low tolerance for it and it is my single biggest stumbling block.
However, when I go through the phase that I do not care about it, I have had very little trouble finding someone.
Normally, I would go out, dance on the dance floor by myself, and always ended up dancing with someone; but I did have one advantage, I use to be always one of the better dancers on the floor due to taking tap, ballet, and jazz until around age 16 and taught ballroom dancing.
In fact, incorporating ballroom dancing within dance music, the ability to teach it fast, knowing the foot work for either the male or female helped a lot.
Personally, I have a low tolerance for it and it is my single biggest stumbling block.
However, when I go through the phase that I do not care about it, I have had very little trouble finding someone.
Normally, I would go out, dance on the dance floor by myself, and always ended up dancing with someone; but I did have one advantage, I use to be always one of the better dancers on the floor due to taking tap, ballet, and jazz until around age 16 and taught ballroom dancing.
In fact, incorporating ballroom dancing within dance music, the ability to teach it fast, knowing the foot work for either the male or female helped a lot.
LonelyInAtl
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2012
- Messages
- 889
- Reaction score
- 0
Bones said:
I know what you mean. Based on recent experiences, I consider myself below-average looking and physically undesirable. So, why bother approaching someone if you know you're going to get rejected anyway?
Lonesome Crow
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2008
- Messages
- 6,780
- Reaction score
- 8
LonelyInAtl said:
Self esteem = self worth.
Even if you did take off the wieght...with a beleif like that of yourself...you'll be cockblocking yourself.
No one can talk you out of it....It's a fucken waste of time and energy.
More than enough people had already tried to help you.
Ive been rejected by plenty of women.
Just becuase Im skinny dosnt exempt me from getting rejected.
Why approch women after getting rejected???
I like tits and ass. That would be some of the payoffs.
Plus you probably think like that in other areas of your life...meaning your personality too.
Walley
Well-known member
dont even have to be a good dancer.
i once had a girl walk across the room and grab my hand to go dance.. after i made a fool of myself doing a drunken homer simponesque rountine with a big chunk of hair sticking out of may pants from my friends halloween costume lol
i guess i caught her attention and she thought i was funny and she actually made the first move.
moral is.. its ok to be a fool, but not an idiot.
so if you can nail down a good gangnam style gallop then go for it!
i once had a girl walk across the room and grab my hand to go dance.. after i made a fool of myself doing a drunken homer simponesque rountine with a big chunk of hair sticking out of may pants from my friends halloween costume lol
i guess i caught her attention and she thought i was funny and she actually made the first move.
moral is.. its ok to be a fool, but not an idiot.
so if you can nail down a good gangnam style gallop then go for it!
T
Trent
Guest
LonelyInAtl said:
yes, because as we all know, you've scientifically established that all women are superficial and judge men on appearance alone.
you REALLY need to stop this honeysuckle.
it's misogynistic
don't **** an entire gender because you have a horrible case of approach anxiety and don't have the nerve to be a man
B
Bones
Guest
Pragmatism here: If you do not ask, the answer is already no. It comes down to which is more important ... rejection or at least giving yourself a chance to find someone.
Believe me, I understand your feelings and I go through these cycles where I want everything to work out the way it should, but it hardly every does until I make the effort.
If it works out during one of those cycles, it is normally the wrong type of woman and I start getting bitter.
Having an avoidance personality, social anxiety, etc does not help; but when it really comes down to it, I need to point the finger more so at myself and I am not getting younger which I think in your 40s onward, it really amplifies everything.
Believe me, I understand your feelings and I go through these cycles where I want everything to work out the way it should, but it hardly every does until I make the effort.
If it works out during one of those cycles, it is normally the wrong type of woman and I start getting bitter.
Having an avoidance personality, social anxiety, etc does not help; but when it really comes down to it, I need to point the finger more so at myself and I am not getting younger which I think in your 40s onward, it really amplifies everything.
LonelyInAtl said:
Lonesome Crow
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2008
- Messages
- 6,780
- Reaction score
- 8
K...
you can crumble, roll, stump on, wash it, or even rip a hundred dallor bill...
but the vaule of it will still be worth a hundred bucks.
Why wouldnt you apply the same principle to yourself...after all arnt you worth more than money?
Even in bussiness. I had to turn in honeysuckle loads of bids.
Out of every 10-15, I might get one contract....Thats a lot of work and a lot of rejections.
It gets personal for me...becuase I take my work personal.
Obviously I had to ulter or make certain corrections to get certain contracts.
Why in the hell go through so much trouble to make money or make honeysuckle happen???
Hell...even when I go into a production run on most of the projects...
There's honeysuckle loads of hick ups. Seldom everything gose through as 100%.
honeysuckle loads of rework. honeysuckle loads of engineering up grades or Rev. changes.
Even the relationship Im in now....
Seaparations after separations. Conflicts after conflicts. Dramma after dramma.
Why in the hell would i get into a relationship with her???...I know we're gonna fight or argue eventaully/
Sometimes she drives me out of my fucken mind....It sure the hell aint perfect.
Maybe...just maybe. We learn as we go. We make corrections as we go. We grow and evolve as we go.
Our love grows stronger and stronger as we go. Whatever problems, issues, twist, turns, mistakes.... we made,
Our love still remains.
Even playing my music....I sounded like crap for the first year. Nothing made sense and I couldnt even play a complete song.
Why in the hell bother???? I fucken ROCK!!!! Im the honeysuckle!!!! Thats why....
I can play and rip on the electric guitar like a madman. I had to practice a honeysuckle load too. I had to make corrections after corrections.
Music is like life to me.....
It's also a well know fact...People that dosnt stick it out or give up within the first year of playing the guitar...stops playing.
The turth of the matter is...as talented as a person might be. It still takes a lot of dedications and self discipline.
And believing in yourself. Aint no one is ganna practice or play my guitar for me...that''s for sure.
I have personality and triats that Renae finds very attractive beyound just me getting her off sexually or her eye canddie.
you can crumble, roll, stump on, wash it, or even rip a hundred dallor bill...
but the vaule of it will still be worth a hundred bucks.
Why wouldnt you apply the same principle to yourself...after all arnt you worth more than money?
Even in bussiness. I had to turn in honeysuckle loads of bids.
Out of every 10-15, I might get one contract....Thats a lot of work and a lot of rejections.
It gets personal for me...becuase I take my work personal.
Obviously I had to ulter or make certain corrections to get certain contracts.
Why in the hell go through so much trouble to make money or make honeysuckle happen???
Hell...even when I go into a production run on most of the projects...
There's honeysuckle loads of hick ups. Seldom everything gose through as 100%.
honeysuckle loads of rework. honeysuckle loads of engineering up grades or Rev. changes.
Even the relationship Im in now....
Seaparations after separations. Conflicts after conflicts. Dramma after dramma.
Why in the hell would i get into a relationship with her???...I know we're gonna fight or argue eventaully/
Sometimes she drives me out of my fucken mind....It sure the hell aint perfect.
Maybe...just maybe. We learn as we go. We make corrections as we go. We grow and evolve as we go.
Our love grows stronger and stronger as we go. Whatever problems, issues, twist, turns, mistakes.... we made,
Our love still remains.
Even playing my music....I sounded like crap for the first year. Nothing made sense and I couldnt even play a complete song.
Why in the hell bother???? I fucken ROCK!!!! Im the honeysuckle!!!! Thats why....
I can play and rip on the electric guitar like a madman. I had to practice a honeysuckle load too. I had to make corrections after corrections.
Music is like life to me.....
It's also a well know fact...People that dosnt stick it out or give up within the first year of playing the guitar...stops playing.
The turth of the matter is...as talented as a person might be. It still takes a lot of dedications and self discipline.
And believing in yourself. Aint no one is ganna practice or play my guitar for me...that''s for sure.
I have personality and triats that Renae finds very attractive beyound just me getting her off sexually or her eye canddie.
T
Trent
Guest
the danger here is that people go to incredible lengths not to have to think certain thoughts about themselves. sometimes a person doesn't want to admit he is "shy" or "awkward" or "not outgoing" or "not charismatic". or that he is so terrified of rejection, or that he doesn't even approach the opposite gender to strike up conversations. you don't have to admit any of this, if you just blame the other person. the problem comes in when "the other person" is an entire gender.
the OP in this thread is creating his own reality. one in which all of the women on Earth are to blame for his loneliness. they are ALL evil. they are ALL superficial. they are ALL only concerned with looks. if he believes this, then he doesn't have to come to grips with the fact that he is simply afraid to approach them and take his chances.
now, i don't say this to give the OP a hard time. i say it because, quite frankly, he needs to hear it. why does he need to hear it? well, let's look at the possible outcomes.
option 1: he realizes that HE is the problem - he starts to do some soul-searching, some self-improvement, some introspection, maybe reads a little bit on attraction and dating, maybe slowly starts talking to more and more women in all environments, starts to realize that his self-defeating tendencies were incredibly flawed, actually meets a nice girl, and falls in love.
option 2: he fights desperately against all reason to justify his belief that ALL WOMEN ON EARTH ARE SUPERFICIAL AND COULD NEVER POSSIBLY GIVE HIM A CHANCE, SO WHY EVEN TRY - he becomes more and more bitter, starts to justify his loneliness and bitterness by looking for "examples" of how horrible women are to "prove" that he is right about them. (idk - kind of like searching for articles and statistics about how women are superficial and posting them on a loneliness forum). this puts him into a further negative state of mind. in life, he continues to exude negative energy which drives women away. but he won't see this. he will assume it is because they are evil and won't give him a chance due to his physical appearance.
see where the whole "self-fulfilling prophecy" comes in?
scientifically speaking, you can't be so silly as to think that you have spoken to a broad enough spectrum of the women on Earth (all 3.5 billion of them) to know that THEY (as in "all women") would never give you a chance. you simply can not KNOW this as it is impossible. so the only person that won't give you a chance is YOU. however, that is an inconvenient truth. is it one that you are ready to accept?
because if not, you will continue to become more and more bitter, more and more secluded, more and more resentful of women, and more and more passive-aggressive in your dealings and sentiments toward them.
i've got to tell you, if you think it's hard to pick up a chick as a fat dude, you really should see how hard it is to pick on up as a fat dude with passive-aggressive tendencies and rejection phobias.
the OP in this thread is creating his own reality. one in which all of the women on Earth are to blame for his loneliness. they are ALL evil. they are ALL superficial. they are ALL only concerned with looks. if he believes this, then he doesn't have to come to grips with the fact that he is simply afraid to approach them and take his chances.
now, i don't say this to give the OP a hard time. i say it because, quite frankly, he needs to hear it. why does he need to hear it? well, let's look at the possible outcomes.
option 1: he realizes that HE is the problem - he starts to do some soul-searching, some self-improvement, some introspection, maybe reads a little bit on attraction and dating, maybe slowly starts talking to more and more women in all environments, starts to realize that his self-defeating tendencies were incredibly flawed, actually meets a nice girl, and falls in love.
option 2: he fights desperately against all reason to justify his belief that ALL WOMEN ON EARTH ARE SUPERFICIAL AND COULD NEVER POSSIBLY GIVE HIM A CHANCE, SO WHY EVEN TRY - he becomes more and more bitter, starts to justify his loneliness and bitterness by looking for "examples" of how horrible women are to "prove" that he is right about them. (idk - kind of like searching for articles and statistics about how women are superficial and posting them on a loneliness forum). this puts him into a further negative state of mind. in life, he continues to exude negative energy which drives women away. but he won't see this. he will assume it is because they are evil and won't give him a chance due to his physical appearance.
see where the whole "self-fulfilling prophecy" comes in?
scientifically speaking, you can't be so silly as to think that you have spoken to a broad enough spectrum of the women on Earth (all 3.5 billion of them) to know that THEY (as in "all women") would never give you a chance. you simply can not KNOW this as it is impossible. so the only person that won't give you a chance is YOU. however, that is an inconvenient truth. is it one that you are ready to accept?
because if not, you will continue to become more and more bitter, more and more secluded, more and more resentful of women, and more and more passive-aggressive in your dealings and sentiments toward them.
i've got to tell you, if you think it's hard to pick up a chick as a fat dude, you really should see how hard it is to pick on up as a fat dude with passive-aggressive tendencies and rejection phobias.
Lonesome Crow
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2008
- Messages
- 6,780
- Reaction score
- 8
But he can use the self fullfling prophecy to work for him instead of against him.
It's neutraul or impartial.
He can simply look for evidence of fat dudes being with skinny chicks, hot chicks, rich chicks or chicks..ect too.
K...it might be a strecth for him.. So you gatta take baby steps or do some experimenting.
I always get front roll parking at the wall mart , now
For some reason theres always parking avaliale when I pull in. Things kindda manfest themselve for me like that.
I look for evidence of empty parking space in the front roll.lol
I build on that.....
Im always squeezing Renae boobs, now. I had plenty of boobs shots of her....
Better yet I have plenty of boobs shots of me squeezing her boobies....evidence
I see myself in the picture. Better yet...I see myself in her all the time.lol
Things menifest itself for me...Im positive of it.
Yes I had to take actions to be with her...But it had to begin in my head first.
I did my own experiments, studies and research
I build on that even more....
I see me being happily married with her. I see me jumping for joy, laughing, dancing...ect with her.
I focus on these things.
Im going to build on this even more and more and more and more.
Positive begets more positive.
You gatta let go of all the guilt, shame, fears....NEGATIVE FEELINGS.
BETTER YET...JUST FOCUS ON POSITVE OUTCOME.
Change your thinking ...change your life.
Take charge of your mind...Controll it or it'll controll you. Worst...other people will cotroll it and you.
Write your own scripts. Paint your side of the fence green or whatever creation as you wish or like.
Discipline your mind. Dedicate yourself. Exercise the space between
your ears....HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB. Work it from the inside
out.....
thoughts and feelings = CUASE
actions/reactions = EFFECTS
Get to the root of it rather than to work on the symtoms.
It's neutraul or impartial.
He can simply look for evidence of fat dudes being with skinny chicks, hot chicks, rich chicks or chicks..ect too.
K...it might be a strecth for him.. So you gatta take baby steps or do some experimenting.
I always get front roll parking at the wall mart , now
For some reason theres always parking avaliale when I pull in. Things kindda manfest themselve for me like that.
I look for evidence of empty parking space in the front roll.lol
I build on that.....
Im always squeezing Renae boobs, now. I had plenty of boobs shots of her....
Better yet I have plenty of boobs shots of me squeezing her boobies....evidence
I see myself in the picture. Better yet...I see myself in her all the time.lol
Things menifest itself for me...Im positive of it.
Yes I had to take actions to be with her...But it had to begin in my head first.
I did my own experiments, studies and research
I build on that even more....
I see me being happily married with her. I see me jumping for joy, laughing, dancing...ect with her.
I focus on these things.
Im going to build on this even more and more and more and more.
Positive begets more positive.
You gatta let go of all the guilt, shame, fears....NEGATIVE FEELINGS.
BETTER YET...JUST FOCUS ON POSITVE OUTCOME.
Change your thinking ...change your life.
Take charge of your mind...Controll it or it'll controll you. Worst...other people will cotroll it and you.
Write your own scripts. Paint your side of the fence green or whatever creation as you wish or like.
Discipline your mind. Dedicate yourself. Exercise the space between
your ears....HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB. Work it from the inside
out.....
thoughts and feelings = CUASE
actions/reactions = EFFECTS
Get to the root of it rather than to work on the symtoms.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
In that case I will become rich, bag a man and tak care of him for the rest of his days.
Lonesome Crow
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2008
- Messages
- 6,780
- Reaction score
- 8
SophiaGrace said:In that case I will become rich, bag a man and tak care of him for the rest of his days.
Be careful what you ask for...becuase you might just get it.LOL
Especially when you're laughing and joking about it....
Becuase you're going with the flow, relexed, feeling good,
no doubt, and more under grace at this moment.
You're not in conflict with yourself. You've also let go and released it. Its a natural process.
None of us lack faith...It's the faith that we have.
